Chapter 56 Before The Ice
CALEB
The drive from Mia’s apartment was quiet the entire way. Not the kind of quiet that felt meaningful or heavy, just the normal kind that happens when nothing more needs to be said. The road ahead was clear, streetlights passing in steady intervals, and I kept my hands on the wheel without adjusting anything about my posture or speed. Driving was easier than thinking, and I preferred it that way.
Everything from earlier stayed in the background of my head. Not loud enough to interrupt anything, but present enough that I could not ignore it either. Richard’s call. Mia standing in the kitchen. The burned sandwich. The way I had answered and the way I had ended it. None of it felt finished, even though it technically was.
When I reached my building, I did not get out immediately. I stayed seated with the engine still running and looked forward through the windshield without focusing on anything in particular. My phone was in the cup holder beside me. I did not pick it up because I already knew what was there would not change anything I needed to think about right now.
Eventually I turned the engine off.
The silence that followed was immediate and complete.
I sat there for a few seconds longer just to feel the difference, then opened the door and stepped out into the cold air. It was sharp, clean, and steady. The kind of cold that makes you fully aware of where you are without asking permission. I locked the car and walked toward the entrance of the building.
Inside, the hallway looked exactly the same as it always did. Dim lighting. Neutral walls. No sound except the faint echo of my steps. I dropped my keys onto the counter and the sound felt louder than it should have been, too sharp for something so small.
I stood there for a moment without moving.
Then I opened the fridge out of habit.
It was not hunger. It never was on nights like this or mornings like this. It was just something physical to interrupt the mental loop. I looked inside, saw nothing I wanted, and closed it again.
I leaned against the counter briefly, then moved to the kitchen table and sat down.
The chair made a small sound when I pulled it out. I noticed it, then ignored it.
My phone buzzed.
Eli.
Did you survive dinner or did Mia kill you
I stared at the message for a moment, then typed back.
Both.
Sent it.
A few seconds later he replied.
Classic
Then another message followed.
Try not to overthink tomorrow, coach is already doing enough of that for everyone
I did not respond. I set the phone face down on the table and leaned back slightly in the chair.
The apartment felt normal, but not comfortable. Just empty in a way that made everything inside it louder than it needed to be. I looked around without really focusing on anything. Counter. Sink. Table. Nothing different from any other night.
But it was different.
Tomorrow was sitting behind everything.
Not as a thought. As a fact that had not happened yet but already affected everything around it.
My phone buzzed again.
Mia.
Morning. Jamie already ate most of the food. Mom says she is not nervous but she is sitting like she is.
I read it once, then again.
Tell her I will behave
Her reply came immediately.
She does not believe you
I let out a small breath through my nose. Not a laugh, not really, but close enough to loosen something in my chest for a second.
I stood up from the table and walked to the sink. Turned the tap on. Let the water run without using it. Watched it for a few seconds. Then turned it off again.
It was not about cleaning anything. It was just motion.
I went to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, and looked at myself in the mirror.
Same face as always. Tired in a way that did not change much anymore. Focused in a way that had become automatic. Nothing dramatic. Just steady.
That was enough.
I changed clothes slowly, same routine I always followed on game days. No variation, no decisions. Everything in order because order made it easier not to think about anything outside of it.
Sock. Base layer. Hoodie. Jacket.
Each step familiar enough that I did not have to think about it.
When I finished, I sat on the edge of the bed for a while. No phone in my hand. No music. Just sitting.
The apartment was quiet in a way that was normal for it, but it felt stretched, like it was holding its breath for something that had not arrived yet.
I lay back eventually, not to sleep, just to stop moving for a while. Sleep came in fragments, not deep, not steady. Just in and out. Enough to blur time slightly.
When I woke again, it was already morning light.
Earlier than the alarm.
I stayed still for a moment, then sat up.
The room looked the same as always, but it felt sharper somehow. Not different, just more defined. Like everything had been brought into focus without asking.
I got dressed again in the same order. No changes. No hesitation.
Routine mattered more today than anything else.
In the kitchen I made coffee and stood by the counter while it cooled. I did not sit down. I never sat down on mornings like this. Sitting made time feel longer than it needed to be.
I drank it slowly, standing near the window. Outside, the street looked normal. People moving, cars passing, nothing aware of what day it was for me.
My phone buzzed again.
Mia.
Jamie says if you mess up today he will personally fight you after the game
I read it once.
Fair
Then another message.
Mom says focus
I nodded slightly without thinking about it.
Finished the coffee. Left the mug in the sink. Did not wash it.
I picked up my keys.
Paused at the door for a second without doing anything.
Not thinking. Just waiting for nothing in particular.
Then I stepped outside.
Cold air hit immediately.
Same as always, but today it felt like it had direction.
The arena was already in my head before I even started walking.