14

"Why isn't a year enough?" I gulp, sitting up straight.

I slide my feet into my sneakers under his watchful gaze. When he places his hand on my knee, I feel it tremble under his touch. I look at him, pleading for mercy.

Because with him nearby, I become nothing.

I'm so vulnerable with you, Arthur.

"Do you trust me?"

"With my life."

I'm surprised by how quickly he responds. He licks his lips, his eyes desperate for my answer. However, I think my face says it all.

"I have to go now," I purse my lips.

I grab my purse, tired of being here with him and doing anything but arguing. Tired of looking him in the eyes and not being able to scream that I'm carrying his child.

Tired of not being brave with myself and with Arthur.

"You're running away, that's what you do. You don't have to leave, actually, you just have to run away from me."

I nod, raising my gaze and running my hand over my face with sorrow and frustration.

"Yes, Arthur, I have to run away from you. Because if I stay, I will only end up destroying myself.

Because you think you're in danger by my side, right?" I clench my fists in response to his growl. "Did I hurt you during the year we were together?

"Yes," I reply, standing up. "And I won't let you do it anymore.

"And what the hell did I do, Michelle? I thought you were happy.

"You thought I was happy living a lie by your side?" I furrow my brows, genuinely confused, observing him. "Arthur, I don't want false happiness by your side. I don't want to be the reason you don't come home to sleep with the excuse of having work, I don't want to be the damn reason you pretend to love on camera and then hide from it. I don't want that, Arthur. I don't want and can't be your source of unhappiness.

"You're not that, sweetheart.

"Don't call me that," I mutter, clenching my fists, looking at him with anguish. "Do you love me?

He doesn't answer, and I exhale, shattered by his silence. Because I did love him, despite not knowing everything I wanted to know about him.

"Michelle...

"Are you okay?" I can't help but ask, lowering my gaze to his restless hands. "Are you sleeping well?

He shakes his head, and my heart tightens in my chest at his response. Unexpectedly, all I feel for him expresses itself in that loving hug I gave him. All the annoyance, anger, and resentment were set aside after that.

Even though I'm feeling all this, I would never wish anything bad upon him.

"The nightmares returned," he murmurs in my ear, hugging me around the waist. My body reacts when he sighs, and the warmth of his breath grazes my ear. "Stay with me tonight, please."

I was about to answer, but a flutter in my belly makes me step back and lower my gaze to my stomach. It felt like bubbles. I clear my throat, letting out a sigh.

"Arthur..." I pause, his eyes longing for me to stay. "Why do you want me to stay?

"Because I can sleep well with you.

"We never slept together."

I remind him with a mocking smile, which fails to show how much it hurt me several times, all those times we had sex but he couldn't stay the night in my bed.

"Michelle, there are so many things you don't know," he chuckles.

Unintentionally, I find myself staring at his smile as if it were a diamond. I press my lips, trying to force my desire to smile to stay hidden somewhere in my heart.

"You don't know everything either, Arthur," I point out, causing him to form a small smile. "A year is not enough for us, I suppose."

"Then how long?" He gets closer, placing his hand on my cheek. I open my eyes, surprised by his sudden action. "How long, Michelle? How long do you need to know me completely and realize everything?

"Everything? What is everything?" I swallow.

His thumb goes to my slightly parted lips, caressing them despite their trembling. I couldn't say which one of us leaned in a little closer first, I just know that at some point, our noses were already brushing, and his hand rested on my nape, just as mine rested on his chest.

"Everything about us, darling. Everything that happens between us," I sigh.

He's not being clear. I lick my lips, directing my gaze to his wrists. I catch them with my fingers,

"Yes, Arthur, I have to run away from you. Because if I stay, I will only end up destroying myself.

Because you believe that being with me puts you in danger, right?" I clench my fists at his growl. "Did I hurt you during the year we were together?

"Yes," I reply, getting up. "And I won't let you do it anymore.

"And what the hell did I do, Michelle? I thought you were happy.

"You thought I was happy living a lie by your side?" I furrow my brows, genuinely confused, as I observe him. "Arthur, I don't want a false happiness by your side. I don't want to be the reason you don't come home to sleep, using work as an excuse. I don't want to be the damn reason you fake love for the cameras and then hide from it. I don't want that, Arthur. I don't want and can't be the source of your unhappiness.

"You're not that, sweetheart.

"Don't call me that," I mutter, clenching my fists, looking at him with anguish. "Do you love me?

He doesn't answer, and I exhale, shattered by his silence. Because I did love him, even though I didn't know everything I wanted to know about him.

"Michelle...

"Are you okay?" I can't help but ask, lowering my gaze to his restless hands. "Are you sleeping well?

He shakes his head, and my heart tightens in my chest at his response. Unexpectedly, all my feelings for him manifest in that affectionate hug I give him. All the annoyance, anger, and resentment are set aside after that.

Even though I'm feeling all this, I would never wish anything bad upon him.

"The nightmares returned," he murmurs in my ear, hugging me around the waist. My body reacts when he sighs, and the warmth of his breath grazes my ear. "Stay with me tonight, please."

I was about to answer, but a flutter in my belly makes me step back and lower my gaze to my stomach. It felt like bubbles. I clear my throat, letting out a sigh.

"Arthur..." I pause, his eyes longing for me to stay. "Why do you want me to stay?

"Because I can sleep well with you.

"We never slept together."

I remind him with a mocking smile, which fails to show how much it hurt me several times, all those times we had sex but he couldn't stay the night in my bed.

"Michelle, there are so many things you don't know," he chuckles.

Unintentionally, I find myself staring at his smile as if it were a diamond. I press my lips, trying to force my desire to smile to stay hidden somewhere in my heart.

"You don't know everything either, Arthur," I point out, causing him to form a small smile. "A year is not enough for us, I suppose."

"Then how long?" He gets closer, placing his hand on my cheek. I open my eyes, surprised by his sudden action. "How long, Michelle? How long do you need to know me completely and realize everything?

"Everything? What is everything?" I swallow.

His thumb goes to my slightly parted lips, caressing them despite their trembling. I couldn't say which one of us leaned in a little closer first, I just know that at some point, our noses were already brushing, and his hand rested on my nape, just as mine rested on his chest.

"Everything about us, darling. Everything that happens between us," I sigh.

He's not being clear. I lick my lips, directing my gaze to his wrists. I catch his wrists with my fingers, moving him away from my body. I don't want to end up doing something I might regret.

"You're not being concise," I say.

"I want another chance," he furrows his brows, attempting to speak but I stop him with my firm and determined voice. "I want a fresh start, I want us to truly get to know each other, without contracts, without signatures, and lawyers. Just you and me, Michelle. Je veux un nous."

My mind goes blank with his words. I gulp, looking at him with confusion. Another chance? What does he want?

"To be friends or what the hell?" I refuse, standing up.

A chance to get to know each other would be the bullet that will ultimately kill me. It would be the downfall for both of us when we discover things we don't want to.

When he finds out about my pregnancy.

About my brother in jail.

About my problems, about the reasons I accepted that agreement for money.

No. I can't.

I can't let him get to know me, and I can't get to know him any more than I already have.

Entering his world, having all those eyes on me again.

I'm still surprised they haven't found something to bring me down.