Chapter 21 THE CHOICE I DIDN'T MAKE
Sebastian’s POV
The next day during my shift I stare at Alpha Ragnar like he has started speaking a language I don’t understand.
I mean yes I heard it when he proposed it yesterday but I ignored it or rather hoped it's all just weird ideas my brain tricked me to believe.
An arrangement.
The word echoes in my head ringing repeatedly until I don't know the meaning any longer.
“I–” I swallow, my tongue thick with dizziness “I don’t… what do you mean?”
He stands near his desk in a relaxed infuriating posture like he already knows how this would end.
His commanding presence feels the room and does something to me but I ignore it and shift subtly so he doesn't see it.
“You’re confused,” he says calmly.
“Yes,” I blurt out. “Very. Alpha, I don’t know what you’re implying. If I’ve somehow done something wrong–”
“You ask too many questions.”
Before I can finish my sentence, he closes the distance between us in two long strides and lifts his hand towards me as I brace for impact.
His palm covers my mouth.
The contact is warm and overwhelming.
My breath stutters uselessly against his hand.
My heart slams against my ribs hard enough to hurt me and I freeze again, every nerve lighting up in pleasure? Or fear?
“Quiet,” Ragnar says softly, not a command or the Alpha voice.
I nod without thinking with wide eyes, heat crawling at the back of my neck in this close proximity to him.
He watches me for a second longer, then lowers his hand slowly before taking a step back.
“You don’t understand this because you don’t see the whole picture,” he continues. “So I’ll explain.”
My hands curl into fists at my sides. I brace myself.
“You’re my mate.”
Oh what a shocker.
The words land differently this time. He’s said it before I almost half murmured to him but this time, he's saying it directly to my face like he wants me to challenge him.
I don't.
“Whether I want it,” he goes on, “whether you want it, the bond exists.”
I nod again in confusion. Where is he going with all of this?
“And because of that bond,” Ragnar says, voice steady, “your body doesn’t belong to just you alone.”
I frown faintly, confusion knotting in my chest.
“What does that–”
“So Bambi, when you feel desire,” he cuts in his gaze sharp, “so do I.”
The room suddenly feels a little too warm.
I swallow. “I–sorry what?”
“Every time,” he continues. “Every dream of yours, every stray and every horny thought of yours no matter the time, date it place. Even the morning reactions you don't choose.”
My ears ring.
My face burns so hot I’m certain steam must be rising off my skin.
Oh my Moon goddess.
“No,” I whisper. “That’s not–”
“As long as I try to deny or ignore the bond,” Ragnar continues, relentlessly now, “the certain feedback from you grows stronger and more… intrusive.”
I shake my head helplessly. “Alpha, I swear I didn’t mean to–”
“I know.”
The word stops me cold.
“I know,” he repeats. “That’s not the issue, well not your actual fault I guess.”
My breath comes uneven now. Memories flood me with a shiver–waking in the night, flushed and aching, dreams I can’t stop, thoughts I shouldn’t have, moments where my body betrays me even when my mind begs it not to.
And the realization crashes into me all at once.
“You… you felt all of it?” I ask faintly with hope
Ragnar’s jaw tightens. “Yes.”
“Oh,” I breathe, my hopes crushed.
“Even now Sebastian, when I try to berate you, I can feel from you that you somehow like this?”
The shame hits like a physical blow.
Moon goddess please take me from here!
“I’m sorry,” I rushed out, mortified beyond reason.
“I didn’t know, I swear! I stay alone and I didn’t have anyone to explain any of this, I didn’t even know omegas could–”
I trail off my throat tight and words collapse under the weight of humiliation.
“I didn’t know I was… causing you problems.”
Alpha Ragnar watches me carefully.
“That’s why we’re having this conversation,” he says.
I lift my head slowly.
“The arrangement,” he continues, “is a solution.”
“For… me?” I ask weakly.
“For the both of us ,” he corrects. “To the tension between us.”
He steps closer again, just enough that I can smell him. A sharp dizzying scent that makes my toes curl without permission.
“I believe if your desires are acknowledged instead of suppressed,” he says, “then the bond should stabilize a bit and ease off pressure for the both of us.”
Understanding creeps in slowly with a terrifying clarity.
“You’re saying…” I hesitate out of hope. “If we stop denying it–”
“Then it’ll stop bleeding into everything else,” Ragnar finishes. “I can function and think again.”
“And me?”
His gaze flickers to me, something unreadable passing through his eyes.
My chest tightens painfully at what he's insinuating.
“So this arrangement is…” I gesture vaguely between us, unable to say the words.
“Consensual and private.” He says.
The implication hangs heavy in the air.
I stare at the floor, my heart pounding so loud I’m sure he can hear it.
All this time. All those moments I thought I was alone.
“I didn’t mean to burden you,” I whisper.
“You didn’t,” Alpha Ragnar replies. “But we can’t pretend like it’s not happening.”
I nod shakily.
“And there will be rules,” he adds. “No attachment or claims between us. This doesn't change your duties or responsibilities in this pack.”
I lift my eyes to him.
“And if I don't agree?”
His lips curve slightly. “You already do.”
I let out a shaky breath and nod, words failing me entirely.
“Yes,” I say softly. “I agree.”
Something settles in Alpha Ragnar’s posture, subtle.
Like he's also holding out hope in this.
Which is ridiculous. This arrangement is only because my horny self was affecting him.
“Good,” he says.
Then Alpha Ragnar tilts his head, studying me. “What do you want to do today?”
The question hits me like a slap.
“Today?”
“Yes.”
My mind blanks.
I think of everything I’ve imagined about him. Everything I’ve never allowed myself to want out loud about him and panic floods me.
I can’t say any of it.
My hands tremble.
“I–” I swallow. “I don’t want to… rush.”
Ragnar raises a brow. “Then don’t. I also don't want to rush into anything with someone I barely know”
I inhale slowly, searching for something safe. Something that'll be considered small.
“Your hand,” I say finally. “I want to… hold your hand.”
He looks genuinely surprised.
“That’s all?” he asks.
I nod with my heart racing. “Yes.”
For a moment, he just stares at me as if he's deciding something.
Then he extends his hand.
His large and very scarred hands show years of training and experience.
I lift mine hesitantly towards him–
And then, something snaps inside me.
A violent surge tears through my chest looking and feeling hot.
My mind and vision hours with my instincts screaming at me.
No.
No, no, no–
I feel myself falling inward with my consciousness slipping.
This bastard–
ALISANDER’S POV
Enough.
I shove Sebastian down, surprising him and taking control before he can stop me.
His panic is loud and he tries to resist but I've caught him at a vulnerable and weak time so I push even harder.
The bond roars inside my ears.
The Alpha is standing right there, alone and offering himself to me.
Mine.
I don’t think, I don’t even hesitate.
I surge forward and bite down with a snarl.