Three

“I had no idea you could snore like that,” Erik said as he sat on the edge of my bed, leaning over to tie his sneakers. We were both showered, dressed, and ready to do the winter break thing.

I was plopped down next to him. “I’m so sorry I fell asleep, I really had good intentions.”

Erik stood and stretched. His shirt rose up, and I could see the trail of dirty blond hairs that ran from his navel and continued down beneath the waist band of his boxers. He dropped his arms, and my peep show was over. “It’s fine. You had a lot to drink.”

“Don’t remind me.” The aspirin still hadn’t kicked in yet. “I really wanted to be together last night.”

“Hey, I’m not comfortable being with you if I’m sober and you’re not. That’s not cool.”

I frowned. “You are such a goody-goody.”

“Just yesterday you said you wanted me to take my old job back.”

“I’m allowed to change my mind.” I admittedly was disappointed. I knew it would be awhile until we would be able to be intimate with each other. I was really looking forward to a little pre-Christmas sexy time.

He bent down and stretched out his arms, resting his knuckles on either side of my thighs. Erik leaned in, his blond hair falling delicately forward, his full mouth inches away from mine. I looked into his blue eyes which were hooded as his gaze dropped to my lips. What were we bickering about? I don’t recall. Then he looked deep into my eyes. “I want to know that when you’re with me, you’re completely aware of everything that’s happening between us.”

I think my brain just liquified. I was so turned on, I had to press my knees together. He was right, though, it was better if I was sober, because somehow that boy made it feel like the first time every time, and who the hell would want to miss out on that?

He took my hands in his and pulled me up. “Trust me, just holding you was pretty fucking great.”

“Really?” He was so sweet.

“Well, aside from when I had to roll you away from me because you sounded like a bulldozer. Yes. It was amazing.”

I flinched, dropped my hands and took a step back. How mortifying. “That bad?”

“It was rather impressive.”

“You’re too kind.” I scratched my head as other memories of the previous evening resurfaced. “Did I sing last night?”

“More like put on a whole concert.”

“No!”

“Yes.” He had a huge grin on his face. “It was fantastic. Please tell me you remember.”

It was all coming back to me now. I had grabbed David’s acoustic and plopped next to Erik on the couch.

I smiled. “Of course I remember.”

“You know.” Erik’s voice softened, and he became more serious. “That was the first time we ever played together.” He hooked his pointer fingers into my belt loops and pulled me closer to him. “It was a hell of a turn on for me.”

“And yet you still were able to restrain yourself last night in my bed.”

“Mmm. Don’t make me regret my decision.” He kissed me, his tongue sliding around mine, and I couldn’t stop the soft moan from escaping my mouth. I contemplated just slamming the boy against my bed and having a quickie, but I knew we’d never be quick. I mean this was goodbye sex, and that could take hours. Besides, the last thing I wanted was to sit in traffic with Jaime’s truck. I couldn’t risk any fender benders or my mother’s wrath for coming home hours after she expected me.

Downstairs, all bundled up with his hat and scarf, Erik loaded the car while I entered my home address into the navigation in Jaime’s car.

“I can’t believe he let you borrow his truck,” Erik said for the millionth time.

“Why not? I’m a good driver.”

“It’s not that. It’s just, he loves this thing… like he’s in a relationship with it or something.”

I shrugged, closed the door and checked my phone one last time. I had several vague text messages from my mom, inquiring if I had left. They were flooded with question marks and exclamation points. Excited much? I texted her that I was on my way home and would see her in a few hours. Then tossed my phone onto the passenger seat so I wouldn’t be tempted to text and drive.

Erik rested his forearms on the inside of the door where the window was rolled down. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. My mom just says she has exciting news, and she can’t wait until I get home.”

“Ohhh! Maybe she’s pregnant,” Erik teased.

“Don’t be gross. It is weird that she’s looking forward to seeing me. Maybe she's on new meds.”

Erik sighed like he was completely over-exasperated by my snark. Relax there, tiger. “Brit, your mom can’t be half as bad as you paint her out to be.”

“You’re right. She’s worse.” I stuck out my tongue, and he reached in and grabbed the ends of my braids, pulling me closer.

“Text me when you get in, okay?”

