Chapter 18

I brace my knees, preparing for the impact that usually happens when shifting, but Erik and I touch down, hand-in-hand, as if we’ve only descended from the bottom step of a bus. What I assume is Mónatos gleams before us—a huge, opulent building that looks like a hotel for high rollers. To the right is a lake-sized swimming pool, glistening and clear in the bright sunshine. On the left are volleyball and tennis courts.

It’s nothing like the broken-down warehouse exterior of Keleusma.

A rock of ice forms in my stomach.

Michael. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I lock a breath deep inside my chest and hold it for a minute then let it out very slowly through barely parted lips. No matter how many times I tell myself Michael never cared, that he’s not my friend, my heart doesn’t believe any of it. How could I leave him there in the fog screaming my name?

Because I had to.

Michael lied. Constantly. The Elders kept secrets. Nicholas doesn’t care.

A pain shoots up into my temples. Unclench your jaw, Gabby.

Is it such a terrible thing to want to survive without being controlled?

I fist my hands and fall into step beside Erik. We head down an even bricked walking path. From the corner of my eye, I notice he’s watching me. “Don’t you have to try to make it unappealing so you don’t draw in Norms?”

“The Norms can’t see it.” A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Really, why have power if you’re not going to do the most you can with it?” He crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head. “Do you like our home?”

Though the structure is beautiful, there’s a chance that the Mónatos architect was a bit wasted when he drew up plans. The bottom half looks like a modern craftsman home with large, wide pillars, a wrapping porch, and stones pressed into the front; the immense wings jutting out of the side of the main section are like sleek, glass hotels; and the top half is all pointy castle. My gaze traces over each of the turrets. Sixteen.

Orange Shasta daisies—my favorite flower—line the broad path leading to the double, front doors. Outside the mowed lawn, thick woods hem in Mónatos on every side. Featherlike wind rustles through the leaves, carrying the smell of the outdoors—dirt, plants, growth—undisturbed by anything manmade.

“I like it,” I finally admit.

“Then shall we go inside?” He offers his arm.

While Erik is my only hope, and I don’t want to offend him, we’re not at the physical contact level of friendship yet. Holding hands to travel is one thing. But strolling into Mónatos for the first time on his arm doesn’t feel right. He’s basically king here.

I fan my hand out as if I’m a concert usher. “Lead the way.”

His eyes narrow for a split second, but then he dips his chin and starts down the path. “There are many people eager to meet you.”

“Just take me to my mom.”

“All in good time, Gabriella.” He talks around a barely suppressed smile. The sunlight makes his mussed, blond hair almost too bright to look at. “All in good time.”

“Do I … do I have to become a Shade first?”

I was really hoping to put that part off for as long as possible. Or forever. Like a dentist appointment.

Erik stops. Using his thumb and pointer finger, he strokes back and forth along his jawline. His brows rise. “Tell me, do you even want to become a Shade?”

No. Choose words carefully. “I don’t want to be controlled by the whims of a piece of jewelry any longer.” I lift my arm and glare at my shifting bracelet. Is it my imagination or has the black mark on the inside grown? As if I can remove the blemish, I brush my thumb over it.

Erik makes a tsk tsk sound. “Oh, dear. That’s not what I asked at all.”

My shoulder muscles tense. Here it comes. He’s going to kick me out. Reject me. Just like the Shifters did.

In an effort to refocus and to infuse myself with courage, I clamp my eyes shut. I can do this. My mom did. I’ll be fine. I just have to see her—talk to her first. Maybe we can even hatch a plan to leave—escape the world of Shades and Shifters and never look back. A girl can dream.

Erik barks out a laugh. “This isn’t a gameshow, kid. There’s no wrong answer.”

I peek at him. “Isn’t there?”

He throws back his head and lets out a booming laugh. “Not the one you think.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t want you to become a Shade.” He leans right into my space, his nose inches from mine, and whispers, “Actually, I forbid it.”

“But you said—”

“I said I’d free you, not that I’d turn you into anything.” He sets his hands on my shoulders. “Did you hear me at all that first time we talked?” A gleam lights his electric blue eyes. “You’re valuable, as is. We won’t change a thing.”

