Chapter 54 Confession to the void
Melissa’s POV
“You have your sad face on. Did something happen ?”
I kept my eyes on the road, with my hands gripping the steering wheel.
“Nothing. Today was just… long.”
“Mmm. Long.” Aria’s head lolled against the window. “Is it Gavin? Who you’re definitely not secretly in love with?”
My jaw tightened. I didn’t answer.
We drove in silence for a few blocks. Traffic lights blurred past…red, green, yellow, red again. The city moved around us while I sat frozen in this moment, trying to hold myself together.
My hands started shaking on the wheel. I pulled over into an empty parking lot, threw the car into park, and just sat there.
“Mel…”
“I love him.” The words burst out of me like they’d been held underwater too long. “I love Gavin and it’s wrong and it’s terrible and I tried not to. I really tried, Aria. At first I thought it was just because he’s hot, you know? And mysterious. And cold. But that’s not it. That’s not it at all.”
My voice was rising, getting faster, words tumbling over each other in a desperate rush.
“He makes me breakfast in the morning sometimes. He knows how I take my coffee. He notices when I’m anxious and he just… knows how to make it stop. And I know he’s controlling and possessive and probably toxic in a million ways but when I’m with him I feel safe. Like actually safe for the first time since my dad died. And that’s so fucked up because he’s engaged to my mom. My MOM, Aria. What kind of person does that make me?”
Tears were streaming down my face now but I couldn’t stop talking.
“And everything is just wrong. Every single thing. I’m living in his house and working in his office and sleeping twenty feet away from him every night and I can’t breathe. I can’t think. All I do is want him and hate myself for wanting him and it’s killing me. It’s literally killing me.”
My breath was coming in gasps now, my hands pressed against my eyes.
“And the worst part? The absolute worst part? I don’t even care that it’s wrong anymore. I just want him. I want him so badly it physically hurts and I don’t know what to do and I just want to cry. I want to cry for like a week straight and I can’t because I have to go home and pretend everything is fine and smile at my mom and act like I’m not in love with her fiancé and I can’t do it anymore, Aria. I can’t…”
I stopped. Then turned to look at her.
Her head was tilted back against the seat. Her mouth slightly opened, with her eyes closed.
Soft snores filled the car.
She was completely passed out, and hadn’t heard a single word.
A laugh bubbled up in my throat. Then another. Then I was laughing and crying at the same time, tears streaming down my face while my shoulders shook.
I’d just confessed everything…poured out my entire heart…to my unconscious best friend.
The universe really had a sense of humor.
I grabbed another tissue from the center console and blew my nose. Then I wiped my eyes, smudging my eyeliner to hell, and took a shaky breath.
My phone was still connected to the car’s Bluetooth. I scrolled through my playlist until I found it…the song I listened to when everything felt too heavy. When the world was too loud and I needed everything to just stop for a few minutes.
Runaway by aurora filled the car.
I let myself cry for three more minutes.
Then I wiped my face one more time, put the car in drive, and headed toward Aria’s place.
———-
The apartment building was in the Upper East Side. Doorman. Marble lobby. The kind of place that screamed old money.
Not as big as Gavin’s penthouse. Nothing was as big as Gavin’s penthouse. But it was close. Fifteen floors of luxury condos that probably cost more per square foot than most people’s houses.
The doorman…James, according to his name tag…recognized Aria immediately.
“Miss Martinez.” He took in her very drunk state without so much as a blink. “Shall I call up to let your parents know you’ve arrived?”
“God no,” Aria mumbled sleepily.“They’re at the country house. Just me and Mel tonight.”
“Very good, miss.”
He helped me get her into the elevator. We rode up to the twelfth floor in silence, Aria leaning heavily against my shoulder.
Her apartment was a corner unit…floor to ceiling windows, view of the park, furniture that looked like it belonged in a museum. Abstract art on the walls. A grand piano no one played in the corner.
Filthy wealthy didn’t even begin to cover it.
“Bedroom,” Aria mumbled, pointing vaguely down a hallway.
I half-carried, half-dragged her to what turned out to be a bedroom bigger than the entire apartment I’d lived in before the foreclosure.
I got her onto the bed and she immediately face-planted into the pillows.
“Love you, Mel,” she mumbled into the expensive sheets. “You’re the best.”
“Love you too.” I pulled a blanket over her.
Within seconds, she was snoring again.
I stood there for a moment, looking at my best friend…purple hair spread across white pillows, makeup smudged, completely passed out.
She hadn’t heard my confession. And maybe that was better.
Maybe some truths were meant to stay buried.
I walked back to the living room and sank onto the couch. My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Mom: Where are you, sweetie? I’m going out with Gavin so don't stay up too late. Dinner is in the fridge.
My stomach churned. I couldn’t go back there tonight.
Me: Staying at Aria’s tonight. She needs me. Love you.
Mom: Okay honey. I hope she is okay? ILove you too.
I set my phone down and pulled my knees to my chest.
Through the massive windows, the city sparkled below. Millions of lights. Millions of people. All living their lives, dealing with their problems, carrying their secrets.
And here I was. In love with my mother’s fiancé. Working for him. Living with him. Wanting him so badly it made me physically ache.
My phone buzzed again.
My heart jumped, hoping…
But it wasn’t Gavin.
It was a notification from my writing app. Comments flooding in on the chapter I’d posted earlier.
NightOwl_Reader: This is the hottest thing I’ve ever read
RomanceAddict47: Author please post the next chapter SOON
Anonymous_User: I would die for this man. When is she going to tell him she loves him???
I stared at that last comment.
When was she going to tell him she loves him?
When was I going to tell Gavin?
Never. The answer was never. Because telling him would ruin everything. Would force him to choose. Would destroy my mom.
Would make all of this real instead of just this terrible secret we were both carrying.
I waited, phone clutched in my hand, but no more messages came.
I set it face-down on the coffee table and pulled the throw blanket over myself.
Outside, the city continued sparkling. Inside, I finally let myself fall apart.
I loved Gavin Cross.
And that love was going to destroy everything.