Chapter Nine

“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Nick asked as the sleigh started moving away from the café.

“I’m sure.” I hesitated. “I heard what you said to Stacey, about wanting to see this through. Did you mean it?”

He glanced over his shoulder at me, his expression unreadable. “I did.” He shook his head and faced forward again. “This whole other life you’ve told me about? It sounds so crazy, so unbelievable. But I have this strange feeling. I can’t explain it. Like something’s not right.”

My pulse quickened and hope bloomed in my heart again. Maybe his memory trigger was starting to work. “Nothing’s right about this situation,” I said softly.

“You guys really think Dave is Luke’s father? That just blows my mind.”

“Yeah.” A knot twisted in my stomach as I pictured Luke losing his patience with his father at every turn. If he didn’t go easy on him, he would only make things worse. “By the way, thank you for getting him to wear the tags.”

“No problem. Dave’s a pretty simple guy. He just needed a little persuasion.”

“Well, it was a big help. More than you know. I know you don’t understand why it’s so important— I mean, not really.”

He shrugged. “It’s important to you, and that’s good enough for me.”

I stared at his broad shoulders, stunned. Before I could respond, though, he pulled up in front of a little cottage. Smoke drifted lazily from the chimney. “This is my first stop.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Ah, sure.”

At Nick’s knock, the door was opened by a petite elderly woman with silver-grey hair that was pulled back in a loose bun. When she saw Nick, her violet-colored eyes lit up behind her glasses, her cheeks pinking in delight.

“Hello, Daniel! How are you today?”

“Fine, Mrs. Burke. And you?”

“Oh wonderful, now that you’re here. And I see you brought a friend. Come in, come in, both of you.”

As we stepped into the warm, cheery cottage, I couldn’t help staring at Mrs. Burke. I knew every inch of her wrinkled face because I’d taken such care to get it right, to capture the kindly features of the woman who stood in front of the church in my painting. Now she bustled around her cottage, moving aside her knitting so we could sit on the plump, flower-printed loveseat, setting the container of soup Nick had brought her on the kitchen counter, and finally, leaning down to give Nick a motherly peck on the cheek.

“Bless your heart, Daniel. You know how Doris’ soup warms my feeble little body.”

Nick laughed. “You’re not that feeble, Mrs. Burke. You’ve got more energy in your little finger than most people in the village.”

“True, true,” she said, taking a seat on a rustic rocking chair. She looked at me with a sly smile. “He knows I could easily take a little jaunt over to the café for my daily soup, but I prefer to have him deliver it. I do so enjoy our chats.”

“So do I, Mrs. Burke.”

She squinted at me a little over her glasses. “You’re Deborah’s granddaughter, aren’t you? Or Kathy’s, maybe? You’ll have to forgive me. My memory is not as good as it used to be when it comes to names and faces.”

“Actually, Julia is—”

“Kathy’s granddaughter.” I cut Nick off before he could tell Mrs. Burke I was new to the village. It seemed easier this time to pretend I was someone else. Fewer questions that way. Thankfully, Nick followed my lead.

“That’s right,” he said. “She wanted to give me some company today.”

“Oh, how nice. I can tell you’re a kindred soul, Julia, just by looking at you.” She treated me to a wide smile. “Not like that daughter of Doris’. What’s her name again, Daniel?”

“Stacey,” Nick said with a tight smile.

“Right. One of my neighbors told me she’s always hanging over you, causing a scene. You’d be better off with a lovely girl like Julia here.”

Nick’s face went red with embarrassment. “I’m not with Stacey, Mrs. Burke.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” she said, winking at me. “Now you just wait here a moment. I have your sweater ready for you.”

She disappeared into her bedroom and returned with a thick wool sweater. It was fire engine red with a trio of snowman on the front. “Here you go, dear,” she said, laying it in Nick’s lap. “Only took me a few days to finish.”

“It’s beautiful.” Nick kissed her cheek. “Thank you. I can’t wait to wear it.”

“The color will match the scarf I knitted you last week.”

“Oh, I never even thought of that. You’re right.”

I hid a smile as he folded the sweater. “That’s really thoughtful of you, Mrs. Burke.”

