Chapter 194
Sophia
I checked my phone for what must have been the hundredth time that morning, swiping past the lock screen to see if I'd somehow missed a notification. Nothing. No missed calls, no text messages, no emails. Blake hadn't contacted me in twenty-four fucking hours, and my stomach was twisted into a pretzel of anxiety.
"Mommy, can I have more cereal?" Lily asked, her spoon clanking against the empty bowl.
I forced a smile, tucking my phone into my back pocket. "Of course, sweetie." I poured more cereal into her bowl, trying to ignore the anxiety that was practically choking me. "Are you excited for school today?"
Lily nodded enthusiastically, milk dribbling down her chin. I wiped it away with a napkin, grateful for the distraction. Twenty-four hours without contact wasn't normal for Blake, especially after what happened the other night when he'd said Amanda's name in his sleep. My brain was spinning with worst-case scenarios. What if he was having second thoughts about our wedding? What if he'd decided he couldn't marry me after all?
Oh God, what if he's realized I'm not good enough?
I shook my head, trying to dislodge the thought. There had to be a logical explanation. Maybe he was swamped with meetings about the company restructuring. Maybe his phone died and he forgot his charger. Maybe...
Maybe he's finally come to his senses and realized he doesn't want damaged goods like me.
"Mommy, you're squeezing the cereal box too hard," Lily pointed out.
I looked down to see I'd crushed the cardboard in my grip. "Oops," I laughed, but it sounded hollow even to my own ears. My hands were actually shaking. Get it together, Sophia. "Let's get you ready for school, okay? And then I'm going to visit your brother at the hospital."
As I helped Lily brush her teeth and put on her shoes, I made a decision. I would go about my day as planned—drop Lily at preschool, visit Jasper at the hospital, then head to the office for a few hours. I couldn't sit around waiting for Blake to call like some desperate teenager. I'd been that pathetic woman before, and I'd be damned if I'd be her again.
---
The hospital corridors were quiet as I made my way to the NICU. I'd grown used to the antiseptic smell, the soft beeping of monitors, the hushed voices of medical staff. What I wasn't prepared for was the nurse's casual comment as I signed in.
"You just missed Mr. Sterling," she said, checking my ID badge. "He left about an hour ago."
My heart dropped like a stone. "Oh, I see." So Blake had time to visit Jasper but not to call or text me? What the actual fuck? I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying not to let my hurt show. "How's Jasper doing today?"
"He's doing great," the nurse—The nurse, according to her name tag—said with a genuine smile. "His oxygen levels are much more stable, and he's taking the formula better than yesterday."
I followed her to the incubator where our tiny miracle lay, my emotions ping-ponging between worry for Jasper and anger at Blake. Jasper looked so small, so fragile, with tubes and wires connected to his little body. But he was getting stronger every day.
"Would you like to hold him while I prepare his bottle?" The nurse asked.
I nodded, carefully lifting Jasper from the incubator. His body was warm against my chest, and as I settled into the rocking chair, he opened his eyes—those stunning blue eyes that were identical to Blake's. Something inside me melted instantly.
"Hi, sweet boy," I whispered, running my finger along his cheek. "I'm so proud of how strong you're getting."
Jasper's tiny hand wrapped around my finger, and I felt tears spring to my eyes. Despite everything—the complicated circumstances of his birth, Amanda's death, the fact that he wasn't biologically mine—I loved this little boy with a fierceness that scared me sometimes.
"Your daddy and I can't wait to bring you home," I continued softly. "Your sister is so excited to meet you. We're going to be a real family, I promise."
Even if your daddy is being a complete asshole right now, I added silently.
The nurse returned with the bottle, and I cradled Jasper while feeding him. "He's really responding well to the new formula," she said, adjusting one of the monitors. "Dr. Robinson thinks he might be able to go home sooner than we initially thought."
"That's wonderful news," I said, meaning it despite the knot of anxiety still twisting in my stomach. "I can't wait to tell Blake."
If he ever bothers to call me back, I thought bitterly, then immediately felt guilty. Whatever was going on with Blake, I knew he loved Jasper. He'd been here this morning, after all.
As Jasper drifted off to sleep in my arms, I made him one more promise: "We're going to work everything out, little one. I won't let anything tear our family apart. Not even your stubborn-ass father."
---
When the elevator doors opened to our apartment that evening, I was greeted by the sound of children's laughter. Following the noise to the living room, I stopped in the doorway, momentarily stunned.
Blake was on the floor with Lily, surrounded by her stuffed animals. They were in the middle of what appeared to be a tea party, with Blake holding a tiny pink teacup between his thumb and forefinger, his large frame comically hunched over the miniature table.
"Mommy!" Lily shouted, jumping up and running toward me. I caught her in my arms, lifting her up for a hug.
"Hey, sweetie! Looks like you're having fun with Daddy."
Over Lily's shoulder, I looked at Blake. He was getting to his feet now, brushing invisible dust from his pants. When his eyes met mine, I felt a chill run down my spine. His expression wasn't angry or upset—it was blank, distant. Something was definitely wrong, and my stomach clenched with dread.
"Hi," I said cautiously.
"Hey," he replied, his voice as neutral as his face. "How was your day?"
Are you kidding me right now? "Fine," I answered, setting Lily down while trying to control the urge to scream at him. "I went to see Jasper. The nurse said you were there this morning."
Blake nodded. "Yeah, I was there early."
I waited for him to say more—to explain why he hadn't called or texted, to acknowledge that he'd been unreachable for a day—but he just stood there, arms crossed over his chest like some emotionless robot.
"Jasper opened his eyes and looked at me today," I said, trying to break through whatever wall he'd put up. "The nurse says he's responding better to the new formula."
"I know," Blake said flatly. "Dr. Robinson told me."
My jaw clenched so hard I thought my teeth might crack. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to the hospital?"
He shrugged. "I thought you might want some space."
Space? What the hell was he talking about? Before I could ask, Elizabeth appeared from the kitchen.
"Dinner's ready," she announced, then seemed to sense the tension in the room. "Lily, come help me set the table, sweetheart."
As Lily skipped off with Elizabeth, I took a step toward Blake. "What's going on?" I asked quietly, fighting to keep my voice level. "Why haven't you been answering my calls or texts?"
Blake's eyes flicked away from mine. "We'll talk after dinner," he said, then walked past me toward the dining room.
Well, fuck you too, I thought, feeling hurt morph into anger. But I plastered on a smile and followed him, determined not to make a scene in front of Lily.