Chapter 17 Chapter 17
The ceiling above my bed had forty-seven cracks in the plaster.
I knew because I’d been staring at them for the past fifteen minutes, counting and recounting while my mind replayed the disaster in my chambers on an endless loop.
You saw him touch me and now you’re here in my bed, finally willing to—
I squeezed my eyes shut, but it didn’t help. The memory burned behind my eyelids anyway. Zane’s hands on my body. His mouth claiming mine with a desperation that had felt real.
And then I’d ruined it.
The worst part? I’d been right to ask. The timing had been too convenient.
My wolf whined softly in the back of my mind, confused and restless. She didn’t understand why our mate had left, why the bond was stretched taut with tension instead of satisfied and complete.
Neither did I, really.
I rolled onto my side, pulling the covers up to my chin even though the room wasn’t cold.
I tried closing my eyes but instead of sleeping, what filled my mind was the image of Zane even as I had only seen from the back view, rubbing his hand hard against his cock.
The up-and-down movement causing a rising tension between my thighs.
I pressed my eyes shut and my legs tight, attempting to compress the feeling.
But it only did the reverse, as it made desire and want rise to my belly.
Idiot, I thought viciously. Stupid, insecure idiot.
I sat up abruptly, unable to lie there one more second. My body ached—not from the treatments this time, but from tension. From a want that had been building and building with no release.
From the feeling of Zane’s hands on my skin, and then the cold absence when he’d pulled away.
I needed… something. Air. Space. A moment where I wasn’t Luna Tiana, contractual mate and breeding vessel.
I just wanted to be invisible again. To exist without the weight of expectations and bonds and complicated feelings I had no idea how to navigate.
My feet hit the floor before I’d fully decided to move. I grabbed the plain shawl from the back of my chair and then, almost as an afterthought, I opened the drawer of my nightstand.
My special brownie sat wrapped in cloth, right where I’d hidden it immediately I had gotten this room as mine.
It was one of the few coping mechanisms I’d developed during my years as a servant. Something to take the edge off when Geraldine’s cruelty became too much, or when I’d had to deliver yet another post-sex tray to Zane’s chambers and pretend my heart wasn’t breaking.
The pack’s dealer, a wolf named Mathias who operated out of the storage sheds had always been willing to trade. A few extra coins from tips I’d managed to save, and he’d slip me something to help me sleep. To help me forget, just for a little while.
I hadn’t touched them since becoming Luna. Hadn’t needed to, or hadn’t wanted to admit I needed to.
But tonight, with my skin still burning from Zane’s touch and my mind replaying my own stupid words on repeat, I needed something.
I unwrapped the special brownie and tucked it into my pocket, then made my way to the door as quietly as possible.
The hallway was empty. The guards posted outside Zane’s chambers didn’t even glance my way as I slipped past. They’d learned quickly that the Luna’s movements weren’t their concern unless the Alpha specifically ordered otherwise.
I made my way through the pack house, down the servants’ stairs I still knew by heart, and out into the cool night air.
The courtyard behind the training grounds was empty at this hour. Dark and quiet, with only the moon for company. I’d come here sometimes as a servant, when I needed to breathe without someone watching.
No one came here at night. It was just… space.
I settled onto one of the stone benches, wrapping the shawl tighter around my shoulders. The brownie felt heavy in my pocket.
Just one bite, I told myself. Just enough to take the edge off.
I pulled it out, the wrapped cloth falling away to reveal the dark, crumbly square. It smelled like chocolate and had an earthy scent underneath.
I took a bite.
The taste was sweet and rich, melting on my tongue. For a moment, nothing happened. Then warmth began spreading through my chest, slow and gentle. The tension in my shoulders eased. The anxious loop of thoughts in my head quieted to a manageable murmur.
I could breathe again.
I took another bite, then tucked the rest away. That would be enough. Just enough to sleep. Just enough to stop replaying tonight’s disaster and—
I heard footsteps
My heart leaped into my throat, panic spiking through the pleasant haze. I turned toward the sound, certain it would be Zane.
Certain he’d somehow known I’d left my chambers and come to drag me back or demand explanations for—
But it wasn’t Zane.
