Special Chapter

"Ouch! Baby!" I glared at him. Iyong klase ng sama ng tingin na talagang kaya siyang hiwain.

"Nakakainis ka!" malakas kong sigaw. Maya maya pa ay nagsimula na akong suminghot-singhot hanggang sa magkasunod ng tumulo ang luha ko. Mas lalo tuloy na nataranta si Chaos ng humagulhol ako.

"B-bakit... Bakit hindi mo ako pinasama sa burial ni Stephannie. I want to see her for the last time, Chaos. Ang pangit pangit mo!" sinubukan ako nitong yakapin pero panay lang ang hampas ko dito. Nang mapagod ay tumigil na ako kaya agad na pumulupot ang braso ni Chaos sa akin.

"Baby, you were in coma for... a month. And besides, her family wanted her to be buried as soon as possible. I'm sorry." He gently whispered before kissing my cheeks.

Napailing lang ako. H-hindi ko pa rin matanggap na hindi pa rin ako naka-attend. And I wasn't there to comfort my son, Cerix. Alam kong... nasaktan ito sa nangyari sa kaniyang ina e. It hurts me too. It hurts me because she saved me.

"She was my hero. Our hero..." I whispered weakly before caressing my bloated tummy.

That day, when I was about to get shot, naunahan niya si Novin. She shot him on his shoulders kaya nabitawan ako nito. Nahulog ako sa hagdan, but not totally dahil naging mabilis si Chaos. Mabilis niya akong nasalo nun kaya kaunti lang ang damage sa akin. I thought that it already ended, pero sa isip ko lang pala 'yon dahil nakabangon si Novin at nabaril niya si Stephannie. She was shot five times on the most crucial parts.

I don't know what I would do that time. Seeing her with all the blood on her shirt, it was too much.

Ansel was quick to catch her before she fall to the stairs. With her last breath, she managed to say the last words that I know, I would never forget.

"Why did you save me?!" I cried as soon as I saw her shirt soaked with her fresh blood.

Ngumisi ito ng bahagya. "It's-It's worth it. You are worth to be saved. Y-you deserved to be happy. A-and b-besides... hindi na rin naman ako magtatagal sa mundo e. I-I have..." Napahinto ito sa pagsasalita nang bumulwak siya ng dugo. I cried even more.

"I have a cancer. H-huwag nito ng alamin kung anomg klaseng cancer. B-basta... Malala na. Cain, Shin. P-please take care of my son. T-take care of Cerix, please... M-mumultuhin ko k-kayo kapag h-hindi niyo siya inalagaan n-ng mabuti..."

Mas lalo akong napahagulhol ng pilit nitong inabot ang aking kamay bago muling nagsalita.

"Don't blame yourself."

I will be forever indebted to her. Utang na loob ko ang pangalawang buhay ko ngayon. Kung hindi dahil sa kaniya ay baka wala na ako. And worst, hindi na makikita ni baby kung gaano kaganda ang mundo. If not for her, I will never see Chaos, Cerix, my family, and Tammy anymore.

Kaya talagang masama ang loob ko na hindi ako nakasama sa burial ni Stephannie. Gusto kong magdabog at umiyak magdamag pero 'yon lang naman ang magagawa ko. Hindi ko naman hawak ang panahon para ibalik ito sa kung saan makikita ko si Stephannie sa huli niyang sandali.

Chaos' kiss on my cheeks made me broke my reverie. I throw him my dagger looks again. He didn't even flinched at that, instead, he only look at me with so much understanding.

"We can visit her tomb, baby. No need to sulk, hm?" napasimangot ako sa kaniyang sinabi. Of course! We can always visit her tomb pero iba pa rin 'yong nakikita ko talaga siya. That's not enough for me. Hindi ko pa rin matanggap na sarili ko na hindi ako nakadalo sa burial mismo.

"Hindi ko siya nakita, Chaos. Oo nga't pwede tayong bumisita, but can't you see the difference? Hindi ko siya makikita!" iritado kong saad. Napahawak pa ako sa aking malaking tiyan habang nakatingin dito ng masama. I never want to feel irritated with him. Kusa ko lang 'yong nararamdaman and I know that it has something to do with my pregnancy.

"We can bring some pictures of her," pag-aalo pa nito habang hinahaplos ang aking tiyan ngunit mabilis ko itong kinalas.

"Ayoko!" ungot ko. "Ni hindi ko nga nagawa ang supposed to be surprise birthday celebration for Cerix e!" Kapag naaalala ko pa rin 'yon ay sumisikip ang dibdib ko. Wala ako sa panahon na malaki ang pangangailangan ni Rix sa isang ina. I was in comatose for a month. He didn't get to celebrate his birthday too because of what happened. It's just so sad! I'm so sad about it!

"Baby, our son completely understands th-"

"But I don't!"

Chaos massaged his nose bridge. He looked stress. But I don't care. Jinowa niya ako kaya magtiis siya! Lalo na ngayon na buntis ako sa anak namin.

Ilang minuto rin akong panay sigaw kay Chaos na hindi naman nagrereklamo. Natahimik lang ako nang pumasok ang family ni Chaos. Tita Ciana was even satisfied seeing my bulging tummy.

Mom and Dad visited too. Nagpang-abot pa sila ng mga magulang ni Chaos. They were having a mixed emotions when they saw my state. Pregnant and confined in a hospital is a big news for them. Nahimatay pa nga si Mommy, but thank God Dad was there to catch her.

Pagkatapos naming mag-usap ay lumabas naman sila kasabay ng Mommy at Daddy ni Chaos. Mom said that she wanted to plan for my wedding. This time, makikisama na siya sa pagpa-plano dahil ani niya'y boto daw siya kay Chaos.

Wedding.

I smiled bitterly.

How will Chaos and I marry each other when he didn't even proposed to me yet? He didn't give me anything. Hindi rin ito nagpahiwatig na gusto niya akong pakasalanan kahit pa noong unang nalaman niya na buntis ako. We never talk about. We actually didn't talk about what's our real score.

Kasi di ba? We just started off with fucking? I mean he fucked me. He spurted his juices in me and that's just it. Hindi siya nanligaw sa akin. He didn't asked me to be his girlfriend, tapos magpapakasal pa kaya?

We don't really have a real score. Nabuntis lang niya ako. 'Yan ang tamang sabihin. He was just...

Did he even said 'I love you' to me? I can't remember a time when he said that? I admit, hindi ko rin naman sinasabi sa kaniya, but at least I can admit it to myself? Siya ba? Did he even think of marrying me? I bet no.

And that's just that...

I started to doubt about Chaos' feelings for me. When I was left alone inside the hospital room, I cried and cried 'till I get tired. That's rhyming, I know but it's not my main focus right now.

My focus is...

Does he even have feelings for me? Or just a mere lust and infatuation?