Damn!
Why do I feel like crap?
I stretch my stiff muscles as I snuggle closer to the duvet. My mind feels like numb. Wait? I am here? In the house?
I turn around, rummaging for Jerol with my hand, but the space is empty. I urge my eyes to open, and they substantiate the nothingness my hand felt. He is not here. I jerk myself up.
Well, he did an applaudable job in carrying me over here and changing me into my pyjamas. I didn't even know he would bring me home. I anticipated waking up curled up in his arms at the hospital where I fell asleep. He thought it wise to bring us home which is fantastic, but where did he go this early morning? To work? What the heck is the time?
It looks still looks so gloomy from the rain last night, I guess. I didn't even hear a drop of it. Yesterday was just a day on its own. Too much of everything in just a single day. I am not surprised that I slept like a deadbeat.
Reaching for my phone, I check the time, and I sigh after learning that it's only eight in the morning. I thought I slept for the better part of the morning, but it seems like I am still an early bird.
I dial Mother's number, realizing that I left her hanging last night. How mannerless of me! I hope I did not worry her.
"Hello, Tessa?" She greets calmly.
"Morning, Mother!" I greet her back, noting that she does not sound worried at all.
"Good morning. Are you okay? And Jerol, is he okay? He sounded so down last night." She says.
Last night?
"He spoke to you last night?" I implore.
"Yes. He called to let me know that he was taking you home. He did not say anything else. But I sensed his weak tone. Is everything okay?" She queries, her mother's care gushing over her. Of course, she is expected to be worried about her son.
"I did not get to talk to him because I fell asleep almost immediately he found me wandering around the hospital. But he was fine. He perhaps feels bad about what he did to his brother. But, don't worry. I will to talk to him. He will be fine." I assure her without even knowing where my husband is. I hope he didn't go looking for Grego to finish him off.
He got drunk for the first time and I don't even know if that is a good sign. I hope it was just a one-time thing for all that I hold dearest to.
"Okay, my dear. Let me know if there is anything. And, speaking of Grego, his pregnant impossible girl is throwing tantrums. She won't agree to come with me home." She says, now sounding pissed.
"Huh? Why? What does she want?" I ask.
"She wants Grego to pick her up otherwise she will go straight to her father's house and cut them with us. I can't allow that, Tessa. I need my grandchild with me." She says.
That witch is really something else! Is that blackmail now? Wasn't she so defiant about going to her father's house while single and pregnant? What happened to, "I can't tarnish mine and my father's image"? Wasn't she insistent on raising her child in a complete family? What's with her cheap threats now? She is just an annoying drama queen!
Then again, this Grego needs to man up and be responsible. He needs to take care of his wife or baby mama or whatever they are and stop being a brat! He is giving his mother a hard time.
"Tessa? Are you there?"
"Uumh, yes, mother. I am here. Uumh, have you talked to Grego?" I inquire, tapping my feet on the cold floor.
Seems like I will always be in motion until this is all over.
"I tried, but he says he is in bad shape. That he can't pick her up today. The problem is that even with that Ellie is adamant about not getting from that bed without Grego. She also does not want to speak to him so that they reason together." She explains.
This is just too much. Both Ellie and that Grego are too much! She is too stubborn, and him, does he have fractured bones that he can't make it to the hospital to pick up his stupid pregnant woman? It's not like he will even walk all the way there, right? He is just making up excuses like the impossible irresponsible asshole that he is, in my honest opinion.
"Okay, Mother. I will have breakfast and go see Grego." I say to her.
"Well, Tessa, I don't think that is a good idea anymore." She says, worries evident in her tone.
"Why?" I ask, appalled.
"You see, my husband is here right now. So Grego is the only one at home. It's risky." She says.
She does not believe me when I say I can handle that brat, and I do not blame her because I don't trust myself too. But I am not backing down. I am so tired of this.
"Don't worry about it, mother. Nothing will happen. It will just be a quick civil talk." I say, the same thing that Jerol said yesterday but everything turned out against his own words. All went South! But I hope mine bears good fruits.
"I still feel uneasy about it. And I can't ask you to bring Jerol with you because that will complicate things more. Why don't we just let it go, Tessa? I will find a way to convince Ellie to just come home with me. The rest, we leave them to God." She says.
Huh, God? We haven't even tried yet we are leaving it to God?
"It will be impossible to change Ellie's mind, mother. Just let me do this. Nothing will go wrong. Trust me." I beseech.
"Well, alright. I will instruct the guards to stay close by. Tell me when you are on the way there, okay?" She asks, still unsure if she is doing the right thing to let me do this. I can sense it through her voice.
"Sure, Mother. I will." I respond.
"Okay. Take care." She says.
