Chapter Eight

When Quinn returned the next morning, she didn’t mention he’d been gone overnight. He expected the same cold, angry silence as usual. Instead, she said, “I’m going to make breakfast. Do you have any preference?”

He started to tell her he wasn’t hungry, but his stomach cramped then, reminding him he was. He’d spent all night at the bar, but he hadn’t been consuming alcohol. He’d used it as a refuge to escape his house, ordering drinks he never really touched. The idea of losing himself in alcohol had been briefly tempting, but he didn’t deserve that kind of reprieve. After nearly causing a miscarriage by rushing Azaria off to bed, he deserved every bit of suffering headed his way.

“Eggs.” They sounded easy, and since she’d taken over care of the hens, they were sure to be fresh eggs. He was often gone and hadn’t really bothered with anything besides basic care for them, since he didn’t rely on them as a food source. If they hadn’t come with the house, he wouldn’t have had them anyway.

“I can do that. How do you like your eggs?” She sent him a smile. It was a small one, but it appeared real.

He frowned, confused. He’d expected her to either completely ignore him or to launch into a tirade about him storming off. He certainly hadn’t expected a gentle tone and conciliatory gesture of making his eggs.

“It seems silly not to know how you like your eggs, since we’re living together.” She made the comment offhand, not addressing the fact he hadn’t yet answered. “I like eggs all ways except boiled. Maybe soft-boiled, but I hate a hard yoke.”

“Huh.” It wasn’t the most eloquent answer, but he spoke the word as he sat down at the table, still feeling bewildered. “I like soft fried.”

“Sure thing.” Her voice broke for a moment, and she seemed like she might not know how to make those as she stared down at the eggs. After a second, she blinked and started moving industriously again.

He watched her work, unable to break the silence. She didn’t seem inclined to speak either, but it wasn’t the same kind of cold silence they’d maintained between them for most of the last couple of weeks. Instead, this felt neutral for certain, and perhaps even soothing.

She bustled over to the table a short time later, placing a plate of eggs in front of him. She had one for herself as well, and he noted she’d made scrambled. He realized it was a strange thing to be discovering about her after all this time. How could they ever hope to have a happy relationship when they knew nothing about each other?

He’d been fooling himself with the brief idea of the tantalizing possibility that they could. He was certain she’d rather be back on the convent planet and would be happier there. If he weren’t a selfish bastard, he’d offer to take her and the child and deal with the consequences of madness. It was far more likely to be the Alpha who went crazy from being denied his Omega than it was for an Omega losing her Alpha—especially when the Omega had no feelings for him besides mild contempt.

He couldn’t bring himself to make the offer though. Maybe it was the right thing to do, but he wanted to keep her and their daughter with him. He’d already been selfish for half his life, so what was another half? Still, he wrangled at the guilt that tried to sweep through him before shutting it down. He could make her happy. He just had to find a way to do that.

“How are the eggs?” She seemed nervous, but she couldn’t be that anxious about the state of his eggs and enjoyment thereof.

“They’re good.”

She took a deep breath, seeming to be drawing on her courage. He braced himself for a request, expecting her to ask him to take her back to Paladin. He was prepared to tell her no, but he realized he’d probably end up saying yes. If it would genuinely make her happy, it was his role to do that. It didn’t matter how unhappy he was at losing her. He owed it to her to see to her needs, and if those needs didn’t include him, he had to accept that.

“Did Catriona make your eggs like that?”

He stiffened at the sound of his wife’s name on her lips. “What?” Iciness filled him, and he could see the regret forming in her expression. “What do you know about Catriona?”

She looked away from him, blinking rapidly. “I saw her picture in your office last night, so I called Ryder. He told me a little bit about the situation.”

He stiffened further and pushed away his plate. “Betrayed by my own brother.”

She looked at him, her expression stern. “He wasn’t betraying you. I explained to him that I thought maybe the information was the key for us finding a way to be happy together, and he agreed. He just told me the barebones, but he didn’t tell me how you felt, or how you’ve coped since then. I need you to open up to me if we’re going to have any chance to make this work, Quinn.”

His first impulse was to push away from the table and leave the house again, but as he looked at her, her expression pleading for information, he couldn’t deny her request to meet her halfway. “She was my wife. It wasn’t just an Alpha/Omega bond between us. I loved her, and she loved me, and we got married within months of bonding.”

