Chapter 109
Casper's POV
I was on my knees on the cold elevator floor. Tears blurred my vision. Dad's body was in Cassian's arms, just steps away. What had I just said? Mom hated me?
Yes. She hated me.
I wiped my face with shaking hands and stood up. My knees were weak, but I forced myself steady. I couldn't do this anymore. Couldn't cry like a kid.
"Casper?" Cassian's voice was soft.
I didn't answer. I stared at us in the elevator mirror—two broken men. Cassian held Dad, blood covering his face. My shirt was torn, scratches all over my arms.
We looked like soldiers back from war.
No. We looked like murderers.
"That man wasn't just our father," I said, voice hoarse. "He was her mate! He's gone… maybe died in his son's hands!"
Cassian's eyes widened. "Casper, that's not your—"
"Don't!" I roared. "Don't fucking tell me it's not my fault!"
I stared at Cassian in the mirror. He held Dad's body, face pale. Dad's head rested on his shoulder, like he was sleeping. But his arms hung loose, lifeless.
My stomach twisted.
I wanted to contact Elowen. I needed her voice. Her warmth. But could I? Did I deserve it?
"Casper?"
Elowen's voice suddenly filled my head. Warm. Soft.
My knees almost gave out again.
"I love you!" Her voice was firm. "This isn't your fault, Casper. Stop blaming yourself!"
I closed my eyes. Tears came again.
"How is it not my fault?" I whispered.
"Because you didn't mean it," Elowen said. "Drake drugged the champagne. You know that. It's his fault. Not yours."
"But Leo—"
"Leo protected me," she cut in. "Drake wanted to hurt me. Leo stopped him."
I shook my head. "Leo lost control. Leo killed—"
"Shut up!" Elowen's voice turned sharp. "Don't say those words! Listen, Casper, I'm female... which means I'm never wrong! Snap out of it, baby!"
I couldn't help but laugh. Just a little, but I laughed.
"Are you joking?" I asked.
"I'm not joking," she said, voice smiling. "I'm serious. Females are always right. That's the rule."
"What bullshit rule—"
"Don't argue with me," she said. "I'll be back with you soon. We'll fix this mess together. Okay?"
I took a deep breath. "Where are you?"
"I'm... handling something," she said. Her voice suddenly tensed.
"What thing?" I asked. I could feel her emotion through the bond—anger. Not at me. At someone else.
"I just want to help Cindy," she said. "She can't lose her mate too!"
Cindy. Ethan.
Damn. I forgot about them. I was only thinking about Dad. About Mom. About everything I fucked up.
I turned to the mirror. Cassian still held Dad. Dad's face looked peaceful.
I'd just been talking to Elowen. Laughing.
How could I laugh? My father was dead!
Guilt stabbed into my chest like a knife.
"You shouldn't be doing this!" I told Elowen, voice cold.
"What?" She sounded shocked.
I cut the connection.
"Casper?" Cassian stared at me. "Who were you talking to?"
I didn't answer. I stared at the mirror. At Dad's body.
Then I turned and slammed my fist into the elevator's steel wall.
The metal dented. The mirror cracked. Pieces fell like crystal rain, clinking.
My hand bled. But I didn't care.
"Feel better?" Cassian asked. He held Dad tighter.
"Not at all!" I roared.
The elevator doors opened.
Cassian walked out, heading down the hall. Toward the his room.
Wait, no. That was Mom and Dad's suite. Dad's clothes were there. Cassian's clothes were too small. Dad couldn't wear them.
I should follow. Should help.
But my feet wouldn't move.
I stared at Cassian's back. He held Dad carefully, each step slow.
I should help him.
But Mom would be there. She'd look at me. See the blood on me. Remember what Leo did.
I couldn't go in.
Cassian stopped. He turned to look at me.
"Casper?" His voice broke. From tension and pain.
I raised my hand and waved. Then turned and walked the opposite direction.
"Where are you going, Casper?" Cassian shouted.
I stopped but didn't turn around.
"Mom doesn't want me there!" I said. "Trust me!"
"Casper—"
"Take care of him!" I cut him off. Then I turned the corner and disappeared.
I stopped at the top of the stairs.
Looking down at the quiet pack house. Everything was too quiet.
Where should I go?
Back to Elowen? No. She was busy. Helping Cindy.
Back to my own room? No. I didn't want to be alone.
"I fucking need you, Casper!" Cassian's voice exploded in my head.
I closed my eyes.
"I can't, Cassian!" I answered through the link. "I just need quiet!"
"Then where are you going?"
"I... I don't know."
I cut the connection.
Then I thought of Elowen's room.
Her scent would be there. Her warmth.
Maybe that could calm Leo down. Calm me down.
I turned and walked toward her room.
Each step felt heavy.
My hand still bled. Mirror shards had cut the skin.
But I didn't care.
I just wanted to smell her.
Just wanted to pretend, even for one second, that everything was okay.
I reached her door.
Pushed it open.
Walked in.
Her room was dark. But I could smell her—vanilla and honey.
I closed the door and leaned against it.
Slid to the floor.
Then I cried.