Chapter fifty four

Chapter fifty four


Drayton

One thing that became very clear the minute I left the beach house was that Jonathan wasn't wrong. I was truly losing my mind.

The whispering in my head grew louder during the drive here. I couldn't stay at the beach house after everything that happened today.

I saw Penny's text about her getting home late so I decided to come here for some alone time. I knew there was a high chance I'd see Arielle. And maybe, a big part of me wished for it. I needed some sense of normalcy after the shit show that happened today.

But then, she'd asked me that question. How was i supposed to explain that right now, she was the only person preventing me from fading away in my dark world.

The bet with Sinclair had just happened during the heat of the moment. It was clearly the last thing I think about whenever I was with her. But I couldn't put those into words.

“I care about you a lot, Arielle.”

I've never felt more certain about something as I was of those words. I really do care about her, more than even I like to admit sometimes.

But like a pest, memories from my conversation with Jonathan this afternoon filtered back into my mind, ruining my recent treasured memory.
“Jack fainted shortly after your fight…”

“I did it because I love you. Do you really not remember what happened at all?...”

“I do care about you, Drayton. You're my son...”

“You hated me that much that you tried to send me away forever…”

“Because you almost lost your mind...”

I placed my hands on my ears and tried to quieten the voices, but they only grew louder. Both of our voices blended into one.

“It's not grief when you tried to–”

“Say it. When I tried to what?”

“You will be staying with me from now on. It's not up for discussion…”

“I'm slowly losing memories of Mum… I have no memories of you…”

I tore the remnants of my school shirt and tossed it somewhere. My hands went to my hair, gripping it tightly to the point of pain. I focused on the pain for a while, ignoring the voices in my head, but it didn't work.

“Don't you remember what happened?...”

“You really have no recollections…”

“I'm slowly losing memories…”

“You left me when I needed you…”

“...I have very little memories of you…”

“... remember…”

I grabbed the first thing I laid my hand on and threw it hard against the wall. It shattered immediately on impact. I screamed out in frustration.

I felt something liquid oozed out of my body in heavy beads, but I didn't bother to check. I hung my head low and continued pulling at my hair. If I pulled a little bit harder, I might just rip it off my scalp. But if it would make the voices stop, then I was going to do it.

“Drayton, are you okay? What happened?” I raised my head to see the silver blonde, who constantly plagued my thoughts, walking towards me. Her eyes were filled with worry as she dragged it across the room.

It was only then that I realized it wasn't just one thing I broke. Somehow I'd managed to thrash half of my room without even realizing it.

The mirror, which apparently I had punched, due to the shards currently digging into my skin, the alarm clock, the flower vase, which I later realized was what I had thrown on the wall. Penny would be so mad when she sees that.

I hadn't even realized I had done it. This further confirmed my original thought.

“I think I might be losing my mind.” I didn't realize I said that out loud until Arielle moved close to me, tiptoeing around the broken glasses.

“No, you're not.” She said softly. And as I stared into her eyes, I couldn't help but believe it too.

But I tore my gaze away from her and shook my head.

“You don't mean that.”

“Of course, I do. I don't know what you're currently going through but I can assure you you're not losing your mind.” She moved closer to me and stretched her hand out. But I didn't miss the subtle shake of her hand.

I stepped out of her reach before she could touch me.
“Stop saying that!” I screamed.

I hated the hurt that flashed through her eyes as I raised my voice. I hated how she tried so hard to hide how being around me right now was affecting her. I hated that I fought Jack. I hated that I let Jonathan get into my head. I hated everything and everyone.

“Everyone keeps telling me how different I am. I thought they were just being mean so I ignored it, but I'm starting to see it now. I am going crazy and I know it. Stop trying to make me feel better about it. I'm losing memories of the things that matter, Arielle.

I don't remember my family. I don't even remember how my mum died. I don't remember why I moved out of my house. I don't remember why I hate my father. I just do. I don't remember anything and I hate that.” I paused, my breathe came out in heavy exhales.

“I spoke to my father today, and he made me realize that I might be recollecting all the bad memories in my life wrong. Maybe I've just been hating him for nothing this entire time.

And Jack, he was my best friend, and I cut him off because he wasn't there when my mum died. He'd gone to Hawaii for vacation and didn't come back even when he knew she died. My whole world was falling apart and he was on vacation. He didn't even call or send a text. Then when he came back, he immediately started dating the girl who means literally everything to me. I hated him for it.

But what if I was remembering that wrong too? What if he didn't abandon me like I thought he did? Maybe I'd lost the memory of what really happened too. I don't want to go crazy, Arielle. I really don't. But I am. Everyone can see it, that's why they keep their distance. Even you're scared of me.”

“I'm not scared of you, Drayton. I see you. And trust me when I say I don't see any craziness or anything to be scared of.” She said.

“I saw the way your body shook when you saw the state of this room and after my fight with Jack. You want to tell me the violence didn't affect you? That it didn't remind you of things you wished to forget?”

“Of course, it's does. But that's not because of you. It's because of the piece of shit I gave so much control over my life. And that's not on you. Look, you had an episode. It's normal to lose your shit once in a while. You don't have to be perfect all the time, you have to let your mask slip once in a while. It's not craziness, it's being human.” She moved closer to me and grabbed my hand.

“How I reacted to your outburst is on me, not you. You can never scare me away because I see you, Drayton. I see the broken parts and the good parts. And this might sound crazy, but I do care about you too. And because of that, I can't let you dive into this self loathing phase. If you want to find out what happened with your mum, your father, Jack, and why you keep forgetting things, I will help you. But I need you to want to help yourself first.” she said and I felt the sincerity in her voice.

The feeling of her skin on mine became heightened as the silence descended between us, the only sound was our heavy breathes. All my thoughts from earlier had evaporated and my focus was now on the girl standing just within a arm reach.

“So you do care about me?” I asked lightly, but God knows, I needed the answer more than anything.

“Annoyingly, but yes. I care about you a lot, Drayton King.” She chuckled.

She inched closer to me until she was the only thing I could see, breathe, and feel. I swallowed hard, my body itching to do something that might ruin this moment if she didn't want it.

“Frozen?”

“Yes.” She breathed, her voice low and sensual.

“If you keep staring at me like that, I'm going to do something you might not want.”

I expected her to pull away, but instead she leaned closer until our noses grazed and she whispered,

“What makes you think I don't want it?”

Those words were the confirmation I needed as I pulled her towards me and crashed my lips on hers.