Chapter 58
# Elowen's POV
I tried to catch my breath after our intense match, leaning against the net post. The tennis outfit clung to my sweaty skin, immediately triggering an uncomfortable sensation that had nothing to do with physical exertion. The feeling of dampness against my skin sent a wave of anxiety through me, memories flashing unbidden.
"I'm done," I announced, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand, fighting the urge to sprint straight to the shower. "You win, Casper."
Casper grinned, twirling his racket. "Told you I'd make you sweat, baby girl."
Before I could respond, I felt myself being lifted off the ground. Cassian had scooped me up in his arms, one arm under my knees, the other supporting my back.
"What are you doing?" I gasped, automatically wrapping my arms around his neck for stability, though part of me tensed at the sudden contact.
His blue eyes were gentle as he looked down at me. "Taking you home. You look tired."
My heart hammered against my ribs as he started walking toward the pack house, carrying me like I weighed nothing. Over his shoulder, I saw Casper drop his racket and jog after us.
"Hey!" Casper called out. "You can't have her all to yourself!"
Cassian didn't even turn around. "You're too smelly right now. Stay away from her."
I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips. Both of us were covered in sweat, but there was something about Cassian's natural scent—that cold rose fragrance—that seemed to cut through everything else. It surrounded me, oddly comforting despite my growing anxiety about my own state.
Casper caught up, stepping in front of us with narrowed eyes. He lifted his arm, took a sniff, and grimaced.
"Shit," he muttered. "Fine. I need a shower. But don't start anything fun without me."
"No promises," Cassian replied, but his eyes flicked to mine with a questioning look, sensing my discomfort.
As Casper stormed off toward the house ahead of us, I nestled closer to Cassian's chest, inhaling deeply. Despite the summer heat and our tennis match, his skin was relatively cool against mine, bringing sweet relief to my overheated body.
"You smell amazing," I murmured without thinking.
His chest rumbled with a low chuckle. "And you smell like you."
One of his hands adjusted slightly, his cool fingers brushing against my bare thigh below the tennis skirt. I flinched involuntarily, the sensation triggering a flash of memory—unwanted hands, rough touches.
Cassian immediately noticed, his hand stilling. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Too much?"
I swallowed hard, conflicted. Part of me—the part connected to Juno—craved his touch, while another part recoiled from the intimate contact, still raw from Drake's violation.
"I—I don't know," I admitted, hating the tremor in my voice. "I want your touch, but then I remember..."
"Shh," Cassian soothed, adjusting his hold so there was less direct skin contact. "We don't have to do anything. We can just be together."
Inside me, Juno whined in frustration. He wants you. You want him. Why are you fighting this?
Because I'm broken, I answered silently. Because I still feel Drake's hands on me even when it's Cassian touching me.
We passed several pack members who averted their eyes respectfully as Cassian carried me through the back entrance of the pack house and up the stairs. When we reached his bedroom—not Casper's this time—he kicked the door shut behind us and gently laid me down on his massive bed. The sheets smelled like him, that intoxicating cold rose scent with undertones of something darker, more primal.
"I should shower," I said immediately, already moving to get up, the feeling of sweat-dampened clothes making my skin crawl. "I'm all gross and—"
"Elowen." Cassian's voice was soft but firm as he sat beside me, careful not to crowd me. "You're not gross. But if you want to shower, that's okay too."
I hesitated, torn between the desperate need to wash away the sweat and the warmth in his eyes that made me want to stay.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," I whispered, tears springing to my eyes. "Before Drake, I wouldn't have thought twice about being sweaty around you. Now I feel... contaminated. All the time."
Cassian's expression softened with understanding. "Nothing's wrong with you. What he did to you—it leaves marks that aren't visible." He reached out slowly, telegraphing his movements, and when I didn't pull away, he gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I want you to know something. When I look at you, I don't see anything dirty or contaminated. I see you—Elowen. Strong, beautiful, brave Elowen."
A tear slipped down my cheek. "I don't feel strong or brave. I feel like I'm constantly fighting my own body and mind."
"That's what makes you brave," he countered. "Fighting even when it's hard. Especially then."
"I want to feel normal again," I admitted. "I want to be able to enjoy... being with you. With Casper. But every time I start to feel good, to feel desire, there's this voice that makes me feel ashamed or scared or..."
"There's no rush," Cassian assured me, his fingers lightly tracing patterns on the bed between us, not touching me but close enough that I could feel his warmth. "We have time, Elowen. All the time you need."
His patience made something inside me soften. I reached out tentatively and placed my hand over his. "Could we... try? Just a little? And if I need to stop—"
"We stop," he finished firmly. "No questions asked."
I nodded, heart racing with both anxiety and hope. "I think I'd like to shower first though."