“Were you happy?” she asked after he drifted into silence again.

He nodded. “Happiest I’d ever been. When we found out we were having a child, I was happier still.” He trailed off, slumping forward. He braced his head in his hand, blinking back hot tears that always plagued him whenever he thought of how happy he’d been.

“It was an easy pregnancy, and there didn’t seem to be anything wrong. We weren’t on a planet with a medical center, but there was a midwife and a few doctors, and it seemed sufficient for our needs.”

He bunched his hands into fists as he recalled those last few moments, when Catriona had gone from smiling through her contractions to a look of fear crossing her face. It hadn’t been pain but outright terror. She’d known something was wrong, and that was how he’d known too. “She hemorrhaged, and there was nothing they could do to save her or Javik.”

The words were simple, but they didn’t begin to describe how horrifying it had been to watch his wife and child die in front of him, her blood spreading in a large pool. He’d known she could never survive losing that much, though he’d clung to the desperate hope the doctor and midwife in attendance could save her.

“I’m sorry.” She took his hand, her touch gentle. “That must have been devastating.”

He found the strength to look up and meet her gaze as he nodded. “Nothing’s ever been the same since. After burying her and Javik, I left the planet where we’d been so happy, and I made the decision I’d never take another Omega again. I didn’t want to.”

She licked her lips, her anxiety obvious. “Do you still feel that way?”

He groaned as he closed his eyes. “I have for years. I did until recently. I still want to feel that way, but I can’t any longer. It seems heartless to turn away from you when I’m your Alpha, and I’m supposed to be taking care of you and seeing to your happiness.”

She swallowed. “You deserve to be happy too. If my presence makes you unhappy, that’s unfair to you.”

He closed his eyes again, taking several deep breaths as he tried to restore his calm. When he opened his eyes, he could see sorrow filling her eyes. “You don’t make me unhappy. I’m just afraid for you and for her.”

She nodded. “I understand that, and I guess you’ve been trying to protect your heart and not love me? I’ve been doing the same thing because I didn’t think I could trust you. I thought you were just a selfish, inconsistent Alpha. I didn’t realize there were good reasons behind your behavior.”

He groaned. “No reason has been good enough to justify how I pushed you away. I left you on this planet without any way to take care of yourself.”

She nodded. “You did, but you were also going to earn money to take care of us.”

He frowned. “Don’t make excuses for what I’ve done.”

She shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not. I’m simply being pragmatic. Neither of us have behaved in the best interests of forming a happy union. We’ve both been trying to protect ourselves from each other, and from keeping any emotion from developing. It’s unlikely we could be happy that way, don’t you agree?”

He sighed as he nodded, realizing she was about to ask him to return her to Paladin. “I’ll take you home to the convent if that’s what you want.”

She gasped, and he looked at her again, seeing her shock. It quickly became anger that faded to hurt. “I see. If that’s what you prefer, I’ll pack.” She started to stand up.

He let her, waiting until she’d walked near him before grabbing hold of her and pulling her into his arms, settling her on his lap. “It’s definitely not what I want, but I thought it was what you wanted. I thought you were setting all this up to ask me to take you back to the convent after showing there’s no future for us. The last thing I want is for you to walk away. I should be noble and let you, and I’m trying to be if that’s what you need, but don’t mistake that for me wanting it.”

She looked up at him, her eyes earnest as she gazed at his expression for a long moment. Slowly, hope seemed to form in her eyes, and she licked her lips. “You don’t want me to leave?”

He put his hand over her stomach. “I don’t want either one of you to leave. I want you to be part of my life, and I think it’s too much to ask for second chance, but I’m asking anyway. Do you think there’s a possibility we could build something between us, something that will make us happy?”

Her lips trembled for a moment, and she blinked rapidly. “I think that’s possible. As long as we’re both working for it, and we let down our guards, I think it can happen.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer, sensing everything important in his life hinged upon what she said next.

“Yeah, I will.”

He embraced her tighter, holding her against him as he relished the feel of her arms embracing him just as firmly. They still had a lot of work ahead of them, but for the first time since he’d met her, he was hopeful he could have love and laughter in his life again, in the form of the delicate Omega in his arms and the baby forming in her stomach. It was strange to feel any sort of optimism for the future, and it caused a giddy sensation to sweep through him. His chest bubbled, and a rusty laugh escaped him. He hadn’t laughed like that in years, but it felt good.