Chapter 45 A Killer’s Truth
Pierce didn't knock.
He pushed open Elena's door, blood dripping from his shoulder onto the hardwood floor, his face a mask of cold fury.
Elena shot up from the bed, eyes going wide. "Pierce what...."
"Xander's alive." His voice was flat, dead. "He set a trap. I walked right into it."
"You're bleeding..."
"I'm fine."
Elena moved toward him, hands already reaching for his shoulder. "Let me see..."
"No." Pierce stepped back, his eyes blazing. "I said I'm fine."
"You're not fine, you're bleeding everywhere..."
"I said no." The words came out sharp, cutting.
Elena stopped, hurt. "Pierce, you need medical attention..."
"What I need is for Xander to be dead and he's not." Pierce's hands curled into fists. "What I need is to not have walked into an ambush because I was too focused on ending him to see the trap."
"What happened?"
"He used himself as bait. Called Rodrigo's men before I even got there. They were waiting." Pierce's voice was ice. "I had him, had the gun to his head, and then ten of Rodrigo's crew came through every entrance."
"How did you.."
"I fought my way out. Killed five of them. Maybe six. Lost count." Pierce moved to the window, staring out into the darkness. "But Xander got away."
Elena stood there, processing everything. Pierce had almost died tonight, had been outnumbered, ambushed, and barely escaped.
But he'd survived and nd he hadn't killed Xander.
"I'm glad you didn't kill him," Elena said quietly.
Pierce went completely still.
Then he turned, and the look in his eyes made Elena's blood run cold.
"You can't be serious." His voice was dangerously low.
Elena lifted her chin. "I'm glad you didn't kill him. I know you wanted to, I know you think you had to, but...."
"But what?" Pierce moved toward her, and Elena had to force herself not to step back. "But at least my hands are clean? At least I'm not a murderer now?"
"I didn't say that..."
"You didn't have to." Pierce laughed, the sound bitter and broken. "You think because I didn't kill Xander tonight, that somehow makes me better? Makes me less of what I am?"
"It means you chose differently..."
"I didn't choose anything!" Pierce's voice exploded through the room. "He escaped! I had a gun to his head and he set a trap and got away! The only reason he's breathing right now is because I failed!"
"But you didn't pull the trigger..."
"Because I didn't get the chance!" Pierce was shouting now, blood from his shoulder spreading across his shirt. "Not because I had some moral awakening! Not because I suddenly saw things your way! Because ten armed men burst through the doors before I could finish it!"
"You're still not a murderer...." She said quietly.
"Yes I am!" The words ripped out of him, raw and brutal. "I AM a murderer, Elena! I was before tonight and I will be again!"
Elena's eyes widened. "Pierce..."
"You want to know how many people I've killed? Do you actually want that number?" Pierce stepped closer, his eyes burning into hers. "Because I stopped counting after twenty. That was five years ago. Want to guess how many it is now?"
"Stop..."
"Why? Because it makes you uncomfortable? Because you want to pretend I'm something I'm not?" Pierce's voice was harsh. "I've put bullets in people's heads. I've watched them bleed out. I've ordered executions and carried them out myself. That's who I am. That's what I do."
"You don't have to be that person..."
"Yes, I do!" Pierce slammed his fist against the wall, and Elena flinched. "This is my world! This is the only language it understands! You think I can just walk away from it? Choose to be better? Be the man you want me to be?"
"You could try...."
"I don't want to try!" Pierce's control shattered completely. "I don't want to be someone else! This is who I am, Elena! I'm a criminal. A killer. The son of a man whose violence destroyed your family. And not killing Xander tonight doesn't erase any of that!"
Tears burned Elena's eyes. "So what, you're just going to keep killing? Forever?"
"Yes!" Pierce's voice cracked. "Because that's what keeps you alive! That's what keeps Rodrigo from winning! That's what this world demands!"
"Then maybe I don't want to be in this world..."
"You don't have a choice!" Pierce moved closer, his face inches from hers. "You're in it whether you like it or not. You've been in it since the moment I got in your car. And you wanting me to be different doesn't change what I have to do to keep you breathing!"
"I never asked you to keep me alive if it means becoming a monster..."
"I already am a monster!" The words hung between them, devastating and final. "And you falling in love with me doesn't change that! You thinking I'm capable of being better doesn't make it true!"
Elena's breath caught. "I never said I loved you..."
"You didn't have to." Pierce's voice dropped, became something raw. "I see it every time you look at me. Every time you try to save me from myself. But I can't be saved, Elena. I don't want to be saved. And not killing one man doesn't erase the dozens I've already killed or the ones I'll kill in the future."
"Xander will die too, won't he?" Elena's voice was small. "Eventually."
"Yes." Pierce's eyes were ice. "When I find him, he dies. He betrayed me. He tried to get you killed. And for that, he's a dead man walking."
"And you expect me to be okay with that?"
"I don't expect anything from you." Pierce's voice was hollow now, emptied of everything except truth. "I expect you to see me for what I really am. Not the man you want me to be. Not the person you think I could become. But the killer standing in front of you right now."
"You're more than that..."
"No." Pierce cut her off. "I'm not. And you pretending I am just makes this harder for both of us."
Elena wrapped her arms around herself, tears streaming down her face. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying you were right the first time." Pierce's voice cracked. "You should hate me. Should walk away and never look back. Because I can't be what you need. Can't give you the clean conscience you're looking for."
"I don't want a clean conscience...."
"Then what do you want?" Pierce's voice rose again, desperate and furious. "You want me to stop killing? I can't. You want me to be someone different? I'm not. You want me to choose you over survival? Over protecting you? I won't!"
"I want you to see that there's another way..."
"There isn't!" Pierce was bleeding, shouting, completely unraveling. "Not for me! Not in my world! And you standing here trying to save my soul doesn't change the fact that I'll put a bullet in Xander's head the first chance I get!"
Elena sobbed, the sound breaking. "Then you're right. We can't do this."
"I know." Pierce's voice went quiet, defeated. "I've always known."
He turned toward the door, leaving bloody footprints, his shoulder still bleeding, his body trembling with fury and pain.
"Pierce." Elena's voice stopped him.
He didn't turn around.
"Get Derek to treat your shoulder," she whispered. "Please."
Pierce laughed bitterly. "Still trying to save me."
"I'm trying to keep you alive."
"Why?" His voice was raw. "So I can keep being the monster you can't accept?"
Elena didn't have an answer and pierce left without another word, leaving her standing in the wreckage of everything they'd tried to build.
Both of them broken.
Both of them bleeding in different ways and the rift between them wider than it had ever been.