Kaius emerged from the shadows, his expression shifting from neutral to surprised when he spotted me.
“Tiana?” He approached slowly, like I might bolt. “What are you doing out here?”
My heart was still racing, but for a different reason now. “I couldn’t sleep.”
His gaze swept over me, taking in the plain shawl, my loose hair, the way I was probably trembling slightly. Those observant eyes that never seemed to miss anything.
“Neither could I,” he said finally. His voice was gentle. “Mind if I sit?”
I should have said no. Probably made some excuse and fled back to my chambers before this became complicated.
But I was tired. And the special brownie had mellowed my usual caution into something softer.
“Go ahead.”
He settled onto the bench beside me, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from him but not touching.
For a long moment, neither of us spoke.
Then Kaius noticed the shawl slipping from my shoulder and reached over, adjusting it carefully. His fingers brushed my collarbone—a touch that lasted maybe a second—before he pulled back.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
His eyes tracked to something at my feet. The cloth wrapping from the brownie, partially visible where I’d tried to shove it back in hiding.
His lips curved into a knowing smirk. “Those aren’t the healer-approved kind.”
Heat crept into my cheeks. Of course, he’d recognize what it was. “I needed… something.”
“No judgment.” He leaned back against the bench, his posture relaxed. “We all have our coping mechanisms.”
The acceptance in his voice made the strings in my chest loosen further.
“Why couldn’t you sleep?” I asked, partly to deflect and partly because I was genuinely curious.
“Just came from settling my mother in her chambers. She gets restless before long journeys.” His expression softened. “And I had some things on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“It’s personal.” His lips curved into a smirk.
Personal. So yeah, I should not push. But because apparently, I don’t know how to mind my business, I went on.
“Would you tell me what it is?”
“Well, maybe it’s not that personal.” He paused. “Zane assigned a project to me regarding a construction at the pack borders and I’m just wondering how to go about it.”
“Oh, I believe you would figure something out.”
“Mmm…” he replied, then turned his face away.
We sat in silence again, my brain teasing that I took another bite. I wanted the cause and effect that it produced, but considering how messed up my emotions already were, I did not think it wise to take another.
Exhaling, I shifted, trying to adjust the shawl, and it slipped again. This time, it fell far enough to expose my neck.
Zane’s mark on it.
But also—and I realized this with horror—the faint reddish bruise just below it. Where Zane’s mouth had been tonight. Where he’d kissed and sucked at my skin before everything had gone wrong.
A hickey. A fresh, obvious hickey that announced exactly what had almost happened in my chambers.
Kaius’s eyes found it immediately. His expression shifted briefly, before he schooled it into something more neutral.
“Looks like someone had an eventful night,” he said, his attempt at lightness not quite masking the edge underneath.
My face burned. “It wasn’t— Things didn’t go the way I thought.”
His jaw ticked. The casual posture tensed slightly. “Did he hurt you?”
“No.” The word came out too fast. “He… left.”
Kaius processed that, his eyes never leaving mine. Then he exhaled slowly, and I saw something that looked almost like anger flicker through his expression.
“He left,” Kaius repeated flatly.
“It’s complicated.”
“It always is with him.” The bitterness in his voice was unmistakable.
I didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know how to explain the push and pull between Zane and me without sounding pathetic. Without admitting how much I wanted someone who’d made it clear I was just a means to an end.
Kaius seemed to realize he’d said too much. He pulled back, physically and emotionally, his expression smoothing into a more neutral one.
“I came out here because I couldn’t sleep either. Oh, I have said that already,” he looked at me with a small smile.
“Do you want a distraction?”
I assumed he meant conversation. Company. The kind of comfort that came from not being alone with spiraling thoughts.
But then he stood and offered his hand.
“Come on. I was about to watch a movie in one of the private lounges. You’re welcome to join me.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I said slowly.
“Why not?” His expression was open, guileless. “It’s just a movie, Tiana. I’m not asking you to run away with me. Just… company. If you want it.”
The brownie had mellowed my judgment. The loneliness made the offer tempting. And underneath it all, some part of me wanted to prove that I could have something without it being about Zane.
“Okay,” I heard myself say.
His smile was immediate and genuine. “Good. Come on.”