Chapter Sixty-Three

Chapter Sixty-Three
I’ve been debating on this next question but avoiding it won’t do any good so it’s best to just rip the band-aid off.

“Have you heard from Carter?” I ask apprehensively.

His body tenses and I see him take in a deep breath through his nose.

“I’ve not heard from him, but someone else reached out recently…” he responds evasively.

The evidence against Carter was overwhelming, especially when police searched his home and found the evidence that he had been stalking me for months, including all the items he’d stolen from my apartment that I was completely unaware of. I’ve switched perfumes for that very reason. He was looking at up to thirty years in prison for a long list of charges from stalking to aggravated assault, attempting murder, sexual assault, holding someone against their will, animal cruelty, burglary and breaking and entering. He ended up pleading guilty – much to my relief – because it meant we didn’t have to go to trial. The only downside was that he agreed to a guilty plea under the condition that the attorney drop his sentence down to 15 years plus mandatory psychiatric help. Julian and I were pretty pissed off at that, but I couldn’t argue that there was something very wrong with him and he clearly needs help. At least this way he might actually get it and 15 years with him off the street is better than nothing. Lucky for him he had money and a good lawyer.

“Who reached out to you?” I question curiously.

“Do you remember me telling you about my foster sisters Willow and Rebecca?” he asks, his entire body becoming rigid.

I think back on where he mentioned their names until it hits me. “Oh, yeah. They were in the picture you had on your phone, right?”

He nods. “Willow reached out to me a few weeks ago. She had heard about Carter in the news and decided to track me down. She’s living in another state, so we only spoke over video call but…it was a much harder conversation than I expected and honestly, I still feel sick about it.”

“Why? What happened?” I ask with concern, taking his hand and holding it tight.

“Do you remember I told you that Rebecca died of an overdose?” I nod in response. “Well, now I know why. Turns out when we were all living together Carter developed an obsession with Rebecca. I can’t believe I never noticed. My stupid ass just thought he was being a doting big brother because he wanted a family, I never thought it was more than that,” he says, shaking his head in shame, anguish filling his eyes as he fists his free hand so tightly I see the whites of his knuckles.

My stomach begins to drop, and I have a bad feeling I know where this is going, but I’m hoping and praying that I’m wrong.

“Turns out the reason why Rebecca suddenly ended up wanting nothing to do with him is because…” Tears spring to his eyes and I can see him fighting with himself, so I tighten my hold on his hand. “The son of a bitch raped her,” he chokes, shaking his head furiously.

“Oh my God….” I feel bile rise up my throat and the urge to vomit take over, but I tap it down and try to focus on comforting Julian.

“She was just a little girl and she trusted him. She trusted me and I didn’t protect her,” he rasps, his body beginning to shake.

“Julian don’t put that on yourself. You are not responsible for Carter’s actions,” I stress.

“I knew something wasn’t right, Lani. I lived with them under the same roof, why the fuck didn’t I see it?” he wails, holding his head in his hands. “All these years I stayed friends with a fucking rapist. I enabled him, just excusing his behaviour on our upbringing. I knew he had issues but what he did to you and now learning about Rebecca…how many other women did he hurt, and I just didn’t see it?” he weeps into his hands, my heart panging at the sound.

“Maybe that’s something you can talk about to the police or the attorney who handled our case. Maybe get them to open an investigation?” I suggest.

He wipes the tears from his eyes and sniffles. “It’s too late for Rebecca. No wonder she turned to drugs and basically killed herself, and Willow knew the whole time and never said anything. Maybe they were afraid she wouldn’t be believed or that it would get worse, I don’t know. I get why she was so protective of her now but…I wish I could have done something,” he groans in frustration.

“But you can. Okay, maybe it’s too late to get Rebecca justice, but you said yourself there might be other victims. If an investigation can be opened maybe you can get justice for them,” I urge him.

I know Julian and Carter didn’t have the best start in life but it’s so jarring to see the way it has impacted them both. For Julian, it caused long-lasting abandonment and self-sabotage issues, but Carter – who I know had it harder than Julian as a kid – turned into an unhinged, psychotic, stalking rapist. I guess the horrors of the foster system are just as bad as people say. I wonder how many lives would have gone unruined had Carter had a better start at life, or maybe he was always going to end up this way. I guess there is no real way of knowing.

Julian thinks over my words for a moment, silence stretching between us until finally he gives a stiff nod of his head.

“You’re right. You’re always right,” he says with a kind smile. “I’ll go to the attorney and get her advice and then go from there. I couldn’t help Rebecca, but maybe it’s not too late to help someone else.” He takes my hands in his and brings them to his face, kissing my fingers softly. “Thank you, Lani. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Have one less stab wound in your life for starters,” I tease.

He chuckles and lets my hands go. I look down and check the time on my watch.

“Damn. I’m sorry, I need to be across town in a bit, so I really need to get going,” I inform him, collecting my purse and slinging it over my shoulder as I stand up.

He rises to his feet and composes himself. “I don’t want to keep you. Thank you for being willing to meet me. It was really nice to see you and see how well you’re doing,” he says with a gentle smile, but I note the sadness in his eyes.

I walk around the table and give him a tight hug, breathing in his familiar cologne. He pulls me close, wrapping his arms tight around me, burying his nose in my hair. There’s something sombre about our hug. Neither of us is saying goodbye, yet that’s exactly how it feels. I don’t know how much of each other we’ll see after today. Since Carter went to prison our communication has become less and less and maybe that’s for the best. Julian needs time to work on himself and so do I and maybe the only real way to do that is to go our separate ways.

I cup his face in my hands, reach up on my tippy toes and place a soft and tender kiss on his lips. His arms tighten around me as his lips press against mine. It’s a sweet kiss, but as our lips part it feels more and more like a goodbye kiss.

I smile and brush my thumb against his cheeks, “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

He nods, his sapphire eyes looking down at me full of longing and sadness that strikes right into my heart. “I promise. Promise me you’ll always put your happiness first.”

I smile, lowering myself back flat on my feet. “I promise to try.”

He lifts his hand and gently caresses my cheek, his touch warm and comforting as always. “Goodbye, Nalani.”

I hold his hand to my cheek, basking in his touch just a little longer, brushing my thumb against the back of his hand. “Goodbye, Julian.”

With those parting words, I make my way to my car, refusing to look back, knowing if I do I’ll probably start crying. It’s hard to let go of the people you care about and who you know care about you, but sometimes where you’re at in life just isn’t compatible. After all the turmoil I genuinely wish and hope nothing but the best for Julian and I know he wishes the same for me. Julian saved my life, and I will always be grateful to him for that. Now it’s time I learn to start living it again.

I get in my car and drive across town. I find a park, get out and rush into the town hall just in time as I see everyone take their seats in a circle in the middle of the room.

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to show,” announces Marlene from behind me, stirring her fresh cup of coffee.

I give her a reassuring smile. “I haven’t missed a meeting yet; I wasn’t going to start now.”

“Got here just in time, we’re just about to start.”

We walk over to the group and take our seats next to each other as I put my purse at my feet.

“Welcome everyone,” Sam greets the group with his calm and soothing voice. “I’m happy to see so many returning faces. I want to remind everyone that this is a safe space and that you are welcome to speak freely. We don’t judge. We’re all here because we have gotten through something that we didn’t think we could. We are here to support and listen. With that said, would anyone like to start off today’s meeting?” Sam asks, looking around the circle.

I raise my hand. “I would like to start, if that’s okay?”

“Absolutely,” he smiles encouragingly. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I take a breath and look around the faces in the circle. “Hi everyone. My name is Nalani, and I am a survivor.”