“It’s the least I can do,” she replied, patting him on the shoulder. “He’s wonderful company. Best part of my day.”

After chatting with Mrs. Burke for a few more minutes, we said goodbye.

Outside, Nick told me he only had one more delivery to go, and it turned out to be Dr. Evans. When we arrived, he whisked us inside, accepted an apple pie from Nick with a smile, then turned to me. “How are the ribs holding up today? Much pain?”

“Still a bit sore,” I said, “but so much better than yesterday.”

“Good to hear. Now you keep using the compresses, all right? If you do, the rest of the pain will be gone in no time.” He paused. “I trust that Daniel has been taking good care of you?”

“He has, yes.”

“I wouldn’t have expected any less. Do you know he chopped a half a cord of firewood for me when I ran out? I’d been tending to an injured young man and came back to find it stacked outside my door, waiting for me.”

I smiled. “That doesn’t surprise me at all.”

As we left the doctor’s cottage, Nick gave me a sideways glance. “What?” he said with a laugh. “What’s that grin for?”

“It’s just… You’ve been trapped in here for two months and you’re still the same old Nick. I thought you wouldn’t be, but you are. You’re still generous and caring and selfless. You take soup to little old ladies and pretend to like the ugly sweaters they knit you. You chop firework for the busy doctor.” I stepped into his cottage when he held the door open for me. “And you… You don’t even remember me and you take care of me.”

He closed the door behind him and took off his hat. A lock of hair fell across his forehead. I ached to touch it, to touch him, but I willed myself to stay where I was in the middle of the room, waiting for his reaction.

“That’s nothing,” he said with a shrug. “Anyone would do it.”

“No, they wouldn’t. You help people. That’s what you do. It’s why you won that humanitarian award. It’s why one of your greatest ambitions is to work with Doctors Without Borders someday. You’re amazing.”

He rubbed his neck. “Wow. High praise. I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that no matter how much you believe you’re someone named Daniel and that your life is here, you haven’t lost your sense of self. You’re still you. I know this all sounds crazy to you, but it’s the truth.”

“It could be a coincidence, that your Nick and I are a little bit alike.”

“No,” I said firmly. “It’s not.”

He was quiet for a moment, still rubbing his neck as he did when he was uncomfortable. His gaze darted around the cottage, as if it was too much for him to look at me. I could practically see the thoughts and questions racing through his head, but he didn’t voice any of them.

“I know it’s a lot to hear, but you can ask me anything.”

He pulled off his jacket, held his hand out for my coat and hung them on the rack by the door. When he turned back, he finally made eye contact with me. “Going through a portal. It sounds pretty dangerous. Both you and Luke got hurt while doing it.”

Disappointment snaked around me. I’d hoped he would ask me about his life with me. “I don’t think it’s always like that,” I answered, thinking of my soft, cushiony landing in the poppy field. “But I guess the bigger the portal, the more risk of getting hurt. More places to land in, maybe. My mural is pretty big.”

Nick pushed his hands through his hair. “How can we be in a painting, Julia? This is a village with real people in it.”

“That’s the thing, Nick. No matter how much they seem real, they aren’t. You and I, and Luke and his dad? We’re the only real people here. And we don’t belong here. Deep down, I think you know that.”

“All I know is that something doesn’t feel right to me all of a sudden.” He blew out a breath. “All right. So, if you really did get here through a portal, what did you do to open it? You said strong emotions conjure them, so I’m just wondering, what were you feeling to get in here?”

“Anger,” I said, “and sadness. Luke was going on about the fire and being an asshole like usual, making me think of all the awful things that happened to me and to you and Mom. As much as I hated him for doing that, I have to admit that it made me get in here pretty quick. But feeling really sad and mad like that is insanely uncomfortable. All my life, it’s been so easy for me to push my feelings back. I’m not used to…well, feeling so much.”

“Why couldn’t you try remembering happy times?” he asked. “Does the emotion always have to be dark?”

“I think so,” I said, shrugging. “Those are usually the strongest ones.”

“Jeez.” He shook his head. “It sounds rough.”

I eased myself onto the sofa bed with a wince, feeling achy after the events of the morning. “It’s not the kind of ability I ever would’ve wished for, but I’ve got it.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just a little tired.”

