Chapter 155 155

Chapter 155 155
CHAPTER 155
EMILY

The guilt had been sitting inside my chest for so long that I had almost convinced myself I had learned how to live with it, but standing in Ryan's living room while she looked at me as though I had become a stranger made me realize guilt was the kind of thing that never really grew lighter. 

I reached for my handbag, where it rested beside the couch, before forcing a smile that even I knew looked painfully weak.

"I should get going."

Morgan, who had been gathering empty cups from the coffee table, stopped in the middle of her movement. She slowly turned toward me, one eyebrow lifting in disbelief before she let out a dry little laugh that carried none of her usual warmth.

"Really, Em?" she asked quietly. "It has actually come to this now? You can't even spend one whole day with us anymore?"

I shifted uncomfortably, already recognizing the look in her eyes. It wasn't anger. I almost wished it were because anger faded eventually. This was disappointment, and disappointment had a way of lingering long after apologies had been spoken.

"It's not like that," I said, wishing the words sounded more convincing than they did.

Morgan placed the cups back onto the table with exaggerated care before folding her arms across her chest.

"Then tell me what it's like because from where I'm standing, you've spent weeks keeping me at arm's length, and every time I try to get close enough to understand what's happening, you disappear."

Aaron looked up from where he had been helping Zara zip one of her tiny jackets and immediately sensed the tension building between us.

"Babe..." he started carefully, hoping to calm her before the conversation spiraled.

Morgan didn't even look at him.

"No, Aaron."

Her voice wasn't loud, but it carried enough firmness to make him stop talking.

"It isn't fair."

Silence settled over the room, heavy enough that even Zara glanced between us before quietly returning to her backpack.

Morgan looked back at me, and this time tears were gathering in her eyes despite how determined she seemed not to let them fall.

"The only reason I agreed to let you leave after everything that happened then was because I honestly believed you needed space," she said, her voice trembling despite her efforts to steady it. "I watched everything pile on top of you, one disaster after another, and I thought maybe getting away from everyone for a little while would help you breathe again."

Her laugh was small and painfully bitter.

"What I wasn't expecting was for my best friend to completely cut me out of her life."

The words landed harder than she probably realized because they echoed every fear I had been trying not to face.

"I wasn't trying to cut you off."

"Weren't you?"

"No."

"Then what do you call disappearing totally?"

I opened my mouth before closing it again because every answer I thought of sounded like another excuse.

"You kept telling me you were fine," Morgan continued. "You kept saying everything was under control while I could practically hear the exhaustion in your voice when I got the chance to speak with you."

"I didn't want to burden you."

She stared at me for several long seconds before shaking her head in disbelief.

"You really don't get it, do you?"

I frowned.

"I never asked you not to, Emily."

"I know."

"No."

She stepped closer, her expression softening despite the hurt written all over her face.

"You clearly don't know because if you did, you would've trusted me enough to let me stand beside you instead of shutting me out every chance you got."

My eyes burned because she wasn't wrong.

Somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that carrying everyone's pain alone was somehow the kinder option, but all I had really done was leave the people who loved me wondering why I no longer trusted them.

"I'm sorry."

The apology came out quietly, but it carried every ounce of regret sitting inside me.

Morgan sighed before rubbing at her forehead.

"I'm tired of hearing you're sorry."

"I know."

"I don't need another apology."

She looked straight into my eyes.

"I need my best friend back."

That almost broke me.

"I promise I'll explain everything."

Her smile was heartbreaking because it held absolutely no belief.

The scraping sound coming from the staircase interrupted the heavy silence before either of us could speak again.

We all turned at the same time.

Zara appeared at the top of the stairs wearing the little pink sneakers Aaron had bought her last Christmas. Her tiny backpack looked twice her size, and she was dragging it behind her with both hands while concentrating so hard that the tip of her tongue peeked out between her lips.

Despite everything weighing on my heart, I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Morgan shook her head affectionately.

"I have a feeling half your bedroom is inside that bag."

"No."

Aaron laughed.

"I believe her."

Zara finally reached the bottom of the stairs before dragging the backpack across the wooden floor until she stopped directly in front of me.

"I'm ready."

Before I could walk over and hug my baby, the front door swung open so abruptly that every head in the room snapped toward it.

Ryan stood frozen in the doorway.

For one terrifying second, nobody spoke.

His face was flushed a deep, alarming red, his hair looked as though he'd spent the last hour running both hands through it, and his chest rose and fell with uneven breaths that made it obvious he hadn't simply walked over here.

He had rushed.

His eyes landed on me almost instantly.

The shock that crossed his face was so raw that it made my stomach tighten.

"Em?"

There was something different about the way he said my name.

Broken.

I instinctively tightened my grip on my handbag before forcing myself to take a step toward the door.

"I was just leaving."

He shook his head immediately, almost desperately, as though the words physically hurt him.

"I'm... I'm so sorry."

The room fell deathly quiet.

Ryan's breathing remained uneven as he stared at me with bloodshot eyes that looked suspiciously wet.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Emily."

Every instinct in my body told me something had changed.

Something enormous.

The realization settled over me so suddenly that my heartbeat began pounding painfully inside my chest.

"What did she tell you?"

Ryan closed his eyes for the briefest moment before opening them again.

When our gazes met, I already knew the answer before he spoke.

"I know it all now."