Chapter 28

I flopped over onto my back, fighting to catch my breath. Piper curled onto her side and rested her head on my chest. We were silent for several moments—until I felt a drip of moisture on my bare skin and smelled the unmistakable salty scent of tears.

“Piper, honey. Why are you crying?” I wrapped my arm around her. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” She sniffled. “I’m crying because I know I’m going to hurt you.”

Pain sliced through my heart, and I closed my eyes. “I know,” I whispered, my voice rough with emotion.

She pushed against my chest and peered down at me. Her green eyes shimmered with tears, and everything in me splintered at the pain in her expression. “You do?”

“I’m cranky not stupid, remember?” I forced a smile, but the gesture was more of a grimace. I brushed hair from her face and trailed my hand down her cheek. “I know there’s a lot you haven’t told me, things I assume you know will hurt me. And I know you’ve been struggling with figuring out what I am to you.”

“Then why did you…? I mean, if you knew I was going to hurt you, why did you agree to spend tonight with me?” She clutched the blankets tightly to her body and faced me.

I propped myself on my elbow and rested my free hand on her waist. “Because you wanted me, Piper, and I didn’t want to tell you no.”

“Could you have told me no? Doesn’t being your soulmate mean you have to put my happiness first?”

“Yes, I could have easily told you no.” The corner of my mouth twitched with a faint smile. “Putting your happiness first means I can’t do anything that will affect you long term. Things that will cause you any sort of physical or emotional pain.”

“Oh.” She nodded. “So, the only reason you agreed to be with me tonight is because you just didn’t want to say no?”

Sighing, I rolled onto my back. “What do you want me to say, Piper? I’m a vampire. I’m used to doing what I want simply because I can.”

Lips poised dangerously close to mine, she whispered, “I want you to say the truth.”

I cradled the back of her head and held her gaze, our faces inches apart. “You first.” My tone was hard. “Why won’t you let me kiss you?”

She closed her eyes and hung her head.

The longer she remained silent, the quicker I realized she wasn’t going to answer me. Why wouldn’t she explain? That’s all I wanted—a reason. Was that too much to ask for? Especially considering she’d just let me touch her, love her, in ways I knew no other man ever had. How was she okay with that level of intimacy but a single kiss was the end of the world for her? Frustration erupted in my chest. I released her, flashed out of bed, and scooped my clothes from the floor.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re so afraid of.” I yanked my pants on. “But in case you haven’t realized, I’m on your side, Piper.” Jerking my shirt over my head, I shoved my arms into the sleeves, then I strode toward the door and forcefully pulled it open.

“Jax, stop.” Her voice was filled with tears.

The sound nearly broke me, but I’d reached my limit for non-answers and half-truths. I attempted to storm out of the room, but I slammed hard into an invisible wall. I growled. “Drop the damn spell,” I bit out through clenched teeth.

“Will you please calm down?”

“Drop the spell, Piper. Now.” I curled my hands into fists. “And don’t ever use your magic against me like this again.”

She whispered behind me, and then I walked out of the room, but I’d barely made it a few steps when reality slapped me upside the head. Her soft sobs were like sirens blaring in my ears. My shoulders sagged, and I let a string of muttered curses fly from my lips. What the fuck was I doing?

That amazing woman in there was my soulmate. She’d trusted me tonight, invited me into her bed, and what did I do? I got pissed and stormed out, all because she wouldn’t answer my question. If the roles were reversed and there was something I refused to talk about, I wouldn’t want her treating me like this.

I raked my fingers through my hair—my damn hand shook—and blew out a breath. “Shit,” I mumbled, spun on my heel, and returned to her bedroom.

Piper was on the bed, hugging her legs to her chest, cheek pressed to her knees and facing away from where I now stood. My heart splintered. I crossed the room, eased onto the mattress, and gathered her in my arms. She didn’t resist. I would’ve deserved it if she had, though I don’t know what I would’ve done if she told me to leave.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to end.”

“How should it have ended?” Her words were strangled with the struggle to get her tears under control.

My throat constricted with the knowledge that I was responsible for the tears streaking down her face, and I wanted to drive a stake through my heart for causing her pain.

“With us in bed together. Like this.”

I guided her down, so she was laying on her side, and I positioned myself behind her, head propped in my hand. Her back was tucked firmly against my chest, and I draped my arm over her stomach. She didn’t hesitate to entwine her fingers with mine.

Leaning over, I lowered my mouth to her ear. “You’re supposed to fall asleep in my arms while I stay awake and replay every single moment of this night until I can’t possibly forget even the smallest detail.” I kissed the soft spot right below her ear, and she sighed. “Then, when you’re sleeping peacefully, I’ll gently brush your hair away so I can stare at your beautiful face.” I did exactly that. “And then I’ll agonize over what I’m supposed to do when you leave in a week’s time.”

Piper shifted so she was on her back, and she stared up at me. Her eyes shimmered with tears, and her normally pale complexion was red, her cheeks wet. Hesitantly, she cupped my cheek, and my eyes closed as I leaned into her palm.

“I’ll be the first one to admit I have no fucking idea what I’m doing here, Piper.” My eyes popped open, and I peered down into hers. They swirled with emotion that rivaled my own. “I don’t know how to handle you.” I eased her hand from my face and pressed my lips to her palm, then her wrist. “All I want is you, yet, at the same time, I don’t want you if that’s not what you want from me.”

