Chapter 9 0009
CAITLYN'S POV
I stood outside Collin’s bedroom door for what felt like forever. My hand was on the doorknob but I couldn’t make myself turn it. Every part of me wanted to run and hide but I knew I couldn’t. I had to do this.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. Collin was sitting on the bed reading something on his tablet. He looked up when I came in and his eyebrows went up like he was surprised.
“Caitlyn,” he said. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” I said, but my voice was quieter than I wanted. “I thought maybe we could spend some time together.”
He set the tablet down and really looked at me. His eyes moved from my face to the nightgown I was wearing and something in his face changed. It made my skin crawl but I smiled anyway.
“Come here,” he said and patted the bed beside him.
I walked over and sat down. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode. I’d never started anything like this before, even that night with Jason just happened without me thinking about it but this was different. This was planned and fake and I hated it.
“You look beautiful,” Collin said and reached out to touch my hair. His fingers felt cold on my skin.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He leaned in to kiss me, and I closed my eyes, trying to pretend I was somewhere else, anywhere else, but I couldn’t escape what was happening. His lips were on mine, and his hands moved down my back, and I wanted to scream.
I thought about the baby, what would happen if Collin found out the truth? I thought about Jason standing over my parents’ bodies. I thought about everything except right now.
“Are you sure about this?” Collin asked, pulling back to look at me. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready.”
For a second, I thought about saying no, about saying I was tired or not feeling well or making up some excuse, but then I thought about the timeline and that I needed to do this now before it was too late to make the pregnancy believable.
“I’m sure,” I said, trying to sound confident. “I want this.”
That was a lie. I didn’t want any of it, but wanting and doing were totally different, and I’d learned that the hard way.
Collin kissed me again and this time I kissed him back. I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to look eager even though I felt like screaming inside. He looked happy, maybe even a little surprised, I guess he thought I would be shy or unsure.
“I didn’t expect this tonight,” he whispered against my neck. “But I’m not complaining.”
I didn’t say anything because my throat was tight and I was scared I’d start crying. I just let him touch me and tried to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach, this was survival. This was protecting my baby, this was what I had to do.
His hands moved to the straps of my nightgown and I started to panic. I could still stop this. I could walk away but then what? Jason would know the baby was his. Collin would know I lied. Everything would fall apart.
So I didn’t stop him. I let him take off the nightgown and I lay back on the bed. I stared at the ceiling and counted seconds in my head, Counting was the only thing that helped me get through it. He cupped one boob, his thumb rubbing my nipple softly.
He unzipped his trousers, pulling them down a bit. His cock was hard, thick, pressing against his boxers. He started stroking it. He groaned, “Nghn~!”, his eyes closing for a second. He kissed my neck, soft, sucking lightly, leaving a warm spot. “You’re so sweet,” he murmured, his breath hot.
He placed his cock into my pussy. I lowered slowly, taking him in inch by inch. He held my hips, gently, helping me move. He started fucking me slowly, his cock sliding in and out, easy with how wet I was. The bed creaked quietly, the room smelling like sweat and us, heavy and warm.
His hands stayed on my hips, guiding me up and down. “You feel good,” he said, his voice low. His cock hit deep, soft but steady, making my tummy tight. One of his hands moved to my clit, rubbing slowly, making me shake.
I came first, “Ahh!”, my pussy squeezing his cock tight, shaking hard. Pleasure washed over me, like a wave I didn’t want. He groaned, moving a little faster, then came, his cum warm and sticky inside me, leaking out as I kept moving slowly.
Collin was saying something but I wasn’t listening. I was somewhere else, back in my childhood room with my stuffed animals and posters and everything safe, not here, in this cold house with this man I barely knew doing things I didn’t want.
When it was finally over I felt dirty and wrong and like I wanted to scrub my skin off. Collin rolled over, looking pleased. He pulled me close like we were some normal couple who just had a normal moment.
“That was unexpected,” he said. “But very nice.”
I made a noise that might have been agreement, but my throat felt tight, and if I tried to talk, I’d probably cry.
“You should get some rest,” Collin said after a while. “You still need to recover from fainting yesterday.”
I nodded and got up but he grabbed my wrist, not hard but firm enough to stop me.
“Caitlyn,” he said, waiting until I looked, “Thank you for tonight. I know the wedding was stressful and everything happened fast but I’m glad you’re my wife.”
The word wife made me want to throw up. I was married to him now, I belonged to him and I just made everything so much worse by sleeping with him when I was carrying another man’s child.
“Me too,” I lied and pulled free.
I grabbed my nightgown off the floor and left his room. I ran back to my bedroom and locked the door, i went straight to the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it could go.
I stood under the burning water and scrubbed myself until my skin was red and raw, but no matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn’t wash away what I’d done. It was a part of me now, part of the lie I was building.
I thought about Jason and wondered if he knew. Would he hate me? Did I even care? He was the reason for this mess. If I’d never met him at that bar none of this would be happening.
But that wasn’t fair because I chose to go. I danced with him, kissed him, went to that motel, I made those choices, and now I had to deal with it.
I finally got out and dried off. My body ached and I was so tired. I put on clean pajamas and crawled into bed, the sheets were soft and expensive but felt like sandpaper.
Tomorrow I’d have to do it all again and the day after. Keep sleeping with Collin until the
Pregnancy looked real. The thought made me want to die but I pushed it away.