Chapter 50

"How are your feet?" Xen asked me as we entered our chambers after a small dinner, neither of us having any appetite. I met his eyes and saw the playful smile on his lips.

I flushed under his gaze. "Are you teasing me again?"

"I wouldn't dare," he replied, feigning innocence. I laughed as he continued his playful act. Xen's expression suddenly changed, his smile slipping from his face, and his gaze darkened as he met mine. His hand raised, and his fingers traced the strand of my hair that escaped from my braid. He moved closer, toe to toe, and my eyes shifted from his eyes to his chest. The heat from his hand drew me closer to him, and he caressed my cheeks.

"You should laugh more, smile more. I was supposed to spend more time with you, but..." He pulled away and turned to the window, where the clear view of the moon was visible. A sigh escaped him. It felt strange that he always gave a heavy sigh when he saw the moon, as if he was dreading something. It had become more frequent since last night.

"The wind is cold. I will close the window," he said, withdrawing from me completely. I frowned in confusion and looked down at my hands.

"Xen," I called out.

"Hmm?" He didn't meet my eyes as he closed the window.

"Eventually, you will find out what is happening here, and you don't have to worry about me and everything else at the same time. We have plenty of time," I reassured him.

He didn't turn to face me, but he stopped, the window still half open, the moon's light chipped away, the darkness swallowing it as it entered the next phase. He gripped the window frame tightly, his knuckles turning white, the veins in his arms bulging as tension gathered in his shoulders.

"Do we?" he said through clenched jaws. I couldn't bear to see him like this. There was a sinking feeling in me that I had forgotten something.

"Yes," I replied, though my voice sounded unsure. He wiped his head to me, surprise flickering in his eyes, and then it was clouded with conflict—the same conflict I had seen in his eyes whenever I asked him to touch me. I took off my gloves and grabbed his hand, looking squarely into his eyes.

"I know sometimes I don't know how to respond to your efforts. Trust me, it often frustrates me to no end. But you should know that I..." I swallowed, unsure of what I wanted to say, but desperate to ease the torment in his eyes. He turned to me and curled his hand around mine, and I held on tighter.

"I care about you," I exhaled. "And you're not a lone wolf anymore. We have time." He looked deep into my eyes, and I tried to hold him there as he had held me so many times before.

"Whatever it will be, I want to be there for you," I continued. He leaned closer to me, sliding his hand around my waist and holding me closer. He looked deep into my eyes, searching, and I hoped with everything in me that he found whatever he was looking for. He pressed his forehead to mine, and he closed his eyes.

"You don't remember," he breathed.

"Is there something I have forgotten that is bothering you?" I asked. He pulled me even closer, and his grip tightened around me like an iron vice. I freed my hand to put it around his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"Tell me what it is. You know all of my troubles, and I want to know yours."

"Stay with me," he whispered.

"I am here," I replied, not understanding why he kept saying that.

"I think I am going to go mad if I keep thinking about it," he said, his breathing becoming shallow. He opened his eyes, and his lips came closer to mine. I licked my lips, and his gaze darkened. The current between us started to flow with rapid waves, and I took a sharp intake of breath.

"About what?" I mumbled against his lips. He leaned further, and our lips met in a whisper of a kiss. He pulled away abruptly and exhaled sharply, the torment in his eyes vanishing. I tried to move closer to him, but he moved away, heading towards the door. He always did this—going for a walk when avoiding questions.

"I want to know what is causing you to withdraw from me. I know I am... sometimes..."

"It's not you!" He turned swiftly to me, his brown eyes now deep and dark, the veins in his neck bulging. I stepped back, and he turned away to face the door. My heart skipped a few beats. It was animalistic, the handle of the door broke under the pressure of his hands. I was in awe.

"I am not withdrawing from you!" he growled, emitting a sound like a strangled chuckle. "All I want..." He clenched his jaw, hitting the door, and his nails grew, making a scratching noise as they dug into the wood. Was he phasing?

"I am losing the battle with my basic instinct! I am trying to honor your wishes!" he exclaimed, his voice strained. I went closer to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He turned faster than my eyes could catch and grabbed my wrist.

"Don't. I won't be able to stop myself," he said, barely hanging by a thread.

"What is it that you want?" I asked desperately.

"Isn't it obvious?! You. I want to—" He pinned me to the door, pressing my hand against it, his body pressing against mine, knocking the breath out of my lungs. My eyes didn't blink, didn't move as I saw his face. It was him, but with an animalistic possessive glare in his eyes—the need and desire vibrating through me. This was the first time I realized how different he was from me, how magnificent.

"You want to..." I asked, mesmerized by him. I wanted him to lose control, to drive away the darkness that haunted me and take possession of me.

"I want you. All of you. And don't say you won't go because..." The pain in his eyes became unbearable. "I don't know how long I can fight it."

"Fight what?"

"The need to claim you," he replied, his eyes boring into mine, his eyes threatening to swallow me whole. "Do it," I said.