“I will.”

“I’m going to miss you… I miss you already.” He leaned into the car and planted the most amazing kiss on me. You’d think I was going off to war or something. I knew we’d FaceTime as often as possible, and besides, it was a week. I could handle a week away from him. I hope.

“Love you, baby,” I said, putting on my shades and switching gears from park to drive as Erik took a step back.

“Love you more. Be safe!”

The drive home wasn’t too bad, even with me driving extra slow because I had Jaime’s precious in my possession. I listened to good music, sang along louder than I’d ever sing sober with my friends in the car, and just concentrated on the road.

When I pulled into the driveway, I had that familiar sinking feeling whenever I came home. My last visit was less than four weeks ago, but so much had happened it was enough to last a lifetime. My mother and I fighting. Jaime coming out of the closet. Jaime being beaten by his dad. Driving Jaime to the hospital—it all made me feel sick. Like doom hung over our two houses.

I got out of the vehicle, but instead of going to my door, I found myself walking over to Jaime’s. I touched his door lovingly, recalling how I used to knock on it every day and ask his mother if he could come out and play. “Oh Jaime.” I sighed. “I do hope you have a Merry Christmas. One where you’re lounging in the sun by the pool and enjoying time with your man out in the open.” I stroked the wood of the door lightly and turned away toward my house when I heard the door creak open.

“Brit?”

I swung around. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Lyons!” I skipped over and gave her a warm hug.

“You look radiant, Brit.” She touched one of my purple braids.

“So do you.”

She gave me a small smile. “Um… Jaime isn’t home.”

“Oh, I know. I saw him last night.”

“You did?” Her eyes lit up. “I haven’t seen him since…” Her voice trailed off. We both knew the last time she saw him and how he looked: bruised, swollen eye and stitches across his cheek. Not to mention his broken rib. “How is he?”

“Wonderful. He was really excited about spending Christmas in California. He’ll probably be in a pool by this afternoon.”

“Good.” She forced a smile to hide the pain of not having her son home for the holidays. “Good,” she repeated. She looked like she was about to cry. “I thought I saw his car pull up to your house.” She squinted to look at the silver truck. “That is Jaime’s car, isn’t it?”

“Yes, he let me borrow it so I didn’t have to take the train.”

“Only you would ever get that privilege. He always did love you so much.” I smiled, embarrassed.

“What will you be doing for the holidays?” I asked, knowing that she had recently separated from her husband. I didn’t want her to be alone. Alone on Christmas was so sad.

“Oh, I’ll be with my brother and his wife. It should be nice.” Opening her arms, she gave me another big hug and kissed my cheek. “I am so happy he has you, Brit. You’ve always been like a daughter to me, you know that, right?”

I used to fantasize about marrying Jaime and having Mrs. Lyons as my mother-in-law. I loved Erik with every fiber of my being, but there will always be a part of me that felt home when I was at Jaime’s house. Even with his father and the drinking. The good outweighed the bad. It was the one part I wondered if Erik would ever be able to truly understand. The tears threatened. I bit my bottom lip to hold them back. All I could do was nod. “I better go.”

“Yes, I’m sure your parents are anxious to see you. But… don’t be a stranger. All right?”

I nodded. If I couldn’t be with Jaime during break, I could still be with his mom. I think that would make him feel good.

Pulling out my key, I unlocked the door and announced my presence to the empty hallway. Not a sound. I looked out the window and realized for the first time their BMW wasn’t in the driveway. That was weird; they knew I was coming home.

I went upstairs and unpacked everything in my bedroom, changed out of my jeans into yoga pants, and they still hadn’t returned. A warm welcome as usual. I sulked, wandering into the kitchen and scoured the fridge for some food. It was pretty empty. My mom never let it get this sparse. I assumed they were at the supermarket restocking. Grabbing an apple, I washed it in the sink then scampered off to the living room to watch some television in peace. I usually watched TV in my room, but since no one was home, I savored my alone time with the sixty-inch screen.

