Chapter 83 Chapter 83
Zane
There were still tears in her eyes and it disturbed the flow of her speech.
I knelt there in front of her, my hand still on her shoulder, completely out of my depth.
I had faced rogue attacks that could have destroyed everything I had built. I had made hard decisions that cost lives and harder ones that saved them.
But I had no idea what to do with a crying pregnant woman on the floor of her chambers.
“Tiana,” I said quietly. “You said you are sorry?”
“Yes.” She shook her head.
“Why?”
“Because everything is wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.”
My hand moved from her shoulder without conscious thought, settling gently on her stomach. In the place where our pup was growing.
She didn’t pull away. Just covered my hand with both of hers, holding it there like she needed the connection as much as I suddenly did.
“The healer said the pup is healthy,” I said, trying to understand.
“I know.”
“Then what?”
“That’s the problem.” She let out a shaky breath. “Everything is fine. Everything is going exactly as it should. And in seven months I’ll have a baby and in two years after that I’ll have to walk away like none of this mattered.”
The words made me flinch, but I did my best to stay put.
“You knew the terms,” I said, and immediately regretted it upon seeing her reaction.
“I did. I signed the contract. I agreed to all of it.” Her hands tightened over mine. “But that was before.”
She was crying harder now, the words tumbling out between sobs.
“I’m not supposed to be wanting back on an agreement. But I can’t—I don’t know how to carry a life inside me for nine months and not care. How to raise them for two years and then just… stop.”
My chest felt tight. Like something was constricting around my lungs and wouldn’t let go.
I sat there with my hand on her stomach, feeling the slight warmth of her skin through the fabric of her dress, and tried to find words that wouldn’t make this worse.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally. The words felt inadequate. “I wish there was something I could do.”
Even as I said it, I knew how it sounded. Because there was something I could do.
I could tell her to stay, renegotiate the contract. Remove the clause that forced her to leave. But I didn’t.
Doing that meant making myself vulnerable in exactly the ways I’d sworn never to be vulnerable again.
I said nothing. Just kept my hand on her stomach and offered empty apologies.
Her hands moved slowly, gently, lifting mine away from her stomach and I saw the distance she was trying to put without saying a word.
The loss of contact felt wrong, so I didn’t let her pull completely away. Instead, I caught her hands in mine, holding them carefully. Then I pressed her palm back against her stomach, covering it with my own hand again.
She looked up at me, pain written across her tear-stained face.
“Don’t push me away,” I said quietly.
“Why not?” Her voice cracked. “You’re going to push me away in two years anyway. Might as well start now.”
“Tiana—”
“It’s fine.” She was crying harder again. “I understand. The contract is the contract. I agreed to the terms. You would think I just want a place here to be Luna but I promise it’s really not about that. I fear I don’t mind going back to being a servant as long as I get to stay around this pup.
But don’t mind me, this is just me being emotional and stupid and—”
My brain was not functioning as it had been programmed to, when I moved to her. I closed the distance between us and pulled her against my chest, one arm wrapping around her shoulders while my other hand stayed pressed over hers on her stomach.
She went rigid for a moment.
Then she collapsed into me, her face buried against my shoulder while sobs shook her entire body.
I held her. Didn’t know what else to do. Just held her and let her cry and tried not to think about how right this felt.
I feared I didn’t want to let go.
My wolf stirred restlessly beneath my skin, sensing her distress and demanding I fix it. Demanding I do whatever it took to make her stop hurting.
Doing that meant making choices I wasn’t ready to make.
I just held her instead, ran my hand slowly up and down her back in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. Rested my chin on top of her head and breathed in the scent of her.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, because it was the only thing I could offer.
“Stop apologizing.” Her voice was muffled against my shoulder. “I don’t think it helps my case, and you’re not good at it anyway.”
I felt my mouth quirk slightly. “You are right, I don’t think I am.”
We sat there in silence for a while. Her crying gradually quieted into occasional hitches of breath. My hand continued its slow path up and down her back.
Through it all, my other hand stayed pressed over hers on her stomach. Connected to both of them. To my mate and my child.
Our child.
The thought came unbidden and refused to leave.
Not my heir. Not the pack’s future. Our child. The realization terrified me.
“Zane?” Tiana’s voice pulled me from my spiraling thoughts.
“Hm?”
“Your heart is racing.”
She was right. I could feel it thundering against my ribs where her head rested on my chest. Could feel the way my breathing had gone shallow despite my attempts to control it.
“Just…” I didn’t have an excuse. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
About how holding her felt like the most natural thing in the world and how I had built my entire life around not needing anyone and she was systematically destroying every wall I’d ever constructed.
“About the pup,” I lied. “About what they’ll be like.”
It wasn’t entirely a lie. I was thinking about the pup.
Whether I could raise them alone when they deserved both of us.
Tiana was quiet for a moment. Then she shifted slightly, pulling back just enough to look up at me.
Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Her face was blotchy. She looked exhausted and vulnerable and absolutely nothing like the composed Luna she tried to be in public.
“Do you think about them?” she asked quietly. “The pup. Do you wonder what they’ll be like?”
“Yes.” I shook my head from top to bottom. “All the time.”
“What do you think about?”
“I think about teaching them to shift.”