Chapter 192
Blake
I held my son against my bare chest, his tiny body weighing practically nothing as he rested on me. The nurses called it skin-to-skin contact, but to me, it felt like holding my entire goddamn universe compressed into five pounds of fragile humanity.
Jasper's miniature hand splayed across my chest, each fingernail no bigger than a pinhead. My heart hammered against his palm, and I wondered if he could feel it—this thundering, terrified love that threatened to crack my ribs open.
"I love you so much," I whispered, my voice catching. "We love you so much."
My throat tightened as memories of Amanda flashed through my mind like jagged lightning. She would never hold him like this, never see him grow. Whatever had happened between us—all the manipulation, the lies, the fucked-up games we played—none of that mattered now. She'd given her life to bring our son into the world.
I looked up to see Sophia watching us from the chair beside the incubator. Her eyes were filled with such tenderness it made my chest ache. How the hell did I get so lucky? Despite everything—despite Jasper not being hers biologically—she'd been here every step of the way, loving him as fiercely as if she'd carried him herself.
Sophia now was and would forever be his mother in every way that mattered.
The thought hit me with absolute clarity. With my son's heartbeat fluttering against my skin and Sophia's steady presence beside me, I felt something I'd rarely experienced in my life: complete certainty.
"The nurse says his temperature has been stable for thirty minutes," Sophia said softly, moving closer. "That's really good for a preemie."
I nodded, trying to swallow the lump of fear lodged in my throat. My palms started sweating, and I was terrified I might drop him. "They want to try the bottle again?"
"Yes," she confirmed, placing her hand gently on my shoulder. "Don't worry too much. If it doesn't work today, we'll try again tomorrow."
My anxiety spiked, sending electric jolts through my chest. "But what if he chokes again? Last time he turned so blue—" I couldn't even finish the sentence.
"Blake," Sophia said firmly, grounding me with just my name. Her eyes locked onto mine, steady as hell while my world tilted. "He's doing so much better. He's getting stronger every day."
Her confidence steadied me like an anchor in a storm. "How are you always so sure?" My fingers trembled slightly against Jasper's back.
"I'm not," she admitted with a small smile that didn't quite hide her own fear. "But he's tougher than we think. Look how far he's come already."
The nurse, approached with a small bottle. "Ready to try feeding time?" she asked cheerfully.
"I don't know," I confessed, feeling completely inadequate. My stomach twisted into knots. What kind of father am I if I can't even feed my own son without panicking? "What if—"
"It'll be fine," Sophia interrupted, squeezing my hand hard enough to bring me back. "We're here together."
The nurse showed me how to carefully reposition Jasper in my arms. "We'll just tease his lips a little with the nipple, encourage him to open up," she explained.
Jasper squirmed, his tiny face scrunching in confusion as the bottle's nipple touched his lips. Come on, kid. Work with me here.
"Come on, little man," I encouraged, my voice shaking slightly. "Just like we practiced."
Sophia started humming softly—the same lullaby she sang to Lily. The familiar melody seemed to soothe Jasper, and to my absolute shock, he began to suckle tentatively.
"Holy shit," I breathed, then immediately glanced at 他和nurse. "Sorry."
She just grinned. "That's it!" she exclaimed. "Now watch for the suck-swallow-breathe pattern. That's what we need to see."
I held my breath, terrified of jinxing this moment. My entire body tensed as if I were defusing a bomb rather than feeding an infant. Jasper took another pull from the bottle, swallowed, and breathed. The simple action nearly brought me to my knees.
"He's doing it," I whispered in disbelief, my eyes burning.
"Perfect," she confirmed, beaming at us. "Hey, he's really hungry, isn't he? That's a great sign."
Sophia's eyes met mine over Jasper's head, both of us sharing a moment of pure joy and relief. This tiny victory felt more significant than any business success I'd ever achieved.
"Thank you for being here," I said to her once the nurse stepped away to give us some privacy. My voice was raw with emotion. "For everything, especially after Amanda..." I couldn't finish. The words jammed in my throat, sharp and painful.
"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Sophia replied, her eyes glistening. "He's part of our family now."
"One week," I said, thinking about our upcoming wedding. The thought sent warmth spreading through my chest. "One week and we'll be officially a family."
"The four of us," she nodded, referring to Lily as well.
After Jasper finished feeding, he let out a tiny burp that made both of us laugh. The tension in my shoulders released slightly, allowing me to breathe more easily.
"Well, he definitely has something in common with his daddy," Sophia teased, and the normalcy of the moment—joking about something so mundane—felt like a goddamn miracle.
Dr. Robinson stopped by to check on Jasper and give us some guidance. "Make sure to keep him slightly elevated after feedings to prevent reflux," she advised. "Preemies are particularly susceptible."
"When can Lily come meet him?" Sophia asked. "And Elizabeth? The rest of the family?"
"Let's give him another week to get stronger," Dr. Robinson suggested. "But if his progress continues like this, I don't see why brief, controlled visits would be a problem."
---
Hours later, we walked into our home, both exhausted but lighter than we'd been in days. My body felt like it had been put through a meat grinder, but my mind was clearer than it had been in weeks.
"Dr. Robinson thinks he might come home in four to six weeks," I said, collapsing onto the sofa. "That's sooner than we initially thought."
"That's wonderful news," Sophia replied, kicking off her shoes and curling up beside me. "Oh, I forgot to tell you—your father came by the office today."
I tensed immediately, every muscle going rigid. Even though I'd come to terms with James being my biological father, it still felt strange to hear him referred to that way. "What did he want?" My voice came out harder than intended.
"He invited us to dinner with him and Carmen," she explained. "He said there are some family matters to discuss."
I nodded, wondering what these "family matters" might entail. Probably something to do with Noah's children and the redistribution of assets I'd initiated. My jaw clenched at the thought of more Sterling family drama. When does this shit ever end?
"Speaking of fathers," Sophia continued hesitantly, "Mateo mentioned that Noah was the perfect father figure for them—"
"I don't care how perfect Noah was for them," I cut her off, the words slicing out before I could stop them. "He was a fucking nightmare for me."
The memories threatened to surface—Noah's coldness, his constant disappointment, the way he'd made me feel like I was never enough. The familiar anger bubbled up, hot and corrosive. I took a deep breath, trying to push it back down. Don't be like him. Don't let it control you.
"I'm sorry," Sophia said, placing her hand on mine. "I wasn't trying to push you to talk about him."
I squeezed her hand, immediately regretting my harshness. "No, I'm sorry." I rubbed my face with my free hand. "It's just... complicated as hell. The man who raised those kids isn't the same man who raised me." My voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Sometimes I wonder if he knew I wasn't his."
"I know," she whispered, resting her head on my shoulder. " We'll face it together."
I kissed the top of her head, grateful beyond words for her presence in my life. With Sophia by my side and our children to protect, I could face anything—even the ghosts of my past.