Chapter 49
Emily's POV
"It means I barely see you anymore. It means when I do see you, you're either exhausted or distracted or mentally counting down the minutes until you have to leave for your next obligation. It means I just walked in here and found my girlfriend having some kind of intense conversation with a guy who looks at her like she's his next big acquisition." Ethan's voice was rising now and he seemed to realize it, forcing himself back under control. "So yeah, I'm asking. Are you actually still with me, or are you just going through the motions while you wait for something better to come along?"
The accusation stung because there was truth buried in it. I had been distant lately. I had been so focused on survival and building my future that everything else, including him, had become background noise I barely registered.
"That's not fair," I said, but the words came out weak.
"Isn't it?" Ethan leaned forward and his expression was raw with hurt. "Tell me honestly, Em. When was the last time we had a real conversation? One where you weren't already thinking three steps ahead to the next thing on your schedule?"
I opened my mouth to answer and then closed it again because I genuinely couldn't remember. The realization settled in my stomach like a stone.
"I'm trying," I said finally, quietly. "I know it's not enough but I really am trying to balance everything."
"I know you are." His voice softened slightly. "But that's kind of the problem, isn't it? I'm just one more thing you're trying to fit into your schedule. One more obligation you have to balance alongside everything else." He paused and something that looked like resignation crossed his face. "And I can't compete with your ambition. I definitely can't compete with guys like him who can offer you access to the exact world you're trying so hard to break into."
"I'm not asking you to compete," I protested, even though part of me knew that wasn't entirely true.
"Then what are you asking from me?" His eyes searched mine. "Because I honestly don't know anymore."
I didn't have an answer for that. We sat there in heavy silence while the barista started wiping down tables around us in an obvious hint that they were trying to close up for the night.
"I should go," I said eventually, unable to bear the weight of the conversation anymore. "I have an early class tomorrow."
Ethan nodded and stood when I did. We walked out to his truck without speaking and he opened the passenger door for me like he always did, waiting until I was settled before closing it carefully. The drive back to campus felt like it took twice as long as usual. The silence between us was thick and uncomfortable in a way it had never been before.
"I'm not trying to control you," he said as he pulled up in front of my dorm building. His hands were tight on the steering wheel and he was staring straight ahead through the windshield. "I just don't want to lose you to someone who can give you things I can't. Someone who fits better into the life you're building."
I turned to really look at him and saw the fear underneath all the anger and hurt. That's what this actually was. Not jealousy or possession, but genuine fear of being left behind.
"You're not going to lose me," I said, but even as the words left my mouth I wondered if I was lying to both of us.
Not because I wanted Alex specifically, or because I was attracted to him in any romantic sense. But because I wanted what he represented with an intensity that bordered on desperate. That world where problems became opportunities. Where intelligence was the currency that mattered. Where I could finally prove I was worth more than my circumstances.
And Ethan couldn't give me that, no matter how much he loved me.
He could give me safety and comfort and unconditional support. He could give me the kind of steady, uncomplicated love that other people probably would have treasured.
But he couldn't give me the thing I needed most. The hunger that matched my own. The drive to win, not just survive.
I leaned over and kissed him goodnight, trying to put everything I couldn't say into the gesture. Soft and apologetic and full of guilt for wanting something he couldn't provide.
Then I climbed out of the truck and went inside. Made my way up the stairs to my room on autopilot.
My phone buzzed with an incoming text.
[Apologies for the direct contact—I got your number from Marco. He thought this would be a good opportunity for you. Think about the offer. No pressure, but I meant what I said earlier. You're exactly what I'm looking for. -Alex]
I stared at the message for a long moment. Then at the card with his direct number printed in clean, professional font. Then at my accounting textbook sitting on my desk, waiting for the assignment I still needed to finish before class tomorrow.
And I knew with absolute certainty that I was going to say yes to the internship.
Not because of Alex Monroe himself.
Because of what he was offering me. A chance to stop just surviving and start actually winning.
I'd spent my entire life fighting to stay afloat, and I was so tired of treading water. Tired of just barely making it through each day. Tired of playing small and safe.
I wanted more.
I wanted to be the person I knew I was capable of becoming, and Alex Monroe was offering me a direct path to get there.
Even if it meant leaving Ethan further and further behind in the process.
Even if it meant becoming someone I wasn't entirely sure I recognized anymore.
I was going to take the internship.
And whatever came after that, I would deal with when it arrived.