Lisa has been throwing me weird looks since we arrived at Carlo's Pot. I don't blame her. But in my defense, this is a sane response to my current problem. Fear and discomfort. And why not? My stalker is just toying with me right now. I'm not even sure I will be able to sleep at home after tonight. Not until José is back anyway.
Like I predicted, the creep knows my bra size. What else does he know about me? Or, more accurately, what does he not know about me?
My eyes go to the time on my phone. It's about eight-thirty. I let out a breath as a huge boulder lodges itself in my abdomen. The beginnings of fear, the slight tingling in my scalp, they're all there. Just waiting.
My heart is racing and my blood is rushing in a frenzy. It boils behind my ears and tingles in my fingertips and spikes up my spine, keeping me ramrod straight. This feeling is not so foreign. I have felt it several times, yet every time it strikes, it is new and fresh on my brain.
I can't even eat my burger. It seems it will come climbing back up.
My brain tries to warn me that I might be making a very bad decision tonight. And I understand. For once, I'm in sync with my brain, not numbed by fear or inebriation. I know that tonight might be dangerous for me. But heaven knows that if I don't do this, I won't be able to sleep well after tonight. Obviously. But also, I will continue to live in crippling fear, as if being kept in the dark is not enough. I need to know. I can't continue to live like this. I need to know what this guy wants from me, from my brother.
Currently, my stalker is having a swell time messing with my mental health. He is not allowed to do that. So I asked him to see me. And I will see him. I won't be scared. I won't run away. Running away will only make him continue to chase me and running like prey is not the most exciting thing. Running away will only prove he has power over me.
He does not.
If only my beating heart would get the information and stop beating like it's trying to escape my rib cage for goodness sake.
I avoid Lisa’s eyes as I try to eat my burger. I figure I might need the extra energy. Not trying to be pessimistic here, just practical. Prepared.
“Nicole." It's almost a yell.
My gaze drifts to my bestie. “Yes?” I mutter calmly.
She looks at me like she'd imagined my weird-ass behavior earlier. But then the suspicion is back on her face. “Are you okay?”
“Uh uhn.” I bite into my burger and nod. “Their burgers are the best,” I murmur.
Lisa watches as I try to affect a state of calm with a bit of concern. I think she's nearly believing it. I just need a yoga mat now given how zen I already look.
But she does not buy my bullshit. "You're not okay." She sits up. "Is Amelia Thorton a nasty bitch? Is she worse than Bruni?"
"No, she's terrific."
"It must be your stalker then." She drops her fork for a moment.
"Haven't heard from him."
"I didn't ask that."
"No, but you were going to," I say.
“Hmm.” She moves some salad to her mouth. “You’ve been acting very strangely since you arrived from work today,” she mumbles.
“I’m sure I've been acting strange since this whole thing started.”
“Fair enough.” She pats my lower arm and gives me a tight smile. “I'm really sorry, Nicole. I wish you didn't have to go through this.”
I appreciate this. I do. “Thanks.”
She smiles back at me. “We will get to the bottom of this.”
Or at least I will.
“The police still haven't called me about the drawing,” Lisa says.
Earlier this evening, we had made a trip to the police station. I closed an hour earlier because I wasn't going on air for the evening news for the rest of this week. So Amelia Thorton let me go, the nice boss that she is. When I got home at about five pm, Lisa dragged me to the police station.
After a grueling two hours, we came up with a drawing. Now the only issue I have with the drawing is that after the sketch artist was done, I couldn't recognise who he'd drawn. I don't think I have ever seen the man in the picture before, not even that night. In fact, right now, in my mind, memories of the stranger are jumbled.
I guess that is my fault. I must have just been too wasted that night to remember a concrete thing.
Lisa's phone rings and she picks it up.
“It's the police,” she mouths at me and I sit up in my seat. She regards me suspiciously. I concentrate on my burger.
“Yes sir,” Lisa says to the phone. “Yeah, we’d dropped by at the station earlier. My friend and I…Uh uhn…Yes…”
There is some inaudible chattering from the other end of the line.
“Okay. Thanks.” She hangs up and turns to me. “So, they ran the picture in their database, but there was no match.”
I can't say I'm surprised.
I shrug. I'm bad at descriptions. At this whole thing. Running. Fear. Stalkers. I shouldn't be in this position.
“You should stay with me tonight.” Lisa looks at me with concern in her eyes.
“I totally agree.”
She's surprised that I don't object. Pleasantly surprised.
“You know that you can tell me if anything’s bothering you, right?”
“I know.”
Just not this one.
I can't tell her I have decided to see the stalker alone. She would freak and she wouldn't let me go alone. If she’s not able to convince me to call the police, then she would insist on going with me. I don't want that. Maybe the creep wouldn't hurt me like he says, but I cannot say the same for other people, especially after he specifically asked that I come alone. Given what happened to Bruni Santos, I don't want to put anybody's life on the line. Certainly not my best friend’s.
My gaze drifts to my phone again. It's ten minutes to nine. I stare at the figures for a while before forcing my body into action.
“I need to use the Ladies’. Be right back,” I tell Lisa.
“Sure. Hurry. We should leave soon. We still need to get some of your things from your house. And I need to turn in early. I'm working on another portrait tomorrow.”
“Of course.”
I leave the main dining hall and head for the back. The back has the kitchen, the staff-only areas, the restrooms and the back door. I take the back door and I'm out. I'm in the cold night air soon enough. It's a good thing I had changed my blouse earlier. Else goosebumps would have awoken along my arms by now.
I turn to the left. There is a huge trash can to the end of the alley and dim lighting along the restaurant back wall.
I turn back towards the street. King's Park is not so far from here. It's at a very walkable distance. I know this because I visit Carlo's Pot very frequently and I know most of the surrounding areas.
As I make the walk to the park, I wonder if my stalker knows that King's Park is close to Carlo's Pot; if he knows that Carlo's Pot is my favorite restaurant. He knows. Is that why he set the venue for the meeting there?
I don't really bother with that. I'm nearing King's Park and my anticipation is growing. It's pretty dark and though most people are making their way home, there are still some people on the street, standing around and talking with their friends, heading for a club or restaurant.
I don't pay them any mind and I try not to make eye contact. I've always been wary of strangers. They could be anybody. A serial killer. A gangster. They could be in the drug trade. They could be traffickers. My pessimism is to thank for my survival up till this point, so I let it loose when it comes to times like this.
That feeling…is there again.
It's like they're watching me. All these people.
Two men that come out of Carlo's Pot a few seconds after I take the back door and join the street, making a left turn from the restaurant. A man that is starting his car a few blocks from Carlo's Pot. Three other men who are discussing softly between themselves on the opposite side of the street. A man that walks at a distance from me, but only just turns on the last intersection before King's Park.