Chapter 38 – You’re Not My Brother

I wrapped my arms around Chloe and pulled her tightly against my chest. I wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, but I refused to ever lie to her again. Instead, I simply held her while she cried, gently stroking her back and placing soft kisses to the top of her head, knowing this would be the last time I ever had the chance to do this.

“Chloe,” I whispered.

She broke down into another round of gut-wrenching sobs. I carefully pulled away and held her out at arm’s length. She stared up into my eyes and waited for me to speak. But what could I possibly say to make this moment any easier?

I trailed my fingers down the side of her face, catching the tears that wouldn’t seem to stop. “Please don’t cry.”

Seeing her like this broke my heart, each sharp, jagged piece cutting me deeper and deeper. For as long as I existed, I would never recover from this moment, never get over the raw heartache tearing a hole in my chest.

But for her, I’d be strong.

For her, I’d put my own needs and wants aside so that she could live a long, happy life free from danger and monsters and hurt. I’d give up everything I had and everything I was to ensure she was safe.

For her, I’d suffer through an eternity of loneliness.

“Maybe this isn’t so bad,” I said.

“Not so bad?” she whispered. “My dad is forcing me to go live with him. In California. How is that not bad?”

I smiled sadly. “You’ll be safe in California.”

She jerked away from me with a gasp. “You want me to go?” She searched my face. “Earlier, you said you wanted to claim me as your soulmate, and now you’re saying you want me to go?”

“Of course, I don’t want you to go.” She didn’t really think that, did she? I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Everything I do, every breath I take, every decision I make is for you. I can’t not put you first, Chloe. It’s physically and emotionally impossible. And what I want doesn’t matter if it conflicts with doing whatever’s necessary to keep you happy and safe.”

“I am happy. Here. With you.” She hung her head.

My chest seized at her words. Knowing I made her happy was the greatest gift she ever could have given me, and I would hold onto that knowledge for as long as I existed. Doubts about what I knew I had to do crept into my mind. I could easily pull her back into my arms, tell her I loved her, that we’d figure out a way to be together, yet, the words wouldn’t come. I couldn’t make those promises when doing so would only cause her more harm and pain in the end.

“I know, but it’s not safe for you here. What if Isach comes back and tries to finish what he started?” I paced away from her, my posture rigid and my muscles tense. “You almost died. Because of me. Because I dared to love you, and I will not spend the rest of my existence knowing I ruined your life.” My tone was pure venom. I spun around, my eyes nearly black.

Chloe fumbled back a step. “That’s where you’re wrong.” Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. “My life was already ruined when I met you, Trent. It’s only because of you that I’m truly living right now.”

In a flash, I had her face in my hands and my lips on hers. She closed her eyes with a groan and leaned into me. I’d had no idea how deeply I’d affected her, or much I’d helped her, and I hated to think I’d be the cause of hurting her, but I couldn’t hold back. She needed to know what she meant to me and how hard this was for me, too.

With reckless abandon, I pushed all of my deepest feelings into this kiss, starting with the utter despair that was quickly destroying me. Chloe stumbled, but I locked my arms around her, holding her steady. And then, slowly, love and desire swirled, wrapping around us like a living, breathing thing.

“Chloe.” I rested my forehead to hers, my voice strained.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you, too. More than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone.” I placed a tender, lingering kiss to her forehead, then each of her eyelids. “Which is exactly why you need to go with your father.”

“No.” She shook her head adamantly. “I won’t go.”

“There’s no future for us, Chloe.” I effortlessly removed her death grip from my shirt and held her hands. “Even if you wanted to become what I am, I can’t change you. I won’t. I am not going to let you become a monster like Hannah.”

She shivered but didn’t attempt to argue with me.

“And I won’t steal the life I know you want. The life you deserve. I can’t be that selfish,” I said.

“You have no idea what I want.” She pulled her hands from mine and crossed her arms over her chest as if trying to protect herself. But soon, she dropped her arms to her sides, curling her hands into fists.

She was getting angry. Good. Anger would make dealing with this easier for her. I’d deal with her rage if it meant her getting through this without anymore heartbreak that she already had.

“I know you want to go to college and travel and have kids… You want to grow old with the love of your life by your side. And one day, when you’re old and gray, when you’ve lived your life and have grandkids and great-grandkids who all love you, only then will you be ready to leave this world behind and see your mom again,” I said.

She shifted silently on her feet.

“We both know I want to be the guy to give you those things, but I can’t. I’m just the guy who has to let you go so you can find someone who can,” I said sadly, dealing the final blow that would forever alter our lives.

My enhanced senses made every second of this encounter a million times more painful, but through the years, I’d become a master and burying the painful stuff, at going about my life as if I was fine. And I’d find a way to do that now, too, but I worried she never would. Despite how strong she was, this type of pain wouldn’t dissolve with time. Not for her, and certainly not for me. Which meant I only had one option remaining.

“Let me give you the freedom to have the life you deserve,” I said.

Her entire body slumped. “How can I leave and pretend none of this happened? I can’t just forget about you.”

I pinned her with a knowing. She knew what I was capable of doing, and she was smart enough to figure it out without me having to say the words.

