CHAPTER 82 — SHADOWS AND LIGHT

CHAPTER 82 — SHADOWS AND LIGHT
VIOLET’S POV

The sheets felt cool against my skin as I lay awake in the guest room, watching the first hints of dawn paint the room across the stone walls. 
Even with the fire still glowing in the hearth and a thick wool blanket pulled up to my chin, I couldn’t shake the chill that seemed to be seeping through the blanket to my bone, it's the kind of chill that comes from knowing that danger was always just a breath away.

But fear  wasn't what was keeping me up tonight.

My mind kept replaying the moment on the terrace with Alistair, the warmth I felt of his hand on my face and the way his lips felt against mine.
How safe I’d felt even with the whole world stacked against us. Then my thoughts drifted to Donovan, his steady presence at the wheel as we’d raced through Milan’s streets, the way his fingers had brushed mine when he’d reached across the seat and the way he always seems to care for me and protecting me.
Then there was Damien, his rough hands gentle when he’d helped me to my feet, the way he had looked at me and held me in that boat and then the way his eyes had softened when I’d spoken of my father.

I pressed my palms to my cheeks, feeling the heat rise there. 
It was wrong, wasn’t it? To feel this way about three men at once. I getting tangled up with more than one person is definitely a recipe for disaster, it would only lead to heartbreak.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, pulling on the thick wool cardigan Laura had lent me. 
The house was quiet this time of morning, the only sounds in the house was the crackle of dying embers and the distant call of a bird in the olive groves outside. I made my way to the kitchen, hoping a cup of tea might clear my head.

The moment I stepped through the door, I saw Laura sitting at the wooden table with a mug of black coffee in front of her and her eyes are fixed on the window. She didn’t turn when I came in, but I knew she’d heard me.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” I asked softly, moving to the counter to fill the kettle.

“Never sleep well before a storm,” she said, her voice flat. 
“Marco’s coming for us, and you’re sitting up there dreaming about the Einstein brothers like this is some kind of fairy tale.”

The kettle slipped in my hands, water sloshing onto the stone floor. 
I set it down carefully, my heart was beginning to race. “Laura, I...”

“Don’t,” she cut me off, finally turning to look at me. Her eyes were red-rimmed, like she’d been crying, but her jaw was set hard. 
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what you’re doing. You walk in here with your music boxes and your tears, and suddenly all three of them can’t take their eyes off you.”

“That’s not fair,” I said quietly, wrapping my arms around myself. “I never meant to...”

“Never meant to what?” She stood up, her chair scraping against the floor. 
“Never meant to make Alistair look at you the way he used to look at me? Never meant to make Donovan talk about ‘changing the world’ when all he’s ever cared about was surviving it? Never meant to make Damien begining to behave like someone who wants to settle down when he’s spent his whole life running?”

I took a step back, hurt flashing through me.
“I didn’t know, I mean, I knew you were friends, before your disappearance, but I never thought...”

“Friends?” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“We were more than friends, Violet. All of us. We’ve been through hell together, spilled blood for each other, built our lives around protecting one another and then you showed up out of nowhere."
"Do  you know when I was out there, I was training and planning for the day I'll come back and reunite with them. I came back from a supposed death and just because you're here pretending to be a victim, then suddenly everything we had and everything we were, doesn’t matter anymore.”

The kettle began to whistle, a sudden sound that cut through the tension in the room, a sound that I was grateful for.
I turned off the burner, my hands shaking as I pulled two mugs from the shelf, one for me and one for her. I made the tea the way Rosa had taught me, adding honey and a slice of lemon, and set the second mug in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting down across from her. 
“I never wanted to hurt anyone. I never asked for any of this, for Mr Einstein to take my mother, for Marco to be married to her, for everybody around me to get pulled into my mess and for me to feel… the way I feel about them.”

Laura stared at the mug in front of her, her fingers wrapped tightly around the warm ceramic and then looking at me with an expression I can't describe.
“I don’t understand any of this,” I continued, looking down at my own tea.
“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, not even with my ex husband Justin. With Alistair, it’s like coming home, he’s kind and he sees parts of me I didn’t even know existed. With Donovan, it’s like standing at the edge of a cliff, it's scary and thrilling all at once, and I know he’d never let me fall."
"With  Damien… he makes me feel like I can be brave, even when I’m terrified. Like I’m strong enough to face whatever comes next.”

Laura was quiet for a long time, staring out the window at the sun beginning to rise over the hills. Finally, she picked up her mug and took a sip of tea.
“Just stay out of my way,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper but hard with malice. 
“I see who you really are, even when nobody sees. So quit acting like some helpless damsel and don't ever think in your little head that you can ever replace me.”

“I don’t want to replace you,” I said urgently. “You’re...”

“You’re not replacing me,” she said, cutting me off while looking at me directly now. 
I'm sorry if...
But she was out of the door before I could even complete my sentence.