Chapter 249
Cassian's POV
I rolled down the window with shaking hands, gasping for air like a drowning man breaking the surface. The cold rush of wind hit my face, but it did nothing to cool the burning beneath my skin. My chest heaved, each breath scraping against my ribs like broken glass.
Ten minutes. I'd been crying for ten fucking minutes.
My hands gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white. I couldn't stop. Couldn't catch my breath. The tears kept coming, hot and relentless, carving paths down my face that I was too exhausted to wipe away.
Pathetic. Zero's voice was quiet in my mind, but laced with disgust. An Alpha doesn't cry in his car like a rejected omega.
"Fuck off," I whispered, my voice cracking.
My phone buzzed somewhere in the car. I'd thrown it into the backseat after that last text from my father—the one that made me want to put my fist through the dashboard.
"I thought we were past this. I won't apologize again."
Past this? Past the fact that he'd made a deal with a demon and lied to Casper his entire life? Past the fact that he'd looked me in the eye and pretended everything was fine while my twin brother had a literal hellhound living inside him?
You let your emotions control you, I told myself bitterly. Sent him those angry texts like a petulant child instead of a future Alpha.
But God, I was so tired of being the responsible one. The one who kept it together while Casper fell apart.
I reached between the seats, my fingers searching until they found the smooth edge of my phone. The screen was cracked—I'd slammed it against something, though I couldn't remember when. The wallpaper glowed up at me: Elowen, laughing, her amber eyes bright with joy.
My throat closed up again.
I should change it. Sarah had already made a few passive-aggressive comments about it. "Still hung up on her, huh?" she'd purred last week, her fingers trailing down my chest in a way that made my skin crawl.
But I couldn't. This photo was all I had left. This frozen moment of happiness, before everything went to hell. Before I ruined everything.
Before we chose to ruin everything, Zero corrected darkly.
I opened my messages to my father. The thread was a mess of my rage and his cold, clipped responses. I started typing, deleted it, started again.
Finally: "Sorry. I'll handle it."
I hit send before I could second-guess myself.
The lie tasted bitter. I had no idea how to "handle" Casper. My twin was spiraling—drinking himself into oblivion at Moonrise Den every night, missing pack meetings, creating chaos wherever he went. And I was supposed to fix it? I could barely hold myself together.
He's a ticking time bomb, Zero growled. And you're the one who has to keep defusing him.
"I know," I muttered.
I looked down at my phone again. Elowen's face smiled up at me from the screen, frozen in that perfect moment. My finger traced the curve of her cheek through the glass.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to her image. "I'm so fucking sorry."
I pulled up Kade's contact. My thumb hovered over the call button. This was stupid. Reckless. He'd probably tell me to fuck off. Or worse, he'd tell me she was happy without me.
But I needed to know. Needed to hear something, anything, about her and our babies.
Those pups should have me with them, Zero whined, suddenly vulnerable. We should be there. Protecting. Providing.
"I know," I said again, my voice thick.
I hit the call button before I could talk myself out of it.
It rang once. Twice. Three times. Maybe he wouldn't—
"Yeah, this is Kade." His voice was hard, clipped. Zero of warmth, zero of welcome. Just cold suspicion.
My throat locked up. What the hell was I supposed to say?
"I..." I started, then stopped. Cleared my throat. Tried again. "Kade, I—"
"I don't have all day, you know that, right?" he cut in, impatient. "What do you want?"
He hates you, Zero supplied helpfully. They all do.
I scrambled for an excuse, anything that didn't sound like "I'm desperately lonely and I need to know if she still thinks about me."
"Ethan," I blurted out. "He wasn't at the Alpha meeting today. I was wondering if everything's okay. Since he's your uncle's son, I figured you might know if there were any... assignments or issues."
Smooth. Real smooth.
There was a pause on the other end. Then Kade laughed—a dark, humorless sound that made my stomach clench.
"That's why you're calling?" he asked, disbelief dripping from every word. "To ask about Ethan?"
He knows you're lying, Zero warned.
"I just—" I started, but Kade cut me off again.
"There's been a change," he said flatly. No elaboration. No context. Just those four words, delivered like a death sentence.
My heart kicked against my ribs. "What kind of change?"
Silence. Long enough that I checked to make sure the call hadn't dropped.
"Kade? What kind of change? Are you cutting us off? Is that what this is? Are you all against us now?"
Shut up, Zero hissed. You sound desperate.
But I couldn't stop. Every fear I'd been suppressing for six months came pouring out. "This is about Elowen, isn't it? About what happened? Look, I know we fucked up, but—"
"You're not being cut off," Kade repeated, his voice tight with restraint.
He hadn't said my name. Not once during this entire conversation. Which meant she was definitely close enough to hear. Close enough that he was being careful not to give away who he was talking to.
My ears perked up—actually perked up, Zero pushing forward enough that I could hear the background noise on his end of the call more clearly. The faint rustle of fabric. A soft intake of breath that definitely wasn't Kade.
Her, Zero whimpered. That's her. I know her breathing. I know her scent through the phone line.