CHP.28-Recovering

I remained kneeling on the floor. My eyes zoned in on the two bodies laid down before me. Two mates.

Two mates that were separated in life, but joined by death. The irony of the situation made it all the more daunting. I softly stroked the side of Lilly's face. My breathing became jarred an uneven as the wave of sadness inside me grew into a tsunami. Any loss of life in these times was saddening. But the loss of someone whom I considered a friend... the tears rolled softly down my cheeks.

The mate bond worked to soothe my aching heart, wrapping itself around me like a comforting blanket. But through it I also felt anger and sorrow. Zeke's anger and Zeke's sorrow. I looked up to gaze upon him. His chest rising and falling rapidly as he worked to reign in his emotions.

His light blue eyes moving between each wolf that surrounded us. Both his own pack wolves and the wolves that had fought on Titus' behalf. None of them dared to make a sound. They could sense his tottering emotions and knew that any act could send him over the edge. I watched him carefully, watched as his eyes settled on something in the distance. His face hardening from the sight of it. I turned my head to find what he was looking at, failing to see what had created his change in emotion.

He inhaled a deep breath before releasing a large powerful growl. The enormity of it seemed to shake the trees as birds flocked in the distance. The sound radiated pure dominance and power. It was a threat he personally issued to any wolf who could hear it. Submit to him. Or face a challenge.

I stayed on the ground. Watching as each wolf fell onto their knees, necks exposed. I could feel his strained pride flow through the bond. As I tried to grasp the enormity of this event. These were the two largest packs on our continent. He knew he know held control over both the Northern and Southern territories. A massive feat he would now have to manage.

His large hand delicately nudged my shoulder, causing my focus to shift on him. He gently wiped my cheeks with the pads of his thumb before softly grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. I stood beside him, looking down at all the wolves still knelt before him. Before us.

His move had declared me his equal. Placed me on the same step as him.

"We will clean up the bodies together. Those that are injured may go to the main house for treatment. We will build pyres for the dead to light this afternoon. Until I have spoken to my council, you are all to remain on my territory." Zeke's voice echoed around the clearing. His instructions clear and non-negotiable. We began to walk out of the clearing. The wolves beginning to rise and move around. Readily listening to his instructions.

I gazed back one last time, looking at the pair of mates laying down beside one another. Zeke's hand tugged mine, pulling me forward and away from my friend and his brother. We walked through the forest together in silence, the woods seemingly empty and hollow. I could slowly see Zeke's house sitting on the horizon. With Doctor Scet out front, directing wolves dressed in white who were arranging stretchers and what looked like medical supplies. All the wolves halted their movements and bowed their heads at our approaching figures. I skidded to a halt as I found Willow and Avery bounding down the stairs towards us, Serenity walking slightly behind them. Avery was slightly ahead of Willow as she came to a halt just before me. Her eyes drifting between the two of us in confusion.

"Where's Lilly?" She whispered gently, her eyebrows furrowed. I swallowed the lump in my throat as tears began to fill my eyes again. She in took a sharp breath before taking a step backwards, away from us.

"Where is she?" I shook my head at her, not able to say the words out loud. She fell to her knees, struggling to take in deep breaths as Willow came forward to kneel beside her. I released Zeke's hand to move toward the crouched sisters. Raising my hand to grab Avery's, but she cringed away from my touch. The sting of her movement had me pulling my hand back in.

"She said you would keep us safe. She said the new Luna would look after us." Avery breathed out the words through her tears. I closed my eyes to hold back my own. They were right, I promised to keep them safe. And because I was so driven by that promise I pushed Titus away, causing him to attack the pack. To attack his brother's pack. And now Lilly's corpse lay in the middle of a clearing because of that attack. Zeke's hand rested on my shoulder, pulling me to my feet.

I shrugged his hand off, not wanting comfort I didn't deserve. Serenity stood a few meters away her eyes watching the scene before us. She looked at Zeke,

"Diesel?" Zeke nodded at her and she breathed a visible sigh of relief. I also felt relief flow through my body, that was everyone. Nearly.

"Where's Dion?" I scanned the crowd around us, looking for his light blonde hair. A sudden feeling of regret and sadness resonated in my stomach. But it wasn't mine. I immediately looked toward Zeke. His eyes were cast into the distance, as he seemed to refuse to meet my gaze.

"Gone." He whispered the words gently, but they seemed to cause an immediate silence. And once again I could feel tears pour over my cheeks. My heart aching at the idea of his death. I began walking toward the house, no longer wanting to be surrounded by so many people. I wanted to mourn in silence before the ceremony tomorrow.

