Chapter 74

“Don’t you mean arses?” Jimmy questioned.

“I’ve decided, now I’m living in the States and have two of its nation’s finest examples of cowboy studliness, I’ll start saying ‘ass’ and ‘sidewalk’ and,” he shuddered “‘aluminum.’”

The three men celebrated Barry’s conversion with kisses, which soon led to undressing and zippers being lowered.

“And I like cowboy dicks, too,” Barry said, slipping off the sofa and kissing first Jimmy’s then Jake’s hard member.

From the hearth rug, Rex began to whine.

“Shut up, damn dog,” Jake said. “Thought you’d got over this shit.”

Rex stood, went to the door, and begged to be let out.

“It isn’t that,” Barry said.

They heard car doors closing.

“Fuck!” Jimmy said, parting the drapes. “Gary and my mom are back.”

The men dressed hurriedly and rushed into the hallway.

Bess looked like she’d been crying, and Gary was stone-faced.

“Coffee?” Barry asked, slipping past them to go into the kitchen.

“I’ll help you,” Bess said, following Barry.

As they performed the ritual of measuring out ground coffee and setting up the percolator, Bess told Barry about the visit to the hospital.

“Frank looked really small in the hospital bed.”

“Uh huh?”

“He hit his head real hard.”

Barry said carefully, “Hope there was no damage.” He meant the vehicle rather than Frank, but knew Bess would misunderstand.

“They did a scan and they couldn’t find anything. They’ll let him out tomorrow.”

Barry knew what was coming next.

“I’ll have to move back home to look after him.”

Barry nodded. “But don’t forget your own health. You need to look after you, too.”

“I know.” Bess sighed, pulling down five mugs.

As they drank their coffee, Barry noticed something odd about his cowboys. Bess, despite her somber mood, smiled slightly when she looked at Jimmy and Jake together.

“What?” Jimmy asked.

“You’re wearing a red shirt,” Bess told him.

Jimmy looked down. “Wondered why I felt itchy.”

Barry chuckled. “You look quite sexy in red.”

If Bess knew why they were wearing each other’s clothes, she didn’t let on. 15

“Most people get their Christmas tree from a store or a tree lot,” Barry said under his breath as he trudged up yet another hill behind his two cowboy lovers.

“We’re not most people,” Jake said, striding up to a tree before shaking his head and walking on. “Why buy a tree when we grow our own? And you call yourself a Yorkshireman who’s supposed to be careful with his money.”

Jimmy snickered.

Hoist by my own petard, Barry thought, grinning to himself.

Jake and Jimmy had told Barry it was their tradition to go up into the hills and cut their Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. And who was Barry to mess with tradition? Even if it was freezing cold outside and the wind was getting up.

Barry was relieved Jimmy seemed to be bouncing back from his mother’s move back home earlier in the day. Sure, Jimmy had tried to persuade her to stay longer, but Barry could tell Jimmy knew he was fighting a losing battle.

“What about this one?” Jimmy said, stopping next to a reasonable-looking specimen.

To Barry it looked like every other tree they’d examined the past couple of hours.

Was he getting frostbite on his nose? It felt huge. But then he was wearing gloves. They all were. Jimmy and Jake had bundled themselves up in their Wrangler flannel-lined denim jackets. His cowboys looked rugged and totally fuckable. Barry, meanwhile, was ill-wrapped in his Parka. Next time he went into Springs he’d have to get something better suited to winters in the Colorado mountains.

“Nah,” Jake said, tilting his head to one side and regarding the tree critically. “Not…” He gestured with his hands. “Symmetrical enough. He strode further up the hill.

Barry gritted his teeth and jogged to keep up. Every tree they’d seen so far had had something wrong with it. Either it was too straggly, too bushy, or too ugly. That was the beauty of artificial trees. They were perfectly shaped, just as nature hadn’t intended.

“What about that one?” Barry asked a few minutes later and pointed to a nice looking tree to their right. It looked about the right height, was nicely shaped, and…For fuck’s sake, how much longer would this take? He couldn’t feel his feet any more.

“It’s a blue spruce,” Jimmy said sadly, shaking his head. “Jake won’t like it.”

“Jake?” Barry called out.

Jake turned around and walked back to them. “Huh?”

“What about this one?” There was more than a hint of pleading in Barry’s voice. He wanted to get back home to thaw out, fuck, and finish cleaning up from the day before.

“Don’t like it.”

Barry glared at him. This was taking the whole blue vs red thing too fucking far.