Miracle on 34th Street was on, the original in black and white. I loved that it wasn’t the digitally remastered version and immediately snuggled into the crook of the couch, getting lost in the story. About twenty minutes into the movie, watching Macy’s decked out in all its holiday splendor, I had the most daunting realization. Snapping the TV off with the remote, I surveyed the room. It was barren. Not one sprig of holly, no tinsel, no stockings by the fireplace. I went back into the hallway where our tree was placed every year. It was vacant.

Christmas was in six days, and there was no acknowledgement of its pending arrival. No parents, no food in the fridge, and now no Christmas? What the hell was going on?

I heard the hum of their BMW as it turned into the driveway, its wheels rolling over the white gravel, and ran outside to meet them. I have to admit, I was momentarily relieved that they even came home. I was starting to feel like the last woman alive after the zombie apocalypse.

“There she is! Rainbow Brit!” my dad said as he stepped out of the car and walked over to give me a hug. “Welcome home, kiddo.” He kissed my cheek. I took a breath and tried to control my irrational panic attack. He seemed normal, that was a good sign. Maybe I had imagined all the warning signs of abandonment.

I walked over to the trunk with my dad. My mom was already bent over and grabbing shopping bags and sorting through their purchases. I saw the labels and quickly assessed they did not just return from food shopping. I peeked inside one of the bags; it was mostly filled with toiletries. Hairspray, cotton swabs, and lotion.

So we’ll be starving, but we’ll look good while doing it.

“How was the drive?”

It took me a moment to realize my mother was talking to me. I looked over at Audrey, her perfect ass in her skinny jeans, her long black leather boots that covered her knees, and an ivory coat with her Louis Vuitton bag hooked over her shoulder. Her coat was impeccably clean, like she had just cut the tags off of it. But I knew it was at least three years old. How did she always manage to look like she had just stepped off the runway? My need for comfort was apparent in my fashion choice. Black yoga pants, my Converse, and an over-sized gray sweatshirt that landed mid-thigh. “Good. No traffic.”

“You didn’t mark-up Jaime’s car, right? It’s still in exactly the same condition you accepted it in?”

I started counting to ten in my head. Could she just once give me a real hug and say, welcome home?

“His car is fine.”

“Good. Then it can sit in our driveway the rest of the time. No need to drive it unnecessarily.”

I slammed my foot on the brakes to nip this idea in the bud.

“Mom, borrowing the car is between me and Jaime. You have no say over how often I drive it while I’m back home.” Besides, I needed to drive that car. How else would I see Erik on Saturday? I know he would come and pick me up, but it was his birthday, and I wanted to go to him. Honestly, I was still okay with the concept of Audrey and Erik never actually coming face to face.

She seemed to ignore me as we walked into the house with our bags. My dad had already ventured inside. “You updated your passport like I asked you to last year when you turned eighteen, right?” I could hear the click-clack of her boots as I shadowed her.

Shit. Another one of those classic moments where mom would get to prove that she was always right, and I was eternally wrong. I watched longingly as my dad carried a bunch of bags upstairs and I was so tempted to follow him just to be away from her. “Uh, no. I forgot.”

“Oh Brittany!” Her voice was shrill. She put the bags on the hallway floor and whipped around, her eyes looked like they were ready to shoot lasers at me. “I should have known better than to have you take care of something so important. You’re hopeless you know that? Well, what can I say? I’m not surprised.”

I wish she’d cut the dramatics and just tell me what all the fuss was about. “Why? Are we going somewhere this summer?”

“No, not this summer. This week. Paris.”

“Paris?” My jaw dropped. “Like… France?”

“Do you know of another Paris that would require your passport?”

I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t understand.”

“Your father has a business trip to meet the new investors in France.”

“Yeah… but I thought that was next week.”

“It is, but I thought wouldn’t a holiday in Europe be fabulous?” Her entire personality switched in that second, like her meds had kicked in. Welcome to the crazy house, Brit. “It’s been so long since we traveled. We didn’t really celebrate our anniversary this year, so this seemed like a nice way to do it. And since your dad had taken the days off anyway for Christmas, it just made sense. But because I can’t rely on you for anything, now we’re stuck.”

A thousand thoughts came crashing over me at once. If my mother didn’t get to go to Paris because of my lack of responsibility, I might as well hand her the cross and nails; she would definitely crucify me on the front lawn. But if I went to Paris with them, I’d miss Erik’s birthday. To be perfectly frank, I didn’t know what outcome I preferred. I decided on waving the white flag. “Well… maybe I can expedite my passport or something.”