I stumbled into my bedroom, barely registering how I had gotten there before walking into the bathroom. Turning on the shower and sinking to the floor beneath the luke-warm stream, not bothering to first remove my clothing. I hugged my knees to myself, allowing my tears to be washed with the water as I let myself feel. Feel the sadness, despair and lastly the lingering guilt. If I hadn't been so forceful and aggressive toward Titus perhaps he would've calmed down and been able to work things out with Lilly.

And Dion. Dion's death came from the attack. I felt guilt towards his death as well. I heard the closing of the bathroom door, before a large body sat beside mine. I lifted my head to look at Zeke who sat beside me. Also still fully clothed. He looked at me before sighing and holding his head in his hands. I laid my head on his shoulder, well the outer side of it as he was too tall to fully lay my head down.

"I can feel your guilt you know, you shouldn't have any." Zeke lifted his head to look at me.

"I-"

"I'm serious. It wasn't in anyway your fault. Titus made his own decisions. He was- misunderstood. His past shaped him. Never knowing his father, his mother dying when he was young. Then he was neglected by his family, fuck he was loathed by my father. I should've done more, made more of a fucking effort when we were kids." Zeke rubbed his face before staring up toward the ceiling.

"I should've done more." His voice cracked on the last words, as for the first time I had known him, he began to cry. A shoulder shaking, breath-raking cry. I moved my body to straddle him, pulling him into my chest as I held my mate. Offering him comfort as he broke down. I couldn't stop my eyes from watering, sharing in the burden of his pain. We both blamed ourselves.

"It wasn't your fault Zeke. You were a child, being raised by an emotionless man, with the focus of becoming an Alpha." I started but was quickly interrupted,

"Don't. Don't try make me feel better. I was old enough to know what was happening. To know I was neglecting him." I pulled back, grabbing him by the face before staring heavily into his eyes.

"No, you listen to me and you listen good. You did what was expected of an Alpha. To focus on how to be a good leader. You trained to be a good Alpha and you are a great one. You defended this pack, you protected the females and the pups. You're a good man Zeke."

"At what cost? The life of my brother? I set him up for failure the second I pushed him away to focus on myself."

"You were a kid!"

"I was an Alpha, even at that age I was smart enough to know I was dooming him!" He raised his voice as his frustrations broke through.

"What would your Dad have done if you omitted your training for him?" He breathed out before responding,

"He would've killed him for being a distraction."

"See, even then you were protecting him."

"I was delaying the inevitable apparently." I sighed, resting my cheek against the top of his head. He pulled my body closer, wrapping his arms more tightly around my waist, pulling me closer toward him. Relishing in the comfort of both the mate bond and my body surrounding him.

***

We spent the remainder of the day helping organise things, I helped Doctor Scet and treated minor wounds from some of the injured wolves. Each of Titus' wolves stared at me while I treated them. I felt like I was an extinct species that had recently been brought back to life, like a dinosaur.

The atmosphere of the territory was sombre, wolves barely speaking to one another as each pyre was built one by one in the clearing they had died. With each body laid upon them I felt myself grow more and more miserable. All these once living wolves now dead, all this loss of life, and for what? Both Titus and Lilly lay among them.

We had managed to arrange things as best we could before the sun began setting. The sky becoming a fiery red as if to represent the blood spilled earlier. It seemed fitting. The two packs meshed in with one another as we lined up before the pyres, ready to say our goodbyes.

Avery and Willow stood beside me, but they had yet to acknowledge me with words. Both their eyes swollen and red as they tightly gripped each others hand. Serenity stood beside Diesel, wrapped into his side as she gazed upon the dead. A person stood beside each pyre with a lit torch, waiting for Zeke's permission to light them.

Zeke's face was emotionless, he was back into his role of Alpha. He had to remain strong for his pack. He nodded once. And the pyres went up in flames. A flood of warmth hitting our group as I watched my friends, pack member and even enemy's be swallowed by the heat. Willow released a whimper, as if she had just registered it was really happening. But the rest of the group remained silent. Not a single member speaking, even as the hours went on and slowly the flames died out.

I remained beside Zeke as wolves moved to go inside. He stood stoically, un-moving until him and I were the last wolves left. And that's when he released his tears. Only a few trickled down his cheeks silently. I reached up to wipe them away, offering him the same comforts he had offered me only a few hours prior, but it felt like an eternity away.

"Come my love, let's go to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow." I whispered the words before gently pressing my lips to his cheek. He nodded at me, his eyes not moving from the ashes laid before him. He looked up to the stars, before gently whispering,

"I'm sorry Mum."