Chapter 38-3

"Nadia!" I threw my arms around her, nearly toppling the two of us to the ground. It was only her quick reflexes and her warm embrace that kept us standing. "Hey," she pulled back from me, her brow furrowing as she ran her eyes over me. I knew she saw what I'd seen and more. Worry flashed in her brown eyes and she nodded towards the edge of the bath tub. "Sit and let me take a look at you." "But Cohen—" "There is nothing else I can do for him." She settled herself onto the edge of the tub and said, "But there seems to be a lot I could do for you." I watched her face as I took up a spot next to her. She looked as ragged and broken as I felt, but she wasn't injured. What must it have been like to be an outsider to everyone else's pain? She would have returned to the palace and found it in chaos. She'd have seen me bleeding and hurting and unconscious. And Cohen—She'd have seen him bleeding out. She would have seen death brush cool lips against his skin. She had not balked from any of it. But there was something wild in her eyes, a sort of raw desperation mingled with her concern that had me wanting to reach for her again. It was easy to feel alone, especially being goddess-touched. So much of our lives were unique to us, our very existence was isolating. And sometimes it was okay, sometimes being alone was necessary to our survival, but just then, Nadia needed someone. A friend. A sister of sorts. I opened my mouth to ask her how she was, but she spoke up before I could, her words tight—as if she knew I'd been about to shift the attention onto her. "Do you mind if I take a look at it?" I hesitated, but shook my head. I stood up again, moving so I stood directly in front of her as I lifted the hem of my dress, stopping just above the massive bandage on my right side. Nadia's face turned grim as she carefully pulled the gauze away and took a look at the bullet wound. I'd examined it after my bath and found that it was healing well enough. I'd probably have a scar; since the stitching had been hastily done without much precision. I could see her taking note of how bad the closure was. "Every skilled surgeon in the palace was needed for Cohen," I explained. "It's—I don't mind it." Those dark doe eyes turned upward and met my own. "I'm sorry for not coming sooner. I should have—I should have healed you." "It's fine." She sighed. "It... It isn't, but thank you for saying so." Her voice was hoarse, filled with restrained emotion as she said, "I failed you. When it mattered, I failed you. I failed Uri too. And now Cohen." Guilt. That was guilt shining in her eyes. I took hold of her hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "You're only one person, Nadia." "What good is a gift if you can't use it to save the people you love?" I adjusted the bandage back into place and eased onto the edge of the tub again, resisting the urge to wince at the discomfort of it. "It is not your responsibility to save everyone." She closed her eyes. "Monroe—Monroe, if he dies...oh, goddess, if he dies, I will never forgive myself—" "You didn't shoot him. Those bullets did not come from your gun. You're not at fault for whatever happens to Cohen. You've tried. No one—absolutely no one—can blame you." "But—But..." She shook her head. "I don't want to lose him. I—I just don't think I can bare it. And I don't know why he won't wake up. He seems fine. When I touch him...he isn't hurting. I don't—I don't know what I'm doing wrong." "Nothing." "Monroe—" "Listen to me. You've done nothing wrong." "Goddess." She wiped at the tears trailing down her cheeks. "Britta said that too." "Britta is right." Nadia stood up from the tub and paced to the bathing room door. When she reached it, she turned back to me, her hands fisted in her hair. "I—Monroe, what if tacet broke something in me?" I shook my head, but she continued speaking, her words rushed and trembling as she said, "It's different now. Sometimes—Sometimes it feels wrong. I—I—Sometimes I lose control of it. And it makes things worse. What if I've hurt Cohen? What if I've hurt him and I don't even know it?" "You couldn't have hurt him."