She took a step back. “No.”

“It will be easier for you this way.”

“No,” she said again, but her voice cracked.

Part of me had hoped she’d continue to refuse, to yell and scream at me not to even considering wiping her memories, but the longer we stood there, the more I realized she was seriously considering my offer. What little remained of my heart shattered, leaving me with a massive, black hole that would never heal.

I held up my hands in a show of surrender. “I would never do anything you don’t want me to. You know that. But please, at least consider it.”

“If I let you do this…” She took a deep breath. “You’d still remember me?”

“Yes.” I nodded. “And I wouldn’t want it any other way. I don’t ever want to forget you, Chloe. I simply want you to be happy.”

She took a few hesitant steps toward me. “Will I ever see you again?” she asked.

“If you do, you won’t know who I am. It will be like a really strong sense of déjà vu, but you won’t figure out who I am or how you know me.”

She cupped her hand over her mouth. “And you’d be okay with that? You’d really do this for me?”

“I’d drive a stake through my heart if you asked me to.”

She momentarily closed her eyes, and I stood, waiting for her decision. Everything inside of me was numb, which was a rare thing for me to feel when usually everything was so sharp and intense. Right now, I welcomed the numbness, clung to it like a lifeline.

Chloe flung herself into my arms, and I caught her as our lips met in a firestorm of short, heated kisses. I’d never forget the way she felt in my arms, the way she fit perfectly. The heat of her skin, the intensity of her kisses, the curve of her body. Fresh doubt clouded my mind. Was I doing the right thing?

She rested her hands on my waist, and I slowed the kiss. Breaking away with a sob, she buried her face against my chest. “Make me forget.”

My entire body tensed, and then with languid deliberateness, I dragged my hands up her back to rest on her shoulders before cradling her neck. Titling her head so she was looking at me, I asked, “Are you sure?”

Because once this was done, there was no undoing it. This was a permanent thing I was about to do.

“Yes.”

I caressed her cheeks with my thumbs and lowered my head, my gaze locked with hers, memorizing the tantalizing shade of brown in her eyes. I gave one quick nod, knowing if I prolonged it a second longer I’d never be able to go through with it.

“I will always love you, Chloe.” And then, for the very last time, I brushed my lips featherlight across hers. Once. Twice. Three times.

Every single moment I ever spent with her sped through my thoughts, and I plucked each one from her mind, lingering on them for only a brief second before moving to the next. And then I returned her to her bedroom and was out of the house before she could see me.

I couldn’t handle sticking around to watch her drive away, so I ditched my truck on the side of the road and ran the rest of the way home. Running on instinct alone helped ease a fraction of the emotional pain I was in, but when I reached the house, all of it came back full force. Hard enough to bring me to my knees.

Hanging my head, I kneeled on the ground and gave myself over to the soul shattering grief and heartache. My shoulders shook with sobs and wailful cries. I’d lost my soulmate, and I was never going to get her back. Hell, she didn’t even remember me.

“Trent?”

My head snapped up at the sound of Jax’s voice. I wiped my face and by some sheer will of force I didn’t know I had, I pushed myself to my feet. My despair gave way to blinding rage. My limbs trembled with fury, and I clenched my hands into tight fists. The strain on my knuckles radiated up my arm, giving me the strength I needed to remain upright.

My vision was pitch black, but my senses were sharper than they’d ever been. I blinked, honing my eyesight so that I could focus on my backstabbing brother. Tonight’s events hadn’t just changed my relationship with Chloe, they’d irreparably damaged my sibling bond with Jax. And it was time he knew that.

Jax took a cautious step back and held his hands up. “Okay, just give me a minute to explain.”

“Explain?” I growled and took a predatory step forward. “Do you know what I just did?” Another step. “I erased myself from Chloe’s mind. Permanently. Because of you, I lost my soulmate. I’m dying inside, Jax. Don’t you get that?”

I advanced closer, but this time, Jax didn’t move away. He held his ground, the muscle in his jaw ticking.

“I did this for you,” he said, a combination of pleading and defensiveness in his tone. “You saw what happened to Hannah. You saw what that did to me. I didn’t want you to suffer the same fate. Or Chloe, for that matter.” Simply thinking her name hurt, but hearing it was a whole new level of torture.

I snarled and crouched, prepared to fight. “Don’t you dare say her name.”

“I’m sorry you’re hurting, Trent. I really am, but you’re my brother and—”

“You are not my brother!” I roared, and my hands shot out, connecting firmly with his chest and flinging him across the front yard.

I was on him before he could recover, and I slammed my fist into his jaw a few times. “You took her from me!” I screamed. He didn’t even try to fight back. Then, almost instantaneously, all my rage vanished, and I moved away from him.

Slowly, Jax got to his feet. “Feel better now?”

“The Jax I know would never have betrayed me like this,” I said, my voice surprisingly level. Cold. “My brother would never have intentionally hurt me like you did.” I shook my head with disgust. “Just… stay the hell away from me.”

Then, I vanished into the night. If I never returned to this town, never saw Jax’s face again, it would still be too soon.