“How? It’s Saturday afternoon. All government businesses are closed until Monday, and even if by some miracle you were able to have it overnighted, our flight is Tuesday morning.”

The realization that she would go with or without me became crystal clear. “So, you’re just going to go without me? You’d leave your only child alone on Christmas? Why can’t you get another flight?”

My mother looked as if this very conversation was exhausting her. “Brittany, you’re not a baby anymore. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to get this flight? It’s the busiest time of the year to travel. Not to mention the most expensive. I just hope I can get reimbursed for your seat.”

“So that’s it? You’re just going to go and leave me all alone on Christmas?” I reiterated. My body was shaking.

“Whose fault is this, Brittany? You’re constantly trying to take my happiness away from me. Finally, we plan a nice trip, but because you were irresponsible and didn’t get your passport renewed, you’ll just have to miss it. What can I tell you? Lesson learned.”

“Why didn’t you call and ask me before you made all these arrangements?” My voice was shaking. Tears threatened but I refused to let her see me cry.

“Because it was meant to be a fabulous surprise. I had assumed you had actually done what I asked you to do. I’ll never make that mistake again. You’re just not responsible.”

“And you’re an evil bitch.”

I ran out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I wanted to get in Jaime’s car and just drive somewhere—anywhere, but my parent’s car was blocking my escape. Instead, I turned and jogged toward the woods. I heard my dad calling after me, but I didn’t look back, and I didn’t stop running, either. Not until I had reached the ladder of the treehouse that Jaime and I had turned into our sanctuary. I climbed every rung, crawled inside over the bed of dead, dusty leaves, and drew my knees up to my chin.

Paris.

I had wanted to go to Paris my whole life. My mother had been, many times. This was beyond cruel. I half-expected her to follow me here and rip me a new one for cursing at her, but she stayed away. For once, she respected my emotions.

It’s hard to feel like a mature adult when you’re curled up in your childhood treehouse crying into the sleeves of your sweatshirt. It was cold and damp, but I refused to go back home. Not yet. Instead, I pulled out my phone from my pouch pocket and called the one person who could ease my pain.

He picked up quickly, the smile detectable through the phone. “Hey babe, what’s up?”

“Everything…” My voice was shaking, breathing was difficult, speaking near impossible. “Is fucked up.”

“Brit? What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

“Yes… My parents… They’re going to Paris for Christmas… Without me,” I stammered.

“What?” Erik sounded shocked. “But… why would they have you come home if they were just going to leave you alone?”

“It’s a long story. They technically invited me, but my passport isn’t up to date, they’re leaving Tuesday so I have no time to fix this, and honestly, at this point, I don’t even want to go,” I said in one achy sob.

“You don’t just go to Paris overnight. When did they plan this trip?”

I sniffed back and wiped my nose with my sleeve, thankful that this was not a video call. I must have looked pretty gross. “My dad had a business trip in France next week, and my mom talked him into extending it early and making a vacation out of it. She said it’s a late anniversary vacation or something stupid like that.”

“So, you’re just expected to be alone on Christmas?” Whoa, he sounded angry. I was grateful he was in another state. If given the opportunity, I think he would have knocked down the door and told my parents off.

“Looks like it. If Jaime were home, I’d just go to his house.” I recalled what his mother had said about going to her brothers, and I felt even more miserable. Spending Christmas with Mrs. Lyons wouldn’t have been so bad, but not even that was an option for me.

“Give me a few minutes, I’ll call you right back.” Erik hung up abruptly, and I was shocked he would abandon me in my hour of need. Resting the back of my head on the wooden wall, I tried to calm down. Maybe I could call Kristen, perhaps she wouldn’t feel it a complete imposition to have me over for Christmas day. I knew she would have me, but I had never met her family. I didn’t want to be anyone’s burden. I wasn’t a charity case. But even as I tried to toughen up and think about how it wouldn’t be so bad to be alone this week, my bottom lip trembled and warm, thick, salty tears slid down my cheeks.