But unless I become a Shade, I will … Ants of dread march their way down my spine. “What if I shift and—”

“Shh. Trust me. There’s nothing to fear any longer.” His calm voice makes my eyelids feel heavy. Seriously, he should look into the audiobooks idea. “You won’t shift now. Not as long as you stay here, under my protection.”

I nod. But inwardly, I’m happy dancing. I don’t have to become a Shade. How—? No. Asking questions will make me look stupid. For some unknown reason, Erik believes in me. Let’s put off disappointing him until later.

Placing his hand on the small of my back, he escorts me up the steps. “It really is cruel to keep them all waiting.” He flings open the front door and shoves me inside.

I skid forward onto a steep landing, my arms spinning. Below in a cavernous room, hundreds of Shades have gathered. For what purpose?

A set up. Has to be. Why else would they be waiting in mass?

My fingers latch around the banister to hide the tremor that goes through my body. If they attack me, I can’t fight them off. Not that many. And I have nowhere to run.

When Erik takes his place beside me, his arm brushes mine. As if I gulped down too much ice water after a hard run, a rush of coldness sweeps through me again. He raises his hands, and the murmuring crowd silences. “Friends, I have such wonderful news to share. Gabriella Creed has finally decided to join us. What do you say to that?”

The crowd breaks into applause, cheering so raucously I want to cover my ears. A chant starts—my name—then grows louder and louder. They’re all smiling. My grip on the banister eases. Way to completely overreact. I blame Michael. He’s given me trust issues. No. Those stem back much further than his betrayal. He simply reinforced them.

Forget the Shifters.

Is my mother among those gathered? Heart pounding in the back of my throat, I scan the crowd. Whenever I’ve seen a Shade during time travel, they appear to have wax-like, melting faces. But here … here they are normal. Better than normal. While the Shifters are very diverse in looks and height, the Shades all appear to be airbrushed models. What makes them change forms so drastically when they leave Mónatos?

I fix on one person—a young man. His frown and crossed arms make him stick out. Well, that and he’s the one who helped me shepherd Michael through the Portal. Our eyes meet, and I tilt my head, letting him know I recognize him. He puts one finger to his lips and ever so slightly shakes his head.

Erik presses near to me. “I know you’re not one for pageantry, but they would not be dissuaded.”

“They’re happy I’m here? I don’t understand.” The first time I entered Keleusma flashes through my mind: Shifters pulling away from me, murmuring behind my back, and the pin-drop silence.

Still close, his lips brush my ear as he whispers, “None more so than I.”

“Why me?” Okay, maybe that’s a dumb question. Maybe every single new person is treated this way.

“Don’t you know?” He cocks his head and offers a gentle smile. “You’re special.” He tucks my hair back behind my ear, and his fingers trace down the soft skin of my neck before he removes them. “You’ll see.” He steps in front of me and sends all the Shades on their way. As the crowd thins, he starts down the stairs. “Tour first?”

I grab onto the railing again. “How about you answer a question?”

“Like?” He traces his pointer finger over the groove on the railing.

“Why are you tearing down Portals? Why are the Shades feeding off of the Shifters’ despair? Isn’t there another way for your people to survive? Why—”

“So many questions.”

“Yes.” I ease my death grip on the railing but raise my eyebrows, challenging him. “But will you answer them?”

“Why concern yourself with what we do to the Shifters?” He crosses his arms and leans his hip against the railing. “You left them.”

“I still care about them. I didn’t leave because I hate them.”

“Then tell me, Gabriella.” He moves up the steps until he’s standing on the one right below me. “Why did you leave Nick’s overzealous band of heroes?”

“You have my mother.”

“Ah. Yes. Well. For starters, your mother is here by choice.”

“Is she?”

“Has been for eighteen years. You can ask her yourself. I have nothing to hide.”

“Then take me to her.”

He looks into my eyes for a moment, and the corners of his mouth lift. “I’m glad family’s so important to you.” He squeezes my hand quickly and then drops it. “Follow me. She’s in the center of the complex so we’re going to pass by many places on the way there. So, half tour?” He flashes a boyish grin. “Sorry, I’m just thrilled to show you my home—your home.”

