As usual, as nature has it, and as it has also been inscribed in the archaic books of history, time flies like wind when you are having the hang of life. Time is always against us during happy times.
It's on a breezy twilight of Thursday, and I am on the balcony, savoring the raw aura and watching as darkness dominate the light. It's surging in with a screaming lull that tickles with dread, reminding me that the party is set for tomorrow night.
Tomorrow!
It's not so much about the party that baffles me! No. The day itself is the dilemma. Tomorrow marks the exact last, or is it our presumed, last day of the five months of the contract. The period is over. We are supposed to part ways tomorrow.
Tomorrow?!
Can you believe it?
Because I can't!
No matter how I try to come to terms,
I just can't bring myself to embrace the facts,
That this actually is the end for us.
How can I?
It was just yesterday we got bound and now today we are breaking the bond? The bond that has turned to be so sweet and intense that it broke all odds?
Every single nerve in me is chastising this end! Every ounce of me doesn't want this ending. My heart doesn't want any form of ending for us. But then, I don't have a say. I have to wait and see what Jerol has planned. I need to trust him.
I foddle with the glass of my mango juice which has become my favourite in my one month of pregnancy. It was affirmed by the doctor. I am one month down. I sneaked out between the week and chose to validate my fears because I felt like that it was fabricating things. My fears came to pass. I was proved wrong beyond a doubt. The kit spoke nothing but the truth, and Terry's misgivings were ascertained to be right too. I haven't even had the bravery to tell her that she was right and that I was stupid to overlook the signs and be in denial, and I also made sure I destroyed the kit and flashed it in the bathroom to hide the evidence.
I heve furthermore done a meritorious job at concealing the truth from Jerol however how much it maims me. Sometimes I can't even look at him right in the eye for the fear that he will see through my eyes, and also from the pain of lying to him. He doesn't deserve this, but I need to do this all the same, at least until tomorrow.
This juice doesn't taste like my favorite flavour today. It's awfully tasteless, that is why it's only just a sip down, but at least it's keeping my fingers busy from fidgeting.
Yet again, tomorrow, a time like this, I will be perched among the circle of Jerol's affluent and reputable prominent family, friends, and business partners. Even employees, and the media in addition, because at the last minute, as late as this morning itself, Jerol decided to turn the titular intimate dinner into something as massive as this. Why that is, he said it's for me. For me. Yes, for me. And he forbade me from imploring further questions.
A kiss was enough to shut me up. He knows very well how to work his magic on me. I had to let go, and trust him.
But what transpires tomorrow? What is his plan? These questions haven't left my mind since the night he talked about this dinner. What does fate have for us? What is our fate? What becomes of us after tomorrow?
I quake from the awe of his embrace as he swaddles his arms around me from the back. The glass of juice slips from my hands, denoting how engrossed I thought I was. It shatters on the floor while I turn into ice in his embrace, the juice gushing over my feet.
"Are you okay?" He queries.
I guess I lost the meaning of that word a long time ago and I can't even tell when exactly. Even what is really okay doesn't seem okay with me anymore. Like this feeling. Like being in his embrace like. Feeling his warm breath warm my face like this. These are sweet gestures and feelings, but the thought that today might be the last time I feel his warmth like this makes everything wrong. It is not okay to even think that way. I should trust him, and I do, but, I just can't break down these anxieties and uncertainties I am feeling.
I spin around in his arms, facing him.
I slightly nod my head. Lying to him is becoming like a norm for me these days. I hate it. It hurts me. But what can I do?
He pulls me to the far end of the balcony where there is no juice on the floor, and he pulls out his handkerchief, bending his knees to my feet.
"What are you doing?" I implore, holding him back, but he doesn't let me.
"Let me." He says, taking my left leg and drying the juice with his handkerchief.
"You are embarrassing yourself, Jerol! What if someone sees you?" I throw tantrums, because this site of him like this is embarrassing on my part, honestly.
"Since when has it been an embarrassment to care for my wife, huh?" He queries, finishing with my next second and helping me wear my saddles back gently.
He tosses his handkerchief back in his pocket, but he doesn't get up. He isn't showing any signs of getting up. Now this is making me feel bad.
"Jerol..."
"You took care of me when I had lost my sanity. You bathed me. Clothed me. Fed me. Soothed me to sleep. You took care of me like you would your own baby, Tessa. You never felt embraced about doing all those things, so why would I feel embarrassed by doing only just this nothing. I would even kiss your feet in public, Tessa, and still feel like it's nothing. You deserve heaven, but too bad, I can't even give you the world."
Ahem!
What is he saying? Why is he saying all this? And why just tonight?
"Uumh, hubby? Enough with the teasing now. That's enough. Thank you for making me feel like I mean the entire world to you but you know what..."