“Jax.” She breathed my name like a prayer and rolled onto her side, so she was now facing me. The heartache in her expression was too much, and I had no idea how much more I could handle.

“Every single time you open your mouth to speak, I brace myself, because I know sooner or later, you’re going to speak the words that will ultimately destroy me.” I rubbed the pad of my thumb across her lips, and her small puff of breath was so incredibly warm. I gently held the side of her neck and caressed her jawline. “I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I know it’s big, and whatever it is, it doesn’t involve you and me together, does it?”

Lowering her gaze, she shook her head.

Deep down, I knew that would be her answer, but having her confirm there was no future for us hurt like fucking hell. I was fighting a losing battle, so the only thing I could do now was enjoy the ride into the spiral of my personal destruction. She had a week left here, and I’d spend every second loving her until she finally said goodbye and took my heart with her.

I pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. “You should get some sleep.”

But instead of taking the out I was giving her, she placed her hand over my heart, her gaze colliding with mine. “When I’m forced to leave, will you move on?”

“No.”

“Never?” Disbelief dripped from her tone.

“Never.” I coursed my hand down her side and over her hip, then back up. “That’s what it means for us when we find our soulmate. It will only ever be you, Piper. If you don’t choose me in return, I’ll somehow survive, but I won’t ever love anyone else. When you die, a piece of me will die with you, but I’ll go on existing. That’s just how it is.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I tucked stray strands of hair behind her ear. “I’m not.” I smiled faintly. “The odds of a vampire finding their soulmate are one in a million, and I beat those odds when I found you. Even though our time together is limited, I wouldn’t trade a second of it.”

“But…” Her lips trembled. “An eternity is a long time to be alone.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I laughed bitterly.

“You’re my soulmate, too.”

“What?” I said louder and harsher than I’d intended. My ears rang.

Had I heard her correctly? Did she really just tell me I was her soulmate, too? Did that mean… Was there a chance for us? How, when she’d already admitted whatever secret she was harboring didn’t include us being together?

“I knew from the very first moment you looked at me, and I was so scared of all the feelings that bombarded me. I’ve never been that scared of anything in my life. Why do you think I urged Isach to go after Abby?” She inched closer, and I flattened my hand on her back, drawing her closer still. “Because I knew if he didn’t, you’d bring her home, and I’d never see you again, and that was a horrifying thought.”

Sighing, I rested my forehead to hers. Trent’s confession raced through my mind: “With eternity constantly looming in front of us, knowing she loved me but didn’t want to be with me would’ve been worse torture than believing she never loved me in the first place.” I got it now. Letting Piper go when I thought she didn’t return my feelings was going to be next to impossible, but now that I knew she felt the same way for me? How was I going to survive this?

“I craved your presence, and I was willing to do anything just to be near you.” She trailed her hand down my chest, then slipped her fingers up the hem of my shirt. “Then, when I realized if I provoked you the right way, you’d give me that smile. The one that borders between love and hate, the one where your eyes narrow and darken, and I can see you struggling to decide which side you’ll come down on.”

She graced me with the softest, most genuine smile I’d ever seen, and my heart thudded painfully against my ribcage. Goose bumps erupted in the wake of her touch.

“But then you’d inevitably smile, just a little, almost like you had no control over it.” She met my gaze. “Do you know you don’t smile at anyone else like that? Even when you’re teasing Abby or arguing with Chloe.” She shook her head. “You only ever smile at me like that.”

I gave her that smile right then because she was absolutely right—I had no control over it. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because no matter what happens, I need you to promise me something.” She eased up on her elbow, so she was poised above me.

“What?” I asked, unease swirling fast and thick.

“I would never expect you not to be with anyone else for the rest of eternity, but promise me you’ll never smile at anyone the way you smile at me.” Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat. “Let me have this one thing that will always be just mine. Please.”

I searched her eyes and studied her face. Sincerity and desperation stared back at me. I had so many questions, but I wouldn’t ruin what was left of our night by demanding answers. That hadn’t exactly worked out for me before, and I was a quick learner.

Rolling onto my back, I hauled her over on top of me. She planted her hands against my chest and straddled me. I rested my hands on her bare thighs—I was a big fan of this night shirt she wore.

“Piper, honey. Everything about me will always be just yours. Even if I decide to be with another woman at some point in my never-ending existence, it will be to satisfy a physical need. Nothing more.” Simply thinking of having anyone but Piper in my arms had a deep frown tugging at my mouth.

“Aww.” She pouted, her full bottom lip sticking out, taunting me. “There’s my cranky vampire coming out to play.”

I laughed. My God, I loved her. I needed her like I needed blood, like humans needed oxygen. No way I’d survive her walking away from me again. Right then and there, I vowed, no matter what she was hiding, no matter what came our way, I’d fight for her. For us.

“I think we need to rewrite how tonight is supposed to end,” she said.

“Is that so?” I tucked my hands behind my head and smiled up at her.

“Mm-hmm.” She licked her lips, then tore her night shirt off before lowering her mouth to my neck. Her breasts rubbed against my T-shirt, her nipples hard enough that I could feel them through the fabric.

I groaned as my body responded in the most primal way. “I like your ending so much better.”

She smiled against my throat.