White marble covers the floor in the great room, reflecting the intricately painted ceiling. Erik leads me down a high-ceilinged hallway that is decorated to look like an outdoor walking path. Storefronts offering diamond-encrusted watches, clothes in every color, and opulent furniture line one side of the wide hall. On the other is a bar, an ice cream parlor complete with a life-sized fake cow, and an alfresco restaurant. Spicy hints of exotic food hang in the air, causing my mouth to water. It’s been a few days since I’ve enjoyed a decent meal. I hug my stomach.

Shades gather in each place, laughing and mingling together. Down the way is a marquee with an arrow that lists names of movies. We’re almost to the end of the hall when a loud crash—metal against marble—makes me jump. I grab for my heart, laughing, as I meet Erik’s raised eyebrows. More than likely, someone accidently turned over a chair at the restaurant we passed.

“Gabby!” Michael.

I spin around. Ice water shudders through my veins.

No. Why is he here? How did he get here? The gold in the Elder band on his wrist catches light. So Donovan knows already. I should have known better. Should have realized Michael would follow me. Ridiculous hero complex.

At the end of the hall, he strains against three Shades who are trying to haul him back. He drags them forward and jerks his arm, sending one of the Shades to the floor. I’m glued in place, but Michael’s not hindered by that—he just keeps making his way down the hallway—closing the gap between us.

Erik mutters, “I knew I should have cloaked the place.” And then he strolls past me as if having a Shifter screaming in the middle of Mónatos is an everyday occurrence. When he’s a few feet away from Michael, Erik flicks his wrist. “Have a seat.” A chair skitters across the floor and slams into the back of Michael’s knees, causing him to buckle. With another flick of his wrist, Erik makes thick ropes appear around Michael’s torso, his legs, his arms.

Erik has magic. Erik has magic. Erik has magic.

Red climbs up Michael’s neck as he struggles.

Do something.

I find my voice. “Don’t hurt him!”

Erik faces me and rolls his eyes. “He’s fine.”

Michael’s gaze snaps to mine, and my heart pounds like a kick drum. Despite the fact that gawkers have congregated and Erik stands between us—for the space of a moment—there’s only him and me. He stops fighting his bindings.

Michael licks his lips. “Don’t do this. Come back.”

I wring my hands but take a few steps forward. “I have no reason to.”

“I lied, Gabby. I lied.” Emotion chokes his voice. “I love you.”

My throat spasms. I swallow one, two, three times, but nothing stops the tremor going through my body. Michael loves me? No. He followed orders. Probably is now too, right?

His nostrils flare. “I love you. Come back with me.”

After a loud, almost theatrical sigh, Erik saunters toward me. “He’s always used you. He’s always been Donovan’s lapdog.” Then he swivels to face Michael. “Isn’t that right, Mikey?”

“Don’t listen to him.” Michael grinds the words out through clenched teeth.

Erik’s right in the sense that I can’t trust Michael’s words or actions. But that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t real, doesn’t mean I would stand by and watch him get hurt … or worse. Let’s face it, I don’t know Erik well and can’t trust him either. Best case scenario is if Erik allows Michael to leave—unharmed. But to make that happen, I’ll have to lie to Michael. Make him believe I don’t care. That it means nothing to me that he followed.

Because if I’m not convincing, he’ll keep trying.

I storm after Erik. “He goes by Michael. And you should probably let him go before he figures out where Mónatos is.”

So, yeah, I realize the error of my statement after it’s said. Of course, he already knows where Mónatos is in order to be here. Cut me some slack. Clearly my best thinking does not happen during emotionally charged situations.

Erik quirks an eyebrow at me—a silent really? But then he barks a laugh and stalks toward Michael. “You haven’t told her, have you?” He grins. “That’s rich. Care if I share our little secret?”

Michael’s gaze darts to mine. “Gabby, I can ex—”

Erik flicks his wrist, and a gag silences Michael. “See, Mikey and I go way back. This isn’t his first time in Mónatos, now is it? Oh, right. You can’t talk.” He pivots to face me.

Not his first time here. But then—? Despite myself, I gasp. Michael’s done this before. Rescued a Shifter from switching sides. Probably another one of his trainees.

Did he tell her he loved her too?

My stomach turns.