"You are my world, Tessa!" He cuts me off, taking my hands into his. I snap my eyes at him, our eyes dancing with each other under the corridor lanterns. "I am nothing without. I love you so much. I need you in my life."
The stars and the moon are witnesses of my rapture. The heaven can hear the echoes of my heart from down here. I am at a loss for words, but I still battle to mumble something.
"So, you don't..." I whimper, my voice abandoning me in the middle, or is it the words that flew out of my mind, leaving my mouth agape. Or better still, it could be the thrill of his confessions and my assumptions taking a toll on me.
"I don't want to let you go. I can't let you go. Stay, Tessa, please! Let's build a life together. It doesn't matter whether we will have a baby of our own or not. You are enough for me. You love me just the way I am, right?" He implores.
I am a hodgepodge of a lot of sentiments - elation, contentment, awe, bewilderment, incredulity, and what else? I am about to explode! I don't know the phrase to this assortments, but this is what even the heaven can attest to.
"Yes. I love you with the whole of me, Jerol. I didn't intend to fall in love with you but it happened, and I don't regret it. I don't want to part ways with you. I want you beside me forever, until we both grow wrinkles and grey hair. I love you, Jerol." I confess, and he plants a long kiss on the back of my hands.
At this point, a tear drops from my eye! A tear of bliss. A tear of joy! It's true what they say - that everything is made right at the right moment. I can now face his family and friends tomorrow with a clear notion of my exact place in his life. May the heavens right this moment and make it last until eternity.
This is what I want - Him. He is all I want. I am complete with him.
"I promise to make you happy for the rest of my life, Tessa McCall, my beautiful priceless wife." As if driven by magic, he brings his face and buries it into my belly while I massage his head, twitching at his gesture, especially when kisses it. His blood must be calling for him from my belly. Ooh, Jerol! Should I break the news to you and make this night super phenomenal?
"Jerol. There is something..."
"I know!" He whispers to my belly, arousing the sleeping butterflies.
Freaking shit! He knows? How did he...
I pull his face from my belly, jerking it to me in a stern stare. He doesn't look mad. He looks, vulnerable. So cool.
"Now that I am on my knees, love, can I ask you for a favor, please?" He speaks.
I swallow hard, almost choking on the air.
"S...ure! What is it?" I whimper.
"We will work on that shit of paper tomorrow after the dinner. We will burn it up, or tear it into the tiniest pieces and blow them with the wind, or whatever you will see as best fit." He shifts in his knees, pressing my hand to his jaws with his as he adds. "But until then, that paper doesn't exist, okay? Forget about it. We are now bound together by something beautiful and strong. We are bound by love."
And much much more - a child, the very first fruit of our love, Jerol! The sign of this beautiful love.
I breath out my tensions! So it was that, huh? And here I almost gave myself a superfluous heart attack thinking that he knows about my secret. Sigh!
Tomorrow, then!?
I know he has a surprise for me that is why he is keeping the major details of the dinner party a secret. So, how about I blow his mind and take him to cloud nine with the news of my pregnancy tomorrow? That will be fun, right? That way I will also have a surprise for him! I can't wait to see his face.
"I love your smile, baby, trust me, it's charming, but I need an answer, and I want it to come from your mouth in a believable voice. Tell me you won't think about..."
"I promise, love, I won't! I will only think of you, and what we feel for each other. This sweet love that binds us." I affirm, and he closes his eyes.
I lean my face down, and plant an assuring kiss on his lips that turned into a long one. Pulling away, he remains facing up, searching the heaven with his glowing bottomless orbs.
"May it be certified in heaven that I this night vow to never let any harm befall you, Tessa. I will give you my all. Everything within my power and beyond, and I will never let anything tear us apart. That is my solemn vow!" He then draws his sweet gaze to me, taking away my breath.
Such a deep vow!
What am I supposed to say?
Hang on first, well, there shouldn't be any fucking thing to come between us or I will wreck it into pieces and feed them to the devil! This gem is now mine! Forever! Until eternity! Let this be known to the world!
I didn't know I was crying until I felt his fingers scouring my tears away.
"You don't have to say anything, my love." He gets up with my aid, kissing my tears away, as I clench onto his shirt.
"I need to say something." I smirk, slightly, and he smirks back too.
"Alright. What do you want to say?" He queries, his grin outshining the lights.
I compose myself.
"That, no matter what, I will always be here - for you, and for us. I will never let you go, and I will never get tired of loving you, Jerol." I know that doesn't sound anywhere close to his deep vow, but I tried, right? And I mean every single word!
"Even if I go crazy again?" He teases.
"I will still never give up on you, but I pray that you remain this way." I respond, and under the moon, the beautiful stars, and under the beautiful heaven, we seal our vows with a beautiful kiss.
Hello, tomorrow? Are you ready for this? We are gonna shake up the world with the news! Yay! I can't wait!