“Lie back. I’m going to get another compress for you.”

I propped myself against the pillows and gratefully accepted the cider-soaked compress when Nick brought it in. He set a mug on the table beside me.

“I’ll be right back. Just going to put Dusty away.”

Alone, I held the compress against my ribs. Countless questions flew through my head—things like how was Luke doing with his father and what was Nick thinking? And the biggest question of all…what was I going to do if he didn’t regain his memories before the mural was painted over?

Pretty soon I was worn out from all the agonizing. My brain needed a break. I needed a break. Settling back on the bed, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind.

I was standing in front of the house on Ennis Avenue. It was a calm, clear day. Not a puff of breeze in the air, not a cloud in the sky. But there was a storm raging inside of me, bubbling up in my chest and screaming to be let out. I wanted everyone to go away so I could focus on getting rid of it.

But that boy Lucas was bothering me again, asking me to come play in his yard. And he had that scummy teddy bear with him, as usual.

“Come on, Julia,” he said. “I want you to come over.”

Didn’t he know I felt too awful to play? Why couldn’t he understand that I needed to be alone with my feelings?

“Go away,” I called, tears flowing down my heated face like a river. “Just go away.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

The storm reared up like a violent horse, its hooves beating against my chest. If he wouldn’t listen, I’d have to make him go away. There was a Smurfs poster hanging in my room. I wanted him in there, where he would leave me alone. “I told you to go away!”

My scream echoed down the street. I swayed on my feet, dizzy. My eyes closed. When I opened them again, a doorway filled with a bright blue and white light floated next to Lucas. His teddy bear was pulled from his arms and shot through the door like a bullet.

Someone was shaking me.

I woke with a jolt, my face and hair damp with sweat. Nick pulled me into his arms. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Shuddering, I clutched at him. He held me close, running his hands up and down my back. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “It was just a nightmare. You’re fine.”

“God, it was horrible.” I buried my face in his shoulder. “It— It was the day I opened the portal and Luke almost went through. I remembered what happened. All of it. I created the door because I wanted Luke to leave me alone. But I didn’t mean it. It was like…something took control of me. I swear, I didn’t mean to do it.”

“I know you didn’t,” he murmured.

When I finally stopped shuddering, he pulled away, holding me at arm’s length. “Okay now?”

I nodded, my heart tripping over itself. Waking up to find his arms around me seemed so normal at first, so natural. Those arms had been around me hundreds of times before. But now, watching him move away, his eyes averted, the realization hit me again like a ton of bricks. It wasn’t natural for him anymore.

Hoping my disappointment didn’t show on my face, I got to my feet. “I’m going to go wash up a little.”

In the bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face, then just stood staring at myself in the mirror. There were shadows under my eyes and a pallid hue to my skin—or maybe it just seemed that way against the backdrop of my bright surroundings. I reached up with one hand to smooth my swirling mass of hair. Even the blonde highlights looked dull in contrast to the lustrous white of the room.

I leaned my hands on the sides of the sink, trying to steady myself before I headed back out. It was torture, being with Nick…but not being with him. For all my talk of being patient, I didn’t know how much more of this I could take.

I opened the bathroom door but stayed where I was when I heard voices.

“You know, loverboy, I’ve been wondering how last night went. You and the princess here, all alone. What exactly did you guys do?”

“We talked. She rested.”

“So, you didn’t ‘do it’ then? Not surprising. That was the rumor going around school, you know—that she was too much of a prude to sleep with you.” I narrowed my eyes into slits. One of Trisha’s rumors.

“Don’t talk about her like that.”

“Bet you thought about hooking up with Trisha Ford,” Luke sneered. “Now there’s a girl who looks like she’s good in bed, even if she is a bimbo.”

“Shut up, Luke,” Nick said in a tightly controlled voice. “Just shut up.”

Luke laughed. “Why? This is the most interesting conversation I’ve had since I got out of juvie. Come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t daydream about that cheerleader’s hot body and wonder if she looked better in the buff than your girlfriend—or don’t you remember?”

With heat rising in my cheeks, I strode to the living room. I got there just as Nick grabbed Luke by the collar, his fist clenched as if ready to strike.