Chapter 102 Screw it

Chapter 102 Screw it
Talia POV 

Marcus is breathing hard and running his hand through his hair.

He looks like he can't quite believe what he just did either.

"He was going to kiss you," Marcus says as if that explains everything.

"So what?!" I yell. "So what if he was going to kiss me? We're not together, Marcus! You don't get to show up and assault random men just because you're jealous!" I snap, my anger bubbling violently inside me.

"I'm not jealous…" he starts to protest but I don't give him the chance.

"You literally just punched a guy in the face for trying to kiss me!" I interrupt. "That's the definition of jealous!"

"He shouldn't have been touching you," Marcus insists.

"He asked for permission!" I shout. "Which is more than you ever did in our entire relationship or whatever the hell we were calling it!"

Marcus flinches like I've hit him.

"Talia…"

"No," I cut him off. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to ignore me for weeks, refuse to fight for me when I ended things, and then show up out of nowhere acting like you have some claim on me."

"I do have a claim on you," Marcus says desperately.

"Based on what?" I demand. "Six months of casual sex? Six months of you making it very clear I didn't matter beyond being convenient?" I ask, not bothering to be mindful with my words. At this point, I don't even care whether others are listening. I don't give a fuck!

"That's not…"

"Then what is it, Marcus?" I ask, and I can feel tears starting to form. "Because you had your chance. You had months to tell me I mattered, months to make me feel like I was more than just someone warming your bed, and you didn't. So you don't get to show up now and act like some jealous boyfriend."

"I love you," Marcus blurts out.

The words hang in the air between us.

I stare at him, certain that I have misheard.

"What?" I ask, just to make sure I am dreaming.

"I love you," Marcus repeats, and his voice cracks. "I'm in love with you, Talia. I have been for months.

Seeing him about to kiss you, seeing you with someone else…I couldn't. I just couldn't."

My heart is pounding so hard I can barely breathe.

These are the words I've wanted to hear for months.

The words I cried over, ached for and even dreamed about.

Now that he's finally saying them, all I feel is anger.

"You love me," I repeat flatly.

"Yes," Marcus says, stepping toward me.

"You love me, but you let me walk away," I say. "You love me, but you couldn't tell me when it mattered. You love me, but for six months you treated me like I was nothing more than a convenient fuck." I point out.

"I was scared," Marcus says.

"We're all scared!" I shout. "Do you think I wasn't scared? Do you think falling in love with you was easy for me? I was terrified every single day that you'd realize I wanted more and end things. But I stayed anyway because I hoped.” I ran my hand through my hair, frustration eating me alive.

“I stupidly hoped that you might feel the same way." By the time I am finishing the statement,my voice is barely a whisper.

"I did," Marcus insists. "I do feel the same,Talia."

"Then why didn't you say something?" I demand, and now the tears are falling freely. "Why didn't you fight for me when I told you we should end things? Why did you just let me go?"

Marcus runs both hands through his hair, looking lost.

"I thought that's what you wanted," he says.

“ Talia, I've spent two years keeping people at arm's length and convincing myself I was better off alone. When you said we should end things, I thought maybe you'd realized what I already knew…that I'm not good enough for you."

"That's bullshit," I say.

"It's not…" he begins to protest.

"Yes, it is," I interrupt. "You know what would have made you good enough for me, Marcus?” I ask and he shakes his head.

“ Honesty and being willing to try. But instead, you hid behind your fear and your past and your rules.

By doing that, you made me feel like I was asking for too much by wanting to be more than your secret."

"You weren't asking for too much," Marcus says desperately. "You were asking for exactly what you deserved. I just didn't know how to give it to you."

"And now you suddenly know how?" I challenge.

"No," Marcus admits. "I still don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be in a real relationship or how to be the man you deserve. But I want to learn. I want to try. If you'll let me."

I stare at him, this man who has broken my heart more times than I can count.

Now, he is standing in front of me with tears in his eyes and desperation in his voice.

"Why now, Marcus? Why are you telling me all this now instead of weeks ago when it would have mattered?" I ask and my voice breaks.

"Because I'm an idiot," Marcus says. "Because I thought I could just move on and forget about you.

Instead, I have been miserable every single day. Because I went to the bakery looking for you and Bailey told me I didn't deserve you, and she was right.” Marcus declares.

Of course she was right, I want to scream that to him but I hold back.

“ I have realised that I I haven't proven anything to you except that I'm scared and selfish."

"You are scared and selfish," I agree, and Marcus flinches again.

"I know," he says. "But I want to be better. For you. With you. If you'll give me another chance."

"Another chance to do what?" I ask. "To break my heart again? To make me feel like I'm not enough?"

"Another chance to show you that you're everything," Marcus says, and he takes another step closer.

“ Give me another chance to prove that I can be the man you deserve. That I can take you on real dates and introduce you to my friends and tell everyone that you're mine. That I can be honest because losing you is more terrifying."

I want to believe him.

God, I want to believe him so badly.

But I've been hurt too many times, disappointed too many times, to just accept his words at face value.

"I don't know if I can do this again," I whisper. "I don't know if I can trust you not to hurt me."

"I can't promise I won't hurt you," Marcus says honestly. "I'm going to mess up. I'm going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing or let my fear get in the way. But I can promise that I'll try. That I'll fight. That I won't let you walk away without telling you how I feel ever again."

We stand there in the park and I feel like I'm standing at a crossroads.

I can walk away right now. Protect my heart. 

I can move on and find someone like Austin…someone safe, someone easy, someone who won't make me feel like I'm constantly fighting for scraps of affection.

Or I can take a chance. Give Marcus the opportunity to prove himself and risk getting hurt again for the possibility of something real.

"What the hell is your problem?" I ask again, quieter this time.

"My problem is that I fell in love with you and I was too much of a coward to admit it," he says simply. "My problem is that I let the best thing that ever happened to me walk away because I was scared. My problem is that I'm standing here begging you for another chance when I don't deserve one."

"You don't," I agree.

"I know," Marcus says. "But I'm asking anyway. Please, Talia. Let me prove that I can be better. Let me take you on a real date. Let me show you that I'm serious about this, about us."

"One date," I hear myself say, and I'm not sure if it's my heart or my stupidity talking.

“If you screw this up, if you make me feel like I'm not enough even once, I'm done.” I inform him.

Marcus agrees immediately. "I won't screw it up."

"You better not," I say. "Because Marcus? This is your last chance. I'm not doing this dance with you anymore. Either you're all in, or you're out."

"I'm all in," Marcus says.

The conviction in his voice almost makes me believe him.

"Then prove it," I say.

With that, I turn and walk away, leaving Marcus standing alone in the park.