Who Are You

Who Are You
Sera’s POV

I returned to the condo Nix had helped me secure after the hunters raided my apartment. I couldn't return to my real apartment, even though I have greatly missed it. Going back there was sure death.
The hunter's clan would definitely be keeping a watch on the house, and worse, Cassian could already be there searching for me.
I pushed the door, waddled like a headless duck to the bedroom, and collapsed wearily into the bed. I wrapped the bedsheet around me and hugged it tighter to my body.
I refused to think about everything, about Silas, about Adrain and Cassian. I let my mind stay free, like the blank slate it had been for a while now, and I just stared blankly at the walls, painted in bright buttercream color that gave life to the room, and I waited for Nix to join me. I had called her on my way here.
I didn't know how I felt now. I wanted to be alone, yet I wanted to be around someone that cared about me and that I could trust, since I had left Cassian and Adrian. Perhaps, when Nix comes, I will know then what I really wanted—company or solitude, I thought to myself. I heaved my head low, the smell of the herbs Adrian had poured on me hitting my nostrils harder.
I tossed about on the bed, my lips curled in disgust. A bitter taste grew in my mouth, yet I couldn't dare take it off.
I was still tossing and turning on the bed when the report of the front door opening made it to the bedroom to me. I sat up gently on the bed, the bedsheets still wrapped around me. I rested my head on the wooden frame of the bed, my eyes on the door, my ears following the soft patter of her feet into the room.
“Hello, girl,” she giggled, striding into the room, her eyes bright with smiles.
“Hello,” I answered. I tried to put more power into my voice, but I guess I didn't try enough, because my voice came out low and weak. “What have you been up to?”
She wanted to speak but stopped, her bright green eyes searching my face. Her face contorted in a frown, her expression darkening. “Is anything the matter, baby girl? You look a bit down,” she probed carefully, as if afraid to hurt me with her questions.
I forced a smile, stretching just my lips, and I nodded to her. “I am fine,” I muttered, my voice still low and weak.
She stared at me for a moment, then her face brightened. She threw her weight onto the bed, and the mattress vibrated beneath me a little.
I held the bedsheets to myself tighter, and I watched her, rolling over on the bed to look up at her, a smile still filling up her face. Now I could swear this wasn't the Nix I have known for years. She was changed. The Nix I knew could read me like a book. The Nix I knew would know that if I had hidden myself beneath the bedclothes and said I was fine, then I was saying I was far from it. She would pester me until I told her what was wrong. She wouldn't just sit back and be smiling at me as she was doing now.
But I shrugged my shoulders, forcing my facial muscles to stretch to return her smile. Maybe I was just overthinking it. Maybe she really did care but wanted me to say it first.
I opened my mouth to speak, to tell her Silas was dead.
She stopped me herself. Her loud, excited voice cut me off. “What about your vampire grooms? Have you finally gotten down with both of them? Have you let Adrian taste that coochie?” Her eyelid clasped in a sly wink, a naughty grin playing on her lips.
I faked a smile. “Yes, I have mated with both of them.” I answered absently. I dragged my eyes from her and threw them at the ceiling.
I sighed softly, staring at the ceiling. This was a fucking bad idea. Calling her was the second stupid mistake I’ll be making today. Leaving Adrian and Cassian's place was the first.
“You did,” she giggled excitedly. “That meant Goddess Freya’s portion worked.”
I scoffed at the ceiling. The potion did fucking nothing. I wanted to tell her that, but the words didn't go past my mind.
She kept giggling. The bed vibrated more under me as she bounced on it. “I think I should start preparing for the ritual to break the now.”
I snapped my eyes from the ceiling to her. I followed her excited form as she swirled her arms up to cast a spell, my eyes round on her. She wasn’t asking for the fucking details! How! The Nix I knew would ask how it all went down first before approaching the topic of breaking the bond.
I shook off my shock immediately. I dropped the bedclothes around me, and I moved closer to her as she stood by the bed. “Stop, Nix,” I yelled at her. “Stop whatever you are doing.”
