Chapter 35 This Can’t Be Real
Iva’s P.O.V.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror, gently brushing my hair, getting ready to meet Will. I should be excited like always, but my mind is somewhere else.
I lied to Will.
My will!
The one person I never wanted to lie to.
I close my eyes and sigh. The guilt is killing me because I’ve lied to him so many times. He called me today, and once again, I hid the truth. I told him I was with my mom, but I was actually at a cafe with that guy. Since then, the guilt has been eating me alive.
I’m not feeling good. I did so wrong with him.
But the truth is, my mom forced me to meet that guy today. She’s been pushing me for weeks. She fixed this meeting without even telling me, forcing me to get married, saying it’s time for me to settle down, as if love is something that can be arranged over a casual coffee meeting. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t understand that my heart already belongs elsewhere.
To Will.
My student.
Someone younger.
Someone I shouldn’t want.
Yet every second away from him feels painfully wrong.
And somehow, I’ve already fallen in deeper than I meant to.
I told her I’m not ready to meet that guy, I really did. But she wasn’t ready to listen this time. Then I thought I could just meet him once and tell him that I love someone else, and that’s exactly what I did.
I told him straight to his face, when he was all ready to marry me. “I’m sorry, but I’m in love with someone else.” I saw the disappointment in his eyes, but I didn’t care.
My heart already beats for Will, and it always will.
The moment my eyes first fell on him, sitting at his desk with that smile and stubborn honesty burning in his eyes, something inside me shifted forever. In that instant, without even trying, he stole my heart.
So how could I marry someone else when I already belong to him?
When my soul, my heart, my body, every broken and whole part of me, has already been given to someone I can never unlove?
That’s why I told Mom that I love someone. I couldn’t delay it, because it was useless to hide it from her any longer. But I didn’t tell her the whole truth. I didn’t tell her that the person I love is my student, that he’s younger than me. I don’t know how she’ll react, and I’m not ready for that yet.
I did one thing wrong in all this that I lied to Will. Because he is so possessive, so intensely in love with me, I knew that if I told him I was meeting some random guy, even just to reject him, he would surely lose his mind. He wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t wait for me to explain. Out of that fear, I lied to him. And even though lying seemed easy in the moment, it’s only making things harder for me now. The guilt is eating me alive.
I’m playing with the necklace he gifted me, my fingers fidgeting in nervousness. Tonight, I’m meeting him. He has planned something. He sounded so happy when we spoke on the phone this morning, like nothing’s wrong, like he trusts me completely. And in that moment, I felt like telling him the truth about my lie. But I don’t know why I lied again, maybe out of fear of how he would react. He trusts me so much that he believes in my lie.
That’s what’s breaking me the most.
I don’t deserve his trust right now.
But I’ve decided to tell him everything tonight. Even if it risks everything. Even if he gets angry. Even if he walks away. I can’t hide this from him anymore.
I thought it was just a small lie, but this lie is killing me from the inside. I don’t know how he will react. I don’t know if he’ll forgive me or not.
I brush the final stroke of lipstick across my lips and glance at the time on my wristwatch.
It’s almost time to see him. My heartbeat quickens with each second, but not in the way it usually does when I think of Will.
This time, it’s fear. Fear of telling him about my lie… fear of telling him that I met someone behind his back.
God! Iva, stop getting scared. He’s your Will. He loves you, and he will understand why you lied to him. Just calm down.
My mind tries to soothe me.
I whisper to myself as I pick up my bag, “Everything will be fine, Iva.”
As I reach his place, I grip the steering wheel and take a deep breath before stepping out. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and walk toward his house, my heartbeat racing faster with every step. I’m getting myself ready to tell him the truth.
The entire drive here, I’ve been preparing myself, thinking about confessing the lie, the meeting, and the guilt I’m feeling right now.
I raise my hand to ring the bell, but pause when I notice the door is slightly ajar.
Strange.
He never leaves it open.
Did he forget to lock it… or is this something else?
“Will?” I call, stepping inside.
But the house is silent.
The only sound is the click of my heels against the floor. I walk toward the living room, and then, I freeze, my eyes widen.
I see him.
My Will.
With a girl.
His arms are wrapped tightly around her waist. His lips are pressed to hers. They’re kissing, so lost in each other they don’t even notice me.
I stand there like a statue, not able to breathe, unable to blink. I can’t believe my eyes.
No.
This isn’t real. This can’t be real.
Will is mine.
This has to be a nightmare. Any second now, I’ll wake up in my bed.
But why does it feel so real? Why do the tears sliding down my cheeks burn like fire?
They’re devouring each other’s lips, and I’m losing my mind.
Oh God! I can’t breathe.