He’ll do anything—even toy with my emotions—for the sake of a mission. I should have known better. Stupid heart. Stupid hopes. Never again.

Erik’s body forms a physical barrier between me and Michael. I can’t see the man I once called my best friend. Perhaps that’s for the best because tears have started to slide down my cheeks.

“What do I care if a Shifter knows where Mónatos is?” Erik lays his hand over his heart. “I don’t keep them out. And the last time I checked, I have a steady stream of them joining me—not the other way around.” As he nears, his voice drops to an intimate level. “Forget what they told you about me and my aims. I have no desire to find Keleusma. Believe me.”

I squeeze my hands together. “Please. Please just let him go.”

“Only after you look him in the eye and tell him you don’t ever wish to see his face again. And mean it. Can you do that, Gabriella—for me?”

No. Not for Erik. But I’ll have to for my mother. For my dad.

Muffled sounds come from behind Erik. Michael’s trying to talk through the gag. Scratch that. He’s yelling. Still attempting to get through to me.

Erik leaves me suddenly and goes back to stand in front of Michael. He crosses his arms and walks a close circle around him. A lion stalking prey. “Aww. Poor Michael Pace. You’re tragic, really. Always in the way. Or at least I think that’s what your father would say. Rest the dear man’s soul.” He bows his head for the space of a heartbeat.

“What else? Ah, yes. Hated by his mother, and so unlucky in love. Let’s see.” He holds up two fingers. “Killed one girl and lost the other.” Erik dramatically taps his chin. “Although, one would actually have to have something in order to lose it. Now wouldn’t they?” He squats down to Michael’s eye level. “And you never had her—not really—did you? Am I missing anything?”

No one deserves to have the worst parts of their life slapped in their face.

Not even a liar like Michael.

Unable to listen to Erik belittle him any longer, I charge forward. “Enough. Leave him alone.”

“Gabriella, don’t you see?” Erik turns pleading eyes on me. “I freed you. Pace had you brainwashed. Risking your neck and wasting time on things that’ll only leave you empty in the end. Look at him.” He thrusts his hand to indicate Michael. “Alone. Nothing to live for. Is that what you want? Because I can snap my fingers and send you right back.”

He wraps an arm around my shoulders and directs me away from Michael. “That is … if you want to end up apart from your mother forever. Your father dying because of what you’re involved in. All your friends sacrificed upon the agenda that is Nicholas. I’ll let you return with Pace if that’s what you truly want.” He traces a finger down my arm. “Just answer me, why? Why go back when I can return to you all that you’ve lost?”

Do I want to go back? No. Not when people like Lark die for nothing. Not when friends are really spies. Besides, Erik has offered me my perfect out—I can meet my mom, he’ll protect me from shifting, and I don’t have to become a Shade. How can I pass that up?

I fist my hands and press them on either side of my head. “I want to stay.”

“Then tell him. Tell him, and then I’ll get rid of him.”

“Rid?” I challenge Erik. “You can’t hurt him. I won’t let you.”

“You think—? No, of course not. I’m simply going to toss him out of here and then conceal Mónatos so they can’t find us for a while.”

“Okay.”

“You’re ready?”

“I’ll do it.”

Erik flicks his wrist, and Michael’s gag vanishes.

“He’s the king of manipulation. Don’t believe him. I know the Shifters haven’t always been forthright with information but—”

“Forthright? Are you kidding me?” A blaze shoots through me. I can do this.

“Forget everything.” Michael’s eyes go soft. “Imagine there’s only you and me. We can do that. If that’s what you want. I’ll do whatever you want. I promise. I don’t want to lose you.”

Unable to get enough air, my lungs squeeze tight. Gray borders my vision. I have to end this. Now. Quickly.

I take a deep breath and release the greatest lie of my life. “I don’t want you. Everything Erik said is true. The Shifters are misguided, and you’re the worst one. I want nothing to do with you ever again. Hear that? Leave me alone.” Don’t come back. Please don’t come back. It’s too hard to see you. My throat burns. “I never want to see you again.”

Michael’s face breaks. There’s no other word for it. My stomach twists as fear crawls into the back of my mind. I can’t take back those words. Ever. Their damage has been inflicted. It’s like I’ve shattered a priceless vase that will never be put back together.