Her arms paused in the air, and she dropped her face to me. “What is it, Sera?” She inquired. Her tone was soft, but I heard her grind her teeth from fury.
Since she has stopped, I sighed carefully, and I relaxed onto the bedframe again. “I am not so sure about breaking the bond again, Nix. I want to give it some more thought, at least for a few weeks or a month. I want to be sure I really want to do this, because right now, I am not so sure anymore.”
Her face darkened. “Did they fuck you so hard you forgot the main reason why you let them fuck you in the first place? You did that to break the bond, not because you liked it.” She said, her voice some shades higher than before.
“When I think about it more now. I think it was for both reasons. I did it because I wanted to break the bond and because I liked them.” I said. I raised my head fully to her. “Because I loved them, Nix. Especially Adrian. I think I love him very much.”
“You don't love him, Sera. You don't know what you are saying,” she screamed.
I looked at her sharply, her yell drilling down my ears. Her face was contorted in a snarl so murderous, it chilled me.
She eventually realized she had yelled, and she sighed, dropping to sit on the bed beside me. She took my hands folded over the bedclothes, taking them in her hands. She sighed again to relax the snarl on her face, and she smiled. “You and I know you want to break the bond, Sera. You have always wanted to. The vampires are hindering your career and your progress. If you break the bond, then you can continue to do what you have always loved to do. Hunting vampires.”
“I know, Nix.” I broke off from her hand. “But something doesn't feel right anymore. I love Adrian, and every inch of my soul wants to be with him, and with Cassian too.” I said, my voice tinged low from the ache in my heart, the nagging force slamming against my soul, screaming at me that I would regret breaking this bond if I did.
She grabbed my hands again, jerking me so I returned my face to her. “Listen to me, Seraphina.” She called my full name now for the first time in years, her voice firm and slightly scolding. “You don't love Adrian, nor his brother. You don't love any of them. You are just grieving, that is all. Your grief is making you think a lot of nonsense. It is making you feel…”
My mind snapped at her words, and I snatched my hands back. I jumped away from her. I stared hard at her, my eyes quizzing her intensely, as if they were drilling holes through her. How did she know? I haven't even told her. There was no way she could have fucking known!
She looked flushed, drained, as my eyes kept searching her. “What is wrong, Seraphina?” She asked, checking herself, searching for the reason I was staring at her, as if it was in her body and not in the fucking words she just uttered.
“How did you know I was grieving? How did you know I lost my brother?” I demanded.
I calmed the wild beat of my heart so I could hear her well as I waited keenly for a response. She should have a very convincing explanation for this. I prayed she does. I prayed the wild thoughts running through my mind weren't real—that she wasn't the real Nix. I hoped this was all some big mistake that could be cleared with just her explanation.
She stared at me silently for a while, her gaze strangely intense. Then she sighed exasperatedly, throwing her arms in the air. “Come on, girl. How else would I know if you didn't tell me? You told me earlier, remember?”
I shook my head, drawing back from her. “No, I didn't,” I responded. I drove my hand stealthily and secretly from under the pillow. My fingers folded on the steel piece of my sword, and I dragged it out, unfolded it, and whipped it fast to her neck. It sliced the air with a sharp clink, stopping just an inch from her neck. “Who are you?” I demanded, a very strong edge to my voice. “And where is the real Nix?”
Her gaze dropped low to the sword and then back to my face. All the while she said nothing, not even a word. My heart ran wildly in my chest, so wild it blocked my ears, as I waited and hoped she would say something to assure me she was the real Nix, that I was just being paranoid for nothing. My fingers trembled on the sword, which made the sword tremble too, quivering beneath my fingers. “Who are you?” I demanded again.
Now, she threw her head to the ceiling and sighed heavily, emptying every bit of air in her into the air. When she brought her head back to me, her features had started to change, her body slowly metamorphosing into something else, someone else, and finally, she became Goddess Freya herself.
“Hello, Seraphina.” She grinned at me. Instantly, my heart sank to the recesses of my mind. Every missed clue started bombarding my mind, the puzzles fitting fast in place to each other in my head. Hell! How could I have been so fucking stupid?