Chapter 59 REASSURANCE FROM HIS MATE
SEBASTIAN'S POV
I slump back onto the bed in resignation, hugging my knees to my chest.
I'm trying to steady my racing thoughts and not jump into any conclusions.
“Why can’t you tell me?” I whisper out, almost to myself. “Why can’t either of you tell me what’s going on? What are you hiding from me?”
At that moment, Ragnar moves towards me.
He stops at the edge of the bed, his huge presence filling the entire bed even though he's not in it.
There's a certain sense of measurement and carefulness he's showing with the way he's gingerly sitting at the edge of the bed and he's hesitating on what to say.
Well I'd like to hear it.
He studies my expression for a beat before adjusting his position on the bed.
He's testing the edge of the bed as if it had all the answers he'll need.
Even now, radiating from head to toe with pure and raw alpha power, he's hesitating with fear as to whatever he'll say to me.
I wonder what secret is so big and earth shattering that he feels hesitant to tell me.
I think sourly about the fact that he and Alisander share such a huge secret between them.
“Sebastian,” he begins with his voice low but firm. “You need to listen to me and calm yourself first, or none of this will make sense.”
His hesitant voice is carrying both weight and care as he's figuring out the best way to break it to me.
I lift my head slowly to really look at him with the blanket slipping from my shoulders.
I'm actually relieved and feeling a little glee that his eyes are following the slipping blanket in my body with greed.
At least he still wants me.
Or Alisander, afterall we share the same body.
I shake off the negativity and focus on what he's about to tell me.
“I–” I start, but my throat tightens and I'm stuck as the words are trapped inside my throat. “I just… I don’t understand. Why–why were you… like that? And why–what happened between you and Alisander?”
Ragnar exhales sharply and starts twisting his neck. “Alisander…” He pauses, as if weighing his words carefully before he says them. “He has his reasons, well as little as I know, I know he probably has his reasons for not telling you.”
“And from his silence, I'm sure this is one of the things you don’t know yet. And some things… you just aren’t meant to know right now.”
The words sting me deeply and sharp like ice against my skin.
My jaw tightens in anger and fear.
He is my mate!
Mine!
And we're the same person!
What does he mean by I'm not meant to know?!
“Not meant to know?” I echo out with my voice trembling.
“Is this about me? Are you… are you keeping me out because–because I’ll get in the way of you two? Or because you trust him more than me?”
Ragnar freezes and I spy a flicker of something unreadable passing over his features.
Then he softens and steps closer, lowering his gaze so he can meet mine. “No. Sebastian, it’s not about that, trust me. And it’s certainly not about him being more important than you.” His voice grows firmer as if trying to assure me of something that'll never happen.
“This is purely about survival, at least for Alisander. It's about keeping you safe from those who would use this information against you.”
I swallow hard, internally trying to process the mixture of alpha command and protective tenderness in his tone.
My chest aches with conflicting emotions all at the same time.
I feel relief that my greatest fear of rejection is not coming to pass, I feel frustration at Alisander's silence and still a spark of jealousy I can’t quite douse in my mind. “Safe from… what?” I whisper to him.
How are they going to protect me if I don't even know what could threaten me?!
Ragnar’s expression hardens and his hands flex at his sides. “The challenge,” he says at last with a low tone.
“This challenge coming for you is a test. It's bigger than anything anyone's ever faced because this would be the first time packs are coming in such magnitude and are all competing.”
I blink as my heart starts hammering in a mix of fear and anticipation in my stomach. “I–what kind of challenge?”
Ragnar’s eyes darken as if he's annoyed at the anticipation in my tone.
So he steps closer and places a hand lightly on my shoulder to try and tamp down my anticipation.
“It’s not just any test, Sebastian. It’s a political battle from all the packs around us. It's going to be a series of games decided on the actual day to prevent cheating and I can’t shield you from it. At all”
I feel my chest tighten and I clutch the blanket tighter around me. “But… I don’t even know what to prepare for. How do I survive something I don’t understand?”
He kneels down, lowering himself so he’s eye-level with me and the Alpha presence fills the space completely. “You trust me, don’t you?” he asks quietly and I'm already nodding like a pecking chicken.
Alpha Ragnar could ask anything from me and I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I catch myself and nod slowly with my throat tight. “Yes.”
“Then trust that I will try as much as possible to guide you and will protect you,” he says.
His hand presses lightly to mine, almost like an anchor in the chaos of my mind.
“I’ll make sure you’re ready, but you also need to steel yourself and prepare. There's only so much I can interfere in without everything escalating into an inter pack brawl. This isn’t just a fight for you, it’s now a fight for all of us and for this pack. And you, Sebastian, are more important than you actually realize.”
I swallow again as the knot in my chest eases slightly and I nod. Though the jealousy still lingers at the edges of my mind, I shake it off.