Chapter 92 I Miss Home
Iva’s P.O.V.
The silence of Daniel’s penthouse is killing me. The place feels even bigger… and lonelier. I miss Will’s arms. I miss home.
After a long day of endless lectures, his embrace used to draw out all my tiredness. But for two weeks, he has been pushing me away. Why? This single question rings relentlessly in my mind.
I just hope that now that I’ve left him, he realises his mistake and finally tells me the truth behind his behaviour.
I sit down on the sofa, feeling tired in a way that sleep can’t fix. Slowly, I push up the sleeve of my oversized sweater, exposing my wrist.
There it is. Will’s eyes, those piercing grey depths that always seem to see right through to the girl who only wants to be loved.
"Now, no matter where I am, I’m looking at you,” he said that night, pressing his pulse point against mine so the tattoos touched. “And you’re always watching over me, Professor. Always.”
As I trace the lines of the tattooed eyes with my fingertip, a sob escapes from my mouth. “Where did you go, Will? Where is the man who couldn't stand to be an inch away from me?"
This morning at the college, I looked for that man. I stared into his real eyes, searching for even a flicker of the warmth that lives in this ink. But I found nothing but a strange, haunted distance. He looked at me like I was a problem to be solved. He told me it wasn’t a big deal that he ignored me.
How could he? We are supposed to be one soul. If he is hurting, I am supposed to feel it. If he is busy, I am supposed to be his peace. But he has shut the door and locked it from the inside, leaving me shivering in the hallway of our own life.
I stare at the tattoo until my tears fall on it. The grey eyes on my wrist seem to mock me now. They are a permanent reminder of a broken promise. He promised to watch over me, yet he is the one pushing me into darkness.
I pull my sleeve down, hiding the tattoo. But I can still feel it.
When the sun disappears, the penthouse feels cold. As I curl into a ball on the sofa, clutching my wrist, I know the truth. I don't want someone better. I want the monster who is currently breaking my heart, because I know that somewhere behind those cold grey eyes, my Will is still screaming for me.
I know he is hiding something big, but the mystery of why he is hurting me is a blade that twists every time I breathe.
One Week Later
It has been seven days.
Seven days of waking up in a room that doesn’t smell like him.
Seven days of checking my phone every three minutes, hoping to see his name on the screen, only to find an empty notification bar.
He hasn't called. Not once.
I haven’t had the strength to eat. Everything tastes like ash. My stomach feels like a hollow pit, and my head throbs with a constant rhythm. I spend most of the day curled on the floor of the guest room, my fingers tracing the grey eyes on my wrist until the skin is raw.
I haven't gone to college for three days. I don't feel like going anywhere, and I can't teach in this condition. God! I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have lost everything.
How can I survive without him? I don't know why this is happening to us, but I still find myself worried about him. I know something has happened to him. I can't just forget him in a few days.
I’m lost in my thoughts when the doorbell rings. I pull myself up from the floor. I know who comes at this time. Daniel, the stranger who has become a friend. He is here during my worst days, but I don't want him here either. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I want only one man, and he is ignoring me.
Fuck! I can't even hate him while he is killing me from the inside.
I walk toward the main door, lost in a daze. I open it to find Daniel carrying a bag of takeout and a bottle of wine. He looks at me
and sighs, because I’m shrunken, pale, and still in the same clothes from yesterday.
He walks over to the kitchen counter and pours a glass of wine for me as I sit down on the sofa.
"Iva, please," he says, stepping towards me. "Drink this. You need something to take the edge off. You’re wasting away."
As he offers me the glass, I push it away. "I don't want it, Daniel. I just want to go home."
"Home?" His voice becomes serious. "Iva, look at yourself. You’ve been here for a week, and has he reached out? Has he come to find you? He hasn’t even called to see if you’re alive. You’re here dying for him, and he’s probably at the club, busy with his work."
"He loves me," I choke out, the tears starting again. Fuck! Why don’t they stop? “I know he does. I can feel it. Something is wrong, Daniel. He’s hiding something... he wouldn't just stop loving me overnight."
"He doesn't love you the way you love him," Daniel insists, setting the glass down and kneeling in front of me. "A man who loves a woman doesn't push her. He doesn't let her walk out of his life like this. You deserve so much better than this marriage."
"What should I do?" I sob, clutching my chest because it feels like my ribs are actually breaking. "I love him so much that I can’t even breathe properly without him. Every breath feels like I'm inhaling glass."
"You have to let go.” As Daniel leans closer to me, I don't feel right. I turn my face away from him.
"I can't. I know him. I know his heart. I feel like something is going on in his life and he’s just—"
Suddenly, a wave of intense nausea hits me. It is so violent and sudden that I have to clap my hand over my mouth. I scramble up, pushing past Daniel, and run into the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet before dropping to my knees and starting to throw up.
There is nothing in my stomach to come up, just bitterness. I stay on the cold tile floor for a long time, shivering. I feel so weak.
I stand up slowly, holding the sink to keep my balance. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look like a stranger. My skin is grey, my eyes are sunken, and my lips are cracked.
"Iva? Are you okay?" Daniel is standing by the bathroom door, his face full of concern.
"I'm... I'm just exhausted.” I try to walk past him to get back to the sofa, but the floor suddenly feels like it is tilting. The walls of the penthouse begin to spin, faster and faster.
"Iva…” Daniel’s voice sounds like it is coming from underwater. My knees buckle, and the world goes black. I feel his arms catch me before I hit the ground, but even as I lose consciousness, the last thing I think of isn't the man holding me.
It is Will. It is always Will.