Why didn’t I just update my passport like she had asked? But it’s not like we ever went anywhere. The farthest we ever traveled as a family was to Canada, and I was so young I didn’t even remember that trip. I checked my phone to see the time and was disheartened to find it was almost four. Jaime would be in the air by now. I couldn’t even call him. My phone lit up with Erik’s picture.

“Hey,” I said, my voice still shaky.

“Okay, it’s all settled. You’re coming here for Christmas.”

“What?” I shouldn’t have been surprised. Erik would have had it no other way.

“Yeah, I asked my parents and my mother is thrilled.”

“Thrilled?” I questioned.

“Well, not thrilled that you got abandoned by your parents, but you know what I mean.”

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to say yes so bad. To spend days with Erik uninterrupted by classes, work, and sorority duties seemed like a dream. I had even reasoned to Kristen that the reason we always looked like we were ready to devour each other was that our moments together were always on a clock. We had to make the most of every second before the bell rang. And Erik worked—a lot. He had huge financial pressures on him due to his dad being out of work, so I couldn’t fault him for taking every shift he could. He had two weeks off from the coffee house so he could go home, and although the second semester didn’t start up until the end of January, Erik would have to head near campus, driving an hour every day to work his shifts.

“I can’t impose on your family like that.”

“How is it imposing? You were going to come up on Saturday anyway. Now you’ll just come up a little earlier.”

“Yes, but that was just for the day. Not an entire night.”

“Well, it’s more than a night. My mother invited you to stay until your parents are back.”

“What? No way.” That was way too much pressure. I was having anxiety over just an afternoon. A week at Erik’s house? What if they hated me?

“No, really, it’s the best solution for everyone. You get to really meet my family, not just for a few hours of rushing the experience, you’re not alone, and the best part, we’re together. I can’t think of a reason why you should say no.”

He was right. I could find no argument in his reasoning. “I guess you’re right. The thought of being in my house alone each night is pretty creepy.”

“Fantastic. Just run it by your folks, and we’re good to go.”

“Why should I run it by them? They didn’t run their Parisian excursion by me.”

“Because you’re the bigger person, and it’s the right thing to do. C’mon, Brit. This is about me, too. I want to make a good impression as well. I’m not stealing you for days without them knowing.”

“Fine. I’ll tell them.” This would not end well. My mother would flip out, and my dad would give me that horrified expression that acknowledged I had a healthy sex life. No… maybe I could just send them a text once they landed in another country.

“Great, call me afterward to let me know.”

“Uhh… I just cursed my mom out. Don’t expect to hear from me tonight.”

“Brit! You can’t disrespect your parents like that. You need to apologize.”

My veins twitched. It was rare that Erik ever pissed me off, but sometimes he just had no clue. Jaime would never tell me I had to apologize. He would pull me into a hug and let me curse and cry. I knew I couldn’t fault Erik for having a more conventional upbringing than I had, but in that moment, I felt like he took their side.

“I’ll talk to you later,” I said so cold my voice resembled Audrey’s.

“So what? Now you’re mad at me?”

“Erik, I’m mad at everyone. Don’t try to fix me, okay? Just let me get through this the only way I know how.”

“Brit, maybe there’s a better way than the way you’ve always done things.”

“Grrrr!” The foreign sound came out in my frustration. “Just stop. You’re really not helping. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Fine, cool down, but please ask your parents at your earliest convenience.”

“You still want me there?”

“Baby, I always want you. Even when you want to reach through the phone and rip my throat out.”

“That obvious?”

“Just a tad. The growl was rather telling.”

I rolled my eyes. “All right, let me go. I’m freezing, so I can’t stay out here all night.” It was already getting dark. Damn winter!

“Let me guess, treehouse?”

“Yup.”

“You’ll have to show it to me sometime.” His voice suddenly became smooth and velvety.

Knowing Erik, he’d want to christen it. I couldn’t do that to Jaime. Then I thought about how he probably used the treehouse with Beaver to have some privacy over Thanksgiving. No, Jaime wouldn’t do that… eh, maybe he would.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Bye, Brit.”

“Bye.” I pressed the off button and looked around the treehouse, wishing I was ten years old again and reading a stack of comics with Jaime. I doubted my parents would have left me alone if I was ten. No matter how much Audrey wanted to.