Grief is a monster I've been tackling since high school and I didn't handle it well back then. I ran around doing stupid shit behind my Aunt Jade's back. Running back to my ex after he cheated, falling in love all over again with someone new, and getting into trouble with Casey because I wanted to protect her. I thought I could handle everything that happened with Xavier on my own, that I didn't need anyone's help. I got a broken wrist out of it all, but I'm grateful that's all that happened. Xavier was sent to prison, Casey got to move on and find her Prince Charming, and I'm here to support her. I think of Cora's words about falling in love with someone and growing old with them. Dreaming about it is so simple, and yet the reality is so hard. I want that happily-ever-after romance, but I also just want my damn credit score to go up so I can buy a new car. However, romance is not dead. I refuse to believe that. And while I dream about it, sometimes I dream about him. How young and in love we were, how stupid we were, and how I wish it would have worked out. I hadn't dreamt about him in a while, but last night he crept into my subconscious. He was there, sleeping beside me beneath the wide open night sky like it was the most natural thing in the world. And the stars above us weren't actually the stars, but the lights on his ceiling. I woke this morning with an empty feeling inside me. Ben was already gone, he probably left earlier. It's funny how I had gone to sleep feeling anything but empty. Ben had filled the void for a little bit, and now the high has gone down. The high I felt with Dylan was real. I can't deny that. But the hurt I felt when he left me was almost just as hard as losing my parents. He left to travel with his mom and as much as I wanted to hate him for leaving me, I couldn't. Even now I don't hate him. I have no doubt that he figured out what he wanted to do with his life and that's all I ever wanted for him. Anthony never talks about him and I think it's because he doesn't want to open old wounds. Following Anthony on social media was the best and worst decision because I get to see his life with his daughter, but Dylan pops up every now and then. I try not to dwell on the photos too much, but Dylan always looks so radiant and happy. Something compels me to call Anthony. We haven't talked in a week and I'm pretty sure Casey called him with the happy news of her engagement. First I drudge out of bed to take some medicine for my mild headache. I wasn't black out drunk last night, I clearly remember the details, but I haven't been out drinking in a while. I feel like a newbie all over again. In my cabinet, glaring at me with fierce expression, are my pills. Dr. Harrison's prescription insulted me because I didn't think I needed medication. Plus, I can't really drink if I take them. I stopped taking them about a month ago. I make a silent promise to take them during the wedding planning. After taking some pain medicine, I grab my phone and I call Anthony, putting it on speaker as I move around the kitchen. "Lacey, my morning has started with Olivia throwing a tantrum because I forgot to buy her favorite cereal. Tell me you can make my morning better," Anthony says, sounding like he's bustling around. Olivia, his three, almost four year old, is the cutest thing on this planet. Her bright smile and big eyes get me every time I see her. Her birthday is next week, on July fourth, and I wish I could be there to celebrate with them. I can't help but laugh. "Did Casey call you last night?" "She called me this morning," he says. "I can't believe she's getting married." "I can't either," I say, rubbing my forehead. "She's getting married, you have a kid, and I'm here nursing a slight hangover." "Shit, you're actually hungover for once? This is new," he says. I hear him say something to Olivia in the background. Anthony and Casey are real grown ups now, and I can't help but feel envious. They have real lives and responsibilities and I feel like I'm being left behind. "I just…I miss you guys." "We miss you too. We'll probably see you soon right? I mean, with the wedding planning and all." Of course I'm going to be Casey's maid of honor. We always talked about it when we were younger, and now it's a reality. I just hope Casey doesn't turn into a bridezilla. "Let me call you later," he says suddenly. "Casey is calling." We hang up and I make myself some cereal. I sit at my small table and eat in silence, going over everything that's happened in the past twenty-four hours. I don't know what time Ben left, and I don't really remember him leaving. He was definitely a better one-night-stand than the past ones I've had. I brought him home with me not because I was feeling lonely, but because I felt a strong confidence that I haven't felt in a while. Talking to him was fun and we just continued that fun to my place. My phone starts to ring and I see Cora's name on the screen. I answer it and put it on speaker again. "Morning," I tell her. "Someone sounds chipper. I picked up some breakfast, can I stop by your place?" I glance at my cereal bowl. I can go for more food. "Sure. I'm going to shower, but the door will be open." We hang up and I quickly get ready for a shower. I wash away the sleep and all the worries. When I finish and get somewhat ready, I walk into the kitchen where Cora is standing in a peach sundress. "You're a saint," I say to her as I pick at the fruit she's brought. She smiles brightly. "I just want to know how last night went for you. Was that guy nice?" "His name is Ben, and he was super nice," I say. "We came back here after a few more drinks." "When did he leave?" "Before I woke up." She puts her hand on her hip. "Rude." I want to say Cora's standards are super high, but that wouldn't be right. "It was just a one night thing. It's no big deal," I shrug. "You had some drinks, enjoyed each other's company, and saw each other naked. Did you at least get his number?" We sit down with our food at my small table. "No, but if it's meant to be it'll be." She takes a bite, chews, and makes a face. "I know Bee says it's lame, but I want the best romance there is to offer. I want the cute flirting, the fun bedroom stuff, and ultimately I want a big wedding where our families love each other and support us."