"I will. Pass my regards to Father." I say as I prepare to hang up.
"I sure will."
With that, I hang up and stroll to the bathroom.
This really needs to end. We need peace. At least that idiotic bitch decided to choose the right path even though so late. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her for the things she did to Jerol, but at least, she has agreed to change. I hope she is not pulling our legs.
Gracia and Grego are the main obstacles now. Gracia is the pending case that I don't even know how to go about, but Grego, that brat will get it from me.
Getting out of the bathroom, I snap to the slight banging on the door, and I stroll towards it.
"Good morning, ma'am!" Terry greets, looking a bit worried.
"What is it?" I snap, getting a bad sense all of a sudden. She is never a nuisance. If she looks this way it means there is something.
God, nothing more, please! Yesterday was enough. I can't deal with anything more today. And this early morning? No!
"What is it, Terry?" I implore once again as she scratches the back of her neck.
"I don't know if I should be meddling ma'am, but don't you... Don't you know where sir Jerol is?" She asks, and I half shake my head in response. "At the gym, ma'am. I was cleaning up and I saw him there." She explains, shocking me.
The gym?
Why is he returning to his old habits? He promised never to go back to that cursed evil room and he hasn't been there ever since he recouped. And today he is there? God, what the heck is happening? Why are things happening this way?
"Thank you, Terry. I will check on him." I say as I start up the stairs, anger boiling in me.
Why is he acting this way? Yesterday he almost killed someone. Went ahead and got himself drunk after. And today, he visited this evil gym? Is there anything else I need to do for him? I'm here for him. He should be turning right to me and not these things. Has he...
I didn't even know I had pushed the gym door open. I just realized it right now when I push myself inside, and he snaps at me a short distance ahead.
He is perched on a stool, resting his back on the wall. My eyes catch something on the floor, and they plop there. A bottle of John Walker whiskey rests on the floor, a glass or two down. I drag my eyes to him again.
Again?! It was not just last night alone?
He doesn't seem like he was contemplating harming himself or doing any sort of the things he used to do in this room a few months ago. He is cool, except for that same new look I saw in him last night. He seems like he just needed to think, but right here? Why here? And, is alcohol his new companion and solace now?
I stroll towards him, and stand in front of him.
He can't be seriously turning alcoholic! I hate alcohol. I detest it. I can't stand drunkards. I lived with one the whole of my life and believe me, God knows how I loathe this thing.
"This is the last." He speaks, because my mouth was running dry with words for him, but thanks to him for speaking, now I think I have a few things for him.
I love him with the whole of my heart. I can embrace all his flaws but this, alcohol, is an exception I can't make for him or anyone. Not this one!
"Why are you doing this? Am I, not enough solace that you have to result into this?" I implore, and he shuts his eyes. "Look at me, Jerol!" I yell, and he peels his eyes in a snap, looking anywhere but my face.
He can't look at me still? Why? I thought alcohol was meant to give him the courage to face me? What now? Why can't he even point his face straight at me?
"You know what? Don't even look at me with that disgusting look of alcohol on! Don't look for me until you stop leaking of that shit! Don't even show your face to me until you sober up!" I howl and turn to leave, but I am pulled back in a snap.
I wasn't even able to do a thing. I slam into his chest, his strong arms possessing me.
"No, Tessa! Don't leave! Please don't go!" He whispers, searching my eyes. "I am done. I won't..."
"Let go!" I cut him off.
"I am sorry, love. Sorry! It won't happen again. I promise. Forgive me." He pleads, but, I think I have shown him too much of my soft side.
"But you disgust me right now, Jerol! Your scent, your look, everything disgusts me! So let me go before I slap this crap out of you!" I fume between gritted teeth.
That slapped him hard!
He peels his hands off me slowly, giving me a miserable pleading look that is charming enough to bring me to my knees and apologize for his own mistake. Before I fall for its charm, I think it wise to leave.
"Tessa, please!" He calls, but gladly he keeps his hands to himself. I don't even turn. "I am sorry!" He howls behind me, but I keep focused on my tracks until I make my way out.
I slam the door behind me and lean on it, listening to my wobbling body for a second. It stings to speak to him that way. It hurts to walk out on him, but I need him to understand that this is not the way to go about things. Alcohol doesn't solve anything. It's not an option or remedy for anything.
I know none of what is happening is easy for him at all, but he should turn to me. Not alcohol, and not violence. Just me! I am enough for him, and I am here for him every time he needs me. Things are hard? We will solve them together. He his bearing too much? Let him pour everything on me. Only me!
I compose myself, summon the little courage I have left after disrespecting my husband, and I leave from here before my emotions and the love I feel for him betray me and make me go back on my words.