CHAPTER 40—XAVIER POV

She's about to walk out the door.

I'm not going to lose her again. I grab her hand, stopping her from moving any further.

"I need to leave, Xavier," she said defeatedly.

"What? No! You're not going anywhere. I love you, and I'm going to fight to keep you," I said almost irritably.

She throws her head back and laughs, but there's tears trailing down her cheeks. "Don't say you love me, because you're making a promise with my heart that I know that you don't intend on keeping."

Is this really what she thought, she thought that I'm going to leave her.

It wasn't my choice last time and this time I'm going to stay with her because she's all I need.

"That I can't keep? You made me lose my company, everything I've ever worked hard for and I'm still here!" I shouted. Maybe this would make her realize.

"You made me lose something even worse—you. You made sure every bit of my heart was burnt and then you left me." She turns away from me.

Her shoulders shaking at the weight of her silent sobs. She wipes her tears onto her sleeve before looking me dead in the eyes once again. The tip of her nose is a soft shade of red and her green eyes are like oceans, brimmed with tears.

"La, I—" I wanted to hold her, console her, and make everything better.

I took her hands into mine, but she snatched them away.

"That's the problem Xavier. You love La, you remember La, you crave La…but I'm not La anymore."

"I love you."

"You don't." She's talking through her tears. "You think you love me because loving me is a chance at finding La again. You have no reason to love Amelia. All Amelia ever did was lie to you, hurt you, and ruin you.

"I love all of you," I said. What else could I even say?

Her eyes shone through the tears as she smiled, a smile that told me, 'Aww, you poor boy. You don't understand.'

"I'm sure you think that your La is hidden somewhere under my layers of defence and beneath my cold exterior." Her breathing hitches. "But your La is not here." She puts her finger over my chest, at my heart. "She's in there. She's your fantasy."

"I want you. La isn't someone I'm looking for. La is you. Your soul is La, and I can't live without it."

Her eyes welled up again. "I'm sorry, Xavier, but my soul won't be able to survive you again."

"I won't hurt you again," I promised sheepishly, "I don't want to be your pain. I want to be your happiness, your love, your family…your healing."

"How can you heal me…when you're the reason I'm covered in scars?" she asked.

"I love you with everything I have, and your love in return is all I need." I'm saying anything at this point.

A last desperate plea.

"I can't love you with everything I have because as soon as I do, I'll be dammed."

A wave of frustration overwhelmed me. I don't know how to make her realized that she is all I need, all I want and with her I'm perfectly content.

"Somewhere between signing that contract and where we are today, Amelia…there was love,” I stated.

"There was. But loving you—" She dug her finger into my chest. "—is my self-destruction."

A dry, humourless laugh escapes me, and she looks up at my face. "Isn't it pathetic that you could treat me however you want, make me the dirt under your shoe, drag me to hell and back, and I'll always be here…waiting for you."

Her face softens. Her hand goes up to my face, caressing my neck and jaw, the way she's looking at me is like she's never seen me before, and she'll never see me again.

"I love you. I can't unlove you, Xavier, but I can't be with you either because I'll lose myself."

"I—" I tried to speak.

"And I know I'm being so selfish, but it'll hurt me too."

"I won't hurt you again," I promised. Tears began to drip down my face.

She seems surprised that I'm crying and gently wipes my tears with her hand, the soft glide of her skin only makes my tears drip faster.

"I can't take that risk, Xavier. Last time La was destroyed, but this time, it'll be Amelia, and then there’ll be nothing left."

"I can't live without you," I whispered.

"You did it for 4 years. Now please do it for the rest of your life," she begged. Her eyes closed as tears dripped down.

"Those 4 years were hell for me."

"Forget me, Xavier."

"Don't make me beg because I hate that, and then I will hate you," I warned her.

"I'm not asking you to beg. I'm asking you to leave me."

"I'm here, fighting for us, and I'm not going to leave." I slam my fist into the counter next to me.

"And I'm fighting for me." She smiles. Her smile is sad.

"I love you, goddammit! And I know you feel the same you. What's holding you back?" I angrily slam my fist onto my desk.

"I love you too," she said, and I felt my heart jump.

Pure ecstasy.

"But I don't trust you, and where will we be without any trust?"

I can feel my heart break.

All she needs to do is reach out and I will be there, holding her safe in my arms.

"You can't expect me to forget everything," I said. My hands went over her lips. "I can't forget this."

My hands brush above her eyelids. "I can't forget this." I take her hands in mine, kissing them everywhere. "I can't forget these. I can't forget you. You're my soulmate."

"I need to go for both of our sanities." She pulls her hands out of mine.

"Your heart isn't as cold as you pretend it is, Amelia," I said.

She has the one power I could never possess—she can control her love for me.

My heart was calling out to her, and I knew hers wanted to reply.

But she stopped it and that was something I could never do.

I had one last try to show her how much she meant to me. She didn't need me, but I need her.

"You can't leave me. You saved me," I confessed.

She inched closer to me, both of her hands cupping my face. Slowly, cautiously she leans in. Her lips like a feather's touch upon mine.

I put my hands on her hips, she kisses me deeper. Her skin, wet with tears brushes against mine. Slowly, she pulls away.

"Salvation for you, hell for me," she said against my face before stepping away. "Please, Xavier."

"Fine." I sighed. "Leave, I let you go."

"Xavier—"

"Before I change my mind, Amelia. Get out," I said bluntly.

And she does.

Leaving me standing there.

"Boss, what the hell did you do?" Leroy, who I forgot was standing there, shouted to me, his hands on his head in shock at what I did.

"She needs time, Leroy. Even if I keep her know, she'll hate it. Then, she'll hate me."

"You let her go?"

"Our story isn't over. I know it."

Our hearts were pulled apart before they even collided.