Chapter 64 Him

Chapter 64 Him

---
The question followed Elowen long after Kieron had walked away.
‘Why did you look at him like that?’
It lingered like smoke, clinging to her skin, settling into the hollow places she had spent weeks trying not to examine too closely.
She felt her chest aching with something she refused to name because Kieron had looked at her like he no longer recognized her and somehow, that had hurt more than his anger ever could.
By the time she made it back to the apartment, the silence felt unbearable.
The small space usually offered comfort, familiarity and control but tonight, it felt suffocating.
Elowen dropped her bag by the door and leaned back against it, shutting her eyes as her mind replayed every second of the argument in brutal, relentless loops.
Kieron’s clenched jaw, the sharp disbelief in his voice, the accusation buried beneath every word and worst of all.. the look in his eyes when she had defended Lucian without thinking.
That had been the moment everything shifted.. She had seen it.
The exact second her brother realized her loyalty was no longer as absolute as it used to be.
She scrubbed both hands over her face.
This was never supposed to happen. Training Lucian had been about survival, a contract, it was about the money, it was a means to keep herself and Kieron afloat after Harrington had ripped away her scholarship.
It had never been meant to become this tangled, this personal, this dangerous.
And yet somewhere between panic attacks and bruised knuckles, late-night strategy sessions and quiet confessions, Lucian Langford had become something she no longer knew how to categorize.
The realization unsettled her to the point that falling asleep became difficult.
The next morning, she arrived at the gym twenty minutes early.
Not because she was eager, not because she wanted to see him but because routine was easier than thinking.
The boxing wing was nearly empty, the quiet broken only by the faint hum of fluorescent lights overhead.
Elowen wrapped her hands mechanically, each pull of fabric deliberate and precise.
Her thoughts were elsewhere on Kieron, on guilt, on the growing crack between who she had been and whoever she was becoming.
The sound of footsteps behind her made her shoulders stiffen because she knew that stride.
Lucian.
For one irrational second, relief flared inside her then she hated herself for it.
“Morning, Coach.”
His voice was softer than usual and Elowen turned.
Lucian stood a few feet away in black training sweats, platinum hair still slightly damp from a shower. The fading bruises along his jaw only sharpened the hard lines of his face, but there was something gentler in his expression.
Like he was already reading the tension she was trying to hide.
“Morning.”
His eyes narrowed slightly.
That single word had clearly told him enough. Normally, he would have teased, made some sarcastic comment about her terrifying disposition before training.
Today, he said nothing instead, he simply nodded and moved to start wrapping his hands.
Lucian finished fast and stepped toward the ring.
“What’s the plan?”
“Elimination drills.”
He nodded and somehow, his quiet compliance made her chest tighten.
Training began.. Lucian moved well with sharp footwork, clean combinations and disciplined pivots.
Weeks ago, his technique had been fueled by brute force and instinctive aggression but now  there was precision and.. Trust.
He adjusted the moment she corrected him and reset when she instructed.
And under normal circumstances, that progress would have satisfied her.
Today, she barely registered it because her focus kept slipping.
On the fourth round, she called the wrong sequence.
Lucian stopped mid-combination.
“E.”
The nickname hit her harder than it should have.
She blinked at him in confusion. “What?”
“You said right slip after the hook.”
“Yes?.”
“That would’ve put me directly into an open left.”
Her stomach sank.. He was right.
She exhaled sharply. “Again.”
Lucian didn’t move instead, he lowered his gloves.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
His expression remained calm.. “Elowen.”
“I said nothing happened.”
The words came out sharper than intended and a tiny flicker of hurt crossed his face before he masked it.
And then.. he stepped back.
Not away exactly just enough to give her room. “Okay.”
That was it.
No pushing.. No probing.. No insistence.
He simply resumed his stance and waited for instruction and somehow, that restraint hit her harder than any confrontation could have because Lucian could have pressed, he could have demanded answers, he could have cornered her until she broke.
Instead, he respected the boundary she had thrown between them even when it clearly cost him and that little realization lodged painfully in her chest.
The rest of training passed in strained professionalism. Lucian followed every command while Elowen barked every correction but neither of them acknowledged the distance that had been lodged between them.
When the session finally ended, Lucian stripped off his gloves and reached for his bag and for a moment, Elowen thought he might say something..
Ask if she was okay or push just enough to crack through her defenses.
Instead, he only said.. “Same time tomorrow right or later in the evening?”
She swallowed. “Yes same time tomorrow.”
He nodded then left and just like that.. he was gone and the  gym felt colder without him.
To some extent.. Elowen hated how immediately she noticed.
The days that followed only made it worse.
Lucian kept his distance and he didn’t do that with anger or as punishment whatsoever it was just a form of careful restraint.
He showed up to every session, trained harder than ever, listened, trained again then left.
There was no unnecessary lingering conversations or teasing remarks or late-night texts asking if she had eaten.
There were no smug grins when he managed to make her laugh despite herself.
Nothing.. And Elowen told herself she preferred it.. This was better.
Exactly what should have happened. So why did every session feel emptier?
Why did she keep catching herself glancing toward the gym doors before he arrived?
Why did she notice every absence like a physical ache?
On Thursday, he left immediately after training because Dorian had shown up.
Lucian offered her a brief nod before following him out and that should have been it.
Instead, Elowen stood in the middle of the empty ring staring at the doorway long after it had closed.
Laura found her there. “You okay?”
Elowen blinked. “Fine.”
Laura raised an unimpressed brow. “That answer is kind of getting old.”
Elowen busied herself unwrapping her hands. “Didn’t ask for commentary though.”
Laura leaned against the ropes. “You miss him don’t you?.”
The words hit like a sucker punch. “What?”
Laura gave her a look. “Oh please. I’ve seen enough romantic disasters to recognize one.”
“This isn’t..”
“It is actually.”
“It isn’t.”
Laura’s expression softened. “Elowen.”
“No.” The denial came too fast.
Which only made Laura sigh knowingly.
“You keep looking at that door like it offended your entire bloodline for closing.”
Heat climbed Elowen’s neck. “That means nothing.”
“Sure.” Laura smiled faintly. “If that helps you sleep.”
Elowen glared at her like she could kill her with her eyes but Laura only laughed and walked away.
Leaving her alone with the truth she was no longer sure how to outrun.
That night, Elowen sat by her apartment window with her textbooks open and untouched while her phone rested beside her.
There was no message, no sarcastic comment from Lucian, no ridiculous meme… Nothing.
And that was when it hit her.. She missed him.
Not the chaos he brought, not  the complications, not the impossible mess he had become in her life.
She literally missed.. Him.
His infuriating smirk, his stupidly timed jokes, the way his shoulders relaxed when he trusted her enough to breathe, the way his voice softened when he said her name, the way he had looked at her like she was something steady in a world determined to unmake him.
She felt her chest tighten because missing him meant something dangerous.. Something she wasn’t ready to face.
And before she could stop herself she reached for her phone 
Her thumb hovered over his contact she just needed to send one text.. That was all.
Something simple.. Maybe an ‘are you okay?’  Or a ‘Did you get home?’
Anything.. Instead, she locked the screen and set it facedown because the truth was no longer avoidable.
And as she sat there in the quiet, staring into the darkness beyond her window.. She realized the worst fracture of all wasn’t the one forming between her and Kieron.
It was the one splitting straight through every wall she had ever built around her heart and  somewhere deep down, she already knew that..
Lucian Langford was the reason.