Dylan's Point of View How the hell did I get to a point where I feel like I need someone in my life? I never needed anyone, not the guys, not Anthony, not even Derrick. Having Kay around wasn't a need, it was more of a want at the time. I can't be with Lacey knowing I put her in danger. I was the one who got involved with all of Xavier's shit and Lacey was unlucky enough to be dragged into everything, when that's what I wanted to avoid from the beginning. The summer before school started, before senior year started, I was fine. I had it in somewhat good with Xavier, and even though things got a little rocky when I went after Kay, it was all good. As long as I didn't break Kay's heart, or do anything to intentionally hurt her, I was good. Then school started, and English suddenly became one of my favorite subjects. My first impression of Lacey was she had many stories, where people usually only have one. When I learned about Jacob and her parents, I felt like I could help somehow. Bring the stories out of her, so she could move on, grieve properly without Jacob making every fucking thing about himself, and get on with her life. She was dwelling too much on the past. Getting to know her was a ride I never thought I'd find myself on. I thought she was hot when I met her, but talking to her and having real conversations made me feel differently. I'd never had a friend who was a girl, so I thought that's what I wanted. I had Kay as a somewhat girlfriend, and I had Lacey as a friend. No big deal. Having Lacey around the guys, and having them actually enjoy having her around was a surprise. They didn't like Kay, mostly because of Xavier, but also because of her bitch personality. Lacey to them, I think, was a breath of fresh air. And she is. Bringing her around the guys was fun for me until it wasn't. Carlos admitted he liked her, even before I brought her around them. I didn't feel bad for liking her at the same time as Carlos, but I was annoyed when he'd dance with her and rub it in my face. He was taking it too far and I know he only wanted to get into her pants. When Derrick and the guys told me about what Carlos said about me when I wasn't around irritated the shit out of me. I confronted him and gave him the chance to step up. He didn't, of course. I didn't expect to develop feelings for her. Shit, I surprised myself when we became friends. It scares me how everything is so...natural? That sounds like some weird, romance novel shit, but it's true though I'll never admit it. Everything that has gone down with Xavier is in the past. I don't want to think about it, I just want to move on. A week after it happened, and after ignoring Lacey's many messages, I drove to her apartment. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, if I should've apologized for everything, or what. When I got there, I couldn't do anything. Her car was there, but seeing it made me uneasy. I had caused so much shit to go down in her life that she didn't need, and I couldn't face her for it. She'd been through enough, and adding me to the picture would only make it worse. So I left and I made the decision not to talk to her. I couldn't look at her without seeing her bruised face and broken wrist. And I've made it worse for myself. I haven't deleted the text messages we shared before everything went bad. I still haven't taken down the Be mine? that is written in the lights above my bed, and I'm left staring at them every night when I turn them on. Have to tell my dad what happened with Xavier and have to tell Ethan that things aren't going to work out with Lacey, while Derrick only shakes his head because he knows the truth. We've argued about it plenty of times, with him saying I'm not trying hard enough. Then, as if they universe is trying to tell me something, my mom has come home. I guess dad told her what happened with me, and it prompted her to make another visit. As much as I want to hate her for being gone, I can't. The moments when she leaves, and Ethan cries for her to stay, while Derrick tries to be understanding about why she's leaving, and I'm left in the middle. Upset because she's leaving again, but knowing everything will be different if she stays as a full-time mom. And she's in the living room, helping Ethan with his homework while dad and Derrick went to look at guitars. I walk up the stairs to the kitchen to get some water. She sees me and she stands up from her spot with Ethan at the table. "How you feeling?" she asks. "Fine." I don't want to tell her everything, because what will she do? Retain the information then leave like I can solve it myself? She purses her lips and crosses her arms. Her short black hair hangs by her face before she tucks some of it behind her ear. "You want to talk about it?" Ethan suddenly barges in and he goes straight to the fridge for a water bottle. He stands between me and mom as he gulps it all down before burping. "Don't burp in front of girls," I scold him. "It's just mom," he shrugs. Then he looks away. "I bet Lacey would've laughed." Before I can say anything, he rushes back into the living room and mom gives me a look. "I keep hearing about this Lacey, but not from you. It seems like everyone liked her," she says. "Yeah," I say. It's hard not to like Lacey. She grabs my hand. "Sit with me for a minute." Instead of yanking my hand back, I let her lead me to the dining table. She sits at the head of the table, where dad usually sits, and I plop down next to her. "I met your dad in college and I thought he was a clown at first," she chuckles. "But he grew on me, even though I wasn't looking to date anyone at the time. Then things happened so quickly. We had Derrick, we had you, then Ethan came along and you are the best kids a mom could ever ask for." I bite down on my tongue to stop myself from asking why she's always leaving if we're really the best kids. She hesitates before talking again. "I know this will sound awful, but there's no other way to put it. I felt like I was missing out on life. I didn't travel, I didn't have a chance to see other places like I planned before I met your dad. And he understood that. Leaving was hard, and it still is, but I want something to tell my grandkids when I'm older. I don't want to say I stayed home and did nothing. I want to tell them about the time I went to Boston, or New York, or even Alabama. And now that you're older, I want you to understand why I am gone all the time." I don't say anything. How do you respond to something like that? "I see Derrick thriving with Jared and their band, and I know they're going places," she nods as she says it. "I want to know if you want to get out of here too."