Chapter 36-4

I wanted to ask, but now wasn't the time. For weeks, I'd been straddling the line between stark truth and blood-soaked lies. I loved Kai, but I couldn't deny the anger I felt, the hurt that so often encompassed me. And while my game had changed from pretending to want the crown to pretending to want Kai dead—there had always been and still was a vein of truth in both deceptions. I am a girl made of lies. I took a sip of my tea, chewing on what I wanted to say. I made sure my face stayed neutral as I said, "Heidi told me that Erydia has declared war on Pellarmus." Britta straightened at my words. Her blue eyes seemed to spark with anger and, for a moment, I thought she might not answer. But then she looked at Cohen and her face softened. "The letter arrived a day after the attack. If I had my way, I'd have an entire armada—the entire navy—sailing for Erydia. But..." Her mouth became a thin line and I could tell she was reeling herself back in. "But Darragh...my husband thinks we should wait. We've already got other plans in motion. There are things that need to be done before we can strike." I waited in silence, trying to decide if I could ask my next question. I sipped my tea again, waiting to see if Britta would say more. The ocean outside the window was cast in shadows now—night having just enveloped the world in it's cool embrace. Across that ocean, Kai was king. Kai had signed an edict for my death. Kai had signed a declaration of war against me. His ship—that monster of metal—had hurt us. We could have died. Cohen might still die. The rage in my voice was real as I asked, "And what more is there to do before we go after them? If you've already got forces gathering in Erydia and an army here, what more is there to do?" Britta's gaze shot to mine. I kept my expression guarded, still as stone, as she examined me. Friend or foe—I could almost see her considering my place in all of this. You can trust me. Please. Please trust me. "I am expecting news from my spies about next steps," she said. "We have—I've been told that Caine has factories in Messani creating weapons. We also have reports of other factories in Erydia making some sort of drug. Tacit, I think Nadia said it was called. Right now, my soldiers are working to infiltrate those factories and find out what's happening. Darragh wants to know what Caine has before we attack. And I—I am impatient, but I would like to better understand this drug. You—All three of you are weapons. If we could eliminate tacit, then I think we'd stand an even better chance of being successful." "Why—Why include us at all?" I hated the uncertainty in my voice. I wanted to be strong, to demand a place in her rebel army, but I was too afraid. Afraid of being tricked yet again. I didn't want to be used. Or caged. Or hurt. Not again. Not by Caine and certainly not by Britta Warwick. She pursed her lips. "Well, Nadia asked to help." She nodded to the sleeping girl. "After the letter arrived, we talked about it. She was...Things with Cohen were bad. We thought we were going to lose him. And she was ready to fight." Anna's brow furrowed in thought, as if remembering it. "A girl in love," she said quietly. "She's a girl in love and she was hurting. Hurting for both of them. People have fought and died over far less than what she has face—what all of you have faced." Britta nodded. "Yes. That night, after things had settled, she asked if I would help the three of you. She says that you all want to fight with us, but that you can't do anything without tacit. And, honestly, Nadia makes a solid argument for her case—since her healing ability could really help us." Britta's voice turned quiet as she said, "It could have saved my sister, if she'd been able to use it after Uri was shot." "Would...If you're made queen, what will happen to us?" Britta pursed her lips. "That is Darragh's decision. But I would do what I could to help you retain your rights." My rights. I didn't know what rights I even had. According to Erydian tradition and the religion that governed my country, I didn't have the right to do anything except compete in the Culling. Die or be queen—those were my rights. I swallowed and looked down at my cup of tea. There would be time to figure all of this out. But time was never something I'd had a lot of and it took all of my self-control not to demand a more solid answer to my question. I wanted Britta to be able to tell me what my life would look like. Would I have the same freedoms as anyone else? Would my people—our people—have more freedoms than they did now? Would she eradicate the Culling? Instead of saying any of that, I said, "I met some people in the palace, a guy and a girl, who I think were working for you." Britta's brows rose. "Oh?"