chapter 316: The Feeling Of Loss

chapter 316: The Feeling Of Loss
Chapter 316: The Feeling Of Loss

Abigail 

“It is so dull,” I whispered to myself as my tears filled eyes blurred the vision of the tiny and almost broken piece of jewelry on the bed before me.

“It used to sparkle so much when Rodrigo gave it to me. It was so bright and smooth.”

Sonia was sitting beside me, rubbing my back as I mumbled about the most random things.

“Now, it is so dark and rough. It is weird to think that I assumed that was one of the worst times in my life.” She nodded beside me, not saying a word.

“I want to see Capo.” I told her. She sighed, knowing why.

“Abigail, he is not going to plan a funeral until we find him, he is not going to give up looking for Rodrigo and you shouldn't be giving up this soon either.” 

It has been one week since we went to the crash location, Edith and her husband had left, they had their own stuff to deal with and they didn't need to be sitting here like ducks when there wasn't anything going on. They would come back as soon as Capo and Nicolas found something. Luke’s sleeping body moved in my hold, I looked down at him and brushed his back out of his face before gently rubbing my thumb across the tears that dried onto his face. He misses him and he is too intuitive to believe the lies we had been telling him. We told him that Rodrigo left for a trip and will be back soon. He knows Rodrigo very well, he knows he wouldn't leave without saying goodbye.

“Why would I keep hope just for it to break me even more when they find his corpse, Sonia?” I breathed, my body shaking as I held Luke tighter. She didn't answer.

I have lost my babies, my mother, my father and now, the love of my life. The feeling of loss was what I came into this world to experience, I was given everything just for each thing to slowly be taken away and for what? I didn't know yet. I couldn't understand or fathom that there would be a reason as to why this was happening to me. What did I do? What could I have done differently? Maybe, I could have aborted Fiona and never allowed Rodrigo to ruin my life only to make it into something beautiful in the end? No, I don't regret any of it, those choices led me to the people I now love the most in this world. But now, I have lost almost everything and I don't know why.

“Sonia?” Nicolas’s voice boomed through the front door downstairs as it opened and closed, following my footsteps walking into the foyer.

“We are back.” 

Both him and Capo were out most days doing god knows what. They weren't getting any closer to Rodrigo, the only hint he had gotten was the collar, otherwise everything else was a dead end. They couldn't track him in any way, there were no trails that went far enough to find them a clue as to where Rodrigo was taken, there was nothing.

“I will be right back.” Sonia said, kissing my temple before slowly getting off the bed so she wouldn't wake Luke.

“Could you tell Capo I would like to speak with him, please?” I asked her, taking the collar off the bed as she nodded and walked out. She closed the door behind her, I leaned back, adjusting Luke so that he was laying on my chest and caressing the now old rusted metal in my hands.

Such a tiny thing being an element of some of the biggest occurrences in my life was insane to think about. It brought me nothing but pain, first, with Rodrigo and the second with master. It felt invisible knives were digging into my neck every time I put it on. I hate it, I hate the person it turned me into and I hate how easily I allowed these men to manipulate and control me when it was on. Touching the damn thing was equivalent to dipping the tips of my fingers into boiling water and it created a burning pain that started at my fingers and then quickly erupted throughout my whole body until my heart fell into the pit of my stomach.

“Abigail?” Capo's voice appeared beside me, I looked away from it and found him beside the bed, looking down at me. His gaze switched over to Luke and then back before he sat beside me. 

“How has he been?” He asked, looking down at his son 

“Good, he woke up early so it didn't take much time to put him back to sleep. Have you…”

“No,” he shook his head before even having to hear the question.

“We haven't gotten anything and before you fucking say it, we are not planning the funeral. It is not happening until we find a body, so don't even start with that bullshit again.” He seethed, his teeth grinding against each other as he brushed his hand through his hair in a stressful manner. Rodrigo always did that.

I closed my eyes, my face feeling hot and weighed down as I rested it back against the headboard. A few tears fell as thoughts of where he could be, what he could be doing and whether he was alive or not filled my mind when tiny hands appeared on my wet cheeks.

“Abby?” The little boy whispered, I lifted my head and opened my eyes, blinking the tears away until his blurry face was cleared.

“You should be asleep.” I said, brushing his messy hair out of his eyes.

“I know, don't tell father.” He said. Capo cleared his throat, making his son’s head snapped in his direction before he dropped into my chest.

“Oh, no.” The corner of my lips turned up into a grin as I watched Capo smiled down at him, raising an eyebrow to scare the boy.

“Don't tell me?” He said.

“You mischievous little boy, your father knows everything.” 

“Father?” He called while playing with his blanket.

“Yes?” He answered, ducking his head though it was at the boy's level.

He smiled, dropping his voice down to just above a whisper.

“Do you know where uncle Rodrigo is?” 

Capo's face fell as well as mine at the mention of his uncle. The beating of my heart quickened as the both of us looked at each other, lost and unknowing of what to say to him. Capo opened his mouth, trying to figure out what to say, how to say it when Lucy burst through the doorway.

“Luke!” She exclaimed excitedly.

“Do you smell that?” He shot up, sniffing the air and shook his head.

“No, what is it?” 

“Cookies,” she whispered, cupping her mouth so that Capo wouldn't hear her telling him that Sonia was making cookies.

“Come on,” she put out her hands and he stood up, jumping off the bed and into her arms and she feigned a groan.

“You are getting heavy, are you drinking milk as I told you?” 

“Yes,” he replied, flexing his bicep. 

She carried him out of the room, winking at us before closing the door. Capo sighed, dropping his head into his hands in relief.

“Thank goodness for that woman.”