Chapter 229 Chapter 229

Chapter 229 Chapter 229
Kyra POV

“With lots of love and faith. That’s how. What are you hoping to find in these journals, Kyra? Talk to me if something is on your mind.”

I shrug helplessly.

“I don’t know. Lots of things, I guess. I miss her, and I feel like I should have had more time to get to know her better. But if you really want to know, I was wondering about the conversation you two were having the morning of the accident.”

“What conversation?”

“Mom said that Tor understands and why can’t you? What did that mean?”

He sits on the bed with a distant look on his face, like he’s trying to rewind back to that day. I sit next to him and wait.

“Mom wanted out of the band life,” he finally says. “She wanted me out, too. She was tired of both of us traveling all the time, never having privacy or enough time with you, and she wanted to have another baby. I guess she and Tor had talked about it and he was supportive of it. And I get that. There’ve been a lot of times when I wanted out of the band, too, but it’s hard to give up. It’s been my entire life. All my blood, sweat, and tears. I love the rush of the audience, of writing and singing new songs. You and your mom have always been more important to me, but leaving the band… it’s just such a hard thing to even think about. It would affect my brothers, and my cousins too, since they’re in the band. I have to think about everyone involved, ya know? It’s not easy.”

“I understand, Dad.”

“That morning we were talking about it again. Sometimes your mom would mention that Tor was always so understanding, and he is. That’s just who he fuckin’ is and what we all love about him. But sometimes I get sick of hearing it. Nobody wants to hear that another guy understands his wife better than he does sometimes. That’s all it was.”

He grabs my mother’s pillow and holds it against his chest.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you about the journal. It’s just private and I try to respect her personal things.”

I feel ashamed of myself for prying into her journal.

“I’m sorry I tried to read them. I’ve just been moody and confused lately.”

“I can take you to see her, Kyra. Maybe if you just sit and talk to her, you’ll feel better. That’s what I do. There’s a good chance she can hear us, the doctor said so.”

My heart does that lurch-and-freeze thing it always does when we talk about my mother. I don’t know if I can sit by her bed, hold her lifeless hand, and chatter about my day while she lies there, trapped in sleep.

A few times I’ve tried, but it doesn’t feel like she’s there, and it seems cruel to talk to her when she can’t respond. What if she can hear us and wants to respond, but feels trapped and scared? What if she’s really petrified wherever she is mentally? Or is there just nothing there anymore?

These are the things that drive me insane and make me sick with worry. All I know for sure is I miss her smile and her amazing eyes that once held so much life and happiness.

“I’ll think about it,” I say.

“Kyra… What's going on with you? You’ve been acting so off lately. You were totally preoccupied with Sydni being at the hospital with Tor, and you’ve been distant and distracted. Even the trip to Katherine’s was sudden. You never just do things like that, you always plan. You’re not flighty.”

I struggle for the right words.

“I don’t know. I guess just basic life confusion after graduation,” I offer weakly.

He shakes his head and turns his body to face mine.

“I’m so good at reading everyone else in this family. I can feel what’s going on with all of them, like a deep intuition, if that makes any sense. It’s always been there. But with you… it’s so hard.”

He sighs and hugs the pillow tighter.

“I know this will sound crazy, but since the accident, I dream about your mother, and she shows me things. Like things that are going on with people we love. Like the day Uncle Talon got married. I dreamt that your mother showed me his wife all alone, with no one to walk her down the aisle. That’s why I walked her.”

His eyes close and he leans his chin on the pillow.

“I sound like a head case.”

“No, Dad. You really don’t,” I reply softly. “You sound like someone who has an amazing connection with their wife and the people they love.”

He studies my face some more.

“Where were you tonight? It’s late. Actually, you’ve been coming home late almost every night. Chloe’s in New York, so where are you every night? Who are you with? I feel like I have no idea what you do anymore or who you spend time with, and I don’t like it. I don’t want to lose you, Kyra.”

Swallowing hard, I refuse to lie right to his face. I can’t.

“I was at Tor’s. Watching movies.”

His stare deepens, and his expression changes to one I’ve never seen before. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his cell phone.

“That’s funny. I sent a text to Tor earlier asking if he wanted to grab a drink, and he wrote back that he was spending the night with a chick. Did his plans change?”

My heart goes into ballistic overdrive.

“Oh. I’m not sure.” I stand up, and my legs wobble with shaky nervousness. “I’m going to go to bed. It’s late.”

“Is something going on?” he asks, with a touch of suspicion in his voice.

“No, Daddy. I’m just tired.”

He follows me down the hall to my bedroom, and my panic escalates with each step. His radar is tuned directly at me, and that is definitely not a good sign.

“Why are you hovering?” I ask him. “I just want to go to sleep.”

My cell phone beeps from where it’s laying on my bed, and his eyes immediately go to it. I reach for it, but he grabs it from my hand.

“Dad—”

His jaw clenches and his eyes go wide as he stares at the screen.

“What. The. Fuck,” he says with agonizing slowness, his gaze shifting to mine.

“Is something going on with you and Tor?” he asks in disbelief.

I snatch the phone away from him and quickly read the screen.

Tor: I love you, Angel. I can’t stand the way you left tonight. Please call me. Any time tonight, I don’t care. I just want to hear your voice.