Chapter 152 Return Home
CAITLYN'S POV
Two weeks after Vanessa was arrested Jason and I decided it was time to move back to our apartment. We had been at Tommy's for over a month and while we were grateful for his hospitality we missed our home. Missed our space. Missed our life.
"You sure you are ready for this?" Jason asked as we were packing our things.
"I am ready," I said. "The protesters are gone. The media attention has died down. Public opinion has shifted. People are apologizing. It is safe to go home."
"But are you safe?" Jason asked. "Emotionally? Mentally? After everything that happened?"
"I do not know," I said honestly. "But I need to try. I need to see if I can live in that apartment again. If I can feel safe there. If I cannot then we will figure something else out. But I have to try."
"Okay," Jason said. "Then let us go home."
We loaded our car with all our belongings. Said goodbye to Tommy and thanked him for everything. Then we drove to our apartment.
When we pulled up I felt my stomach tighten. The last time I was here there were protesters outside. Someone threw a rock through our window. I was terrified for Emma's life. The memories came flooding back.
"You okay?" Jason asked. He could see the fear on my face.
"Just remembering," I said. "The protesters. The rock. How scared I was."
"That is not happening anymore," Jason said. "Look. The street is quiet. No one is here. It is safe."
He was right. The street was empty. Normal. Just regular people going about their days. No one paying attention to our building. No one caring that we were home.
We went inside and up to our apartment. Jason unlocked the door and we walked in. Everything looked the same. Clean. Normal. Like nothing bad had ever happened here.
"Home," I said. "We are really home."
"We are really home," Jason repeated.
I walked around touching things. The couch. The kitchen counter. Emma's bassinet. Everything felt familiar but also strange. Like I was visiting a place I used to live instead of coming home to where I belonged.
"This feels weird," I said to Jason. "Like I do not belong here anymore."
"You do belong here," Jason said. "This is your home. Our home. You just need time to readjust."
"I hope you are right," I said.
My phone started buzzing. Text messages coming in. I looked at them nervously. After everything that happened I was always afraid of what people might say.
But these messages were different. They were apologies.
"I am so sorry I did not believe you at first," one message said. "I should have known Vanessa was lying. You are brave and strong and I hope you can forgive me."
"I was wrong about you," another said. "I said terrible things. I am sorry. You did not deserve that. You deserve justice and peace."
More and more messages came in. From people I knew. From strangers. From people who had attacked me online. All of them apologizing. All of them saying they were wrong.
"Look at this," I showed Jason my phone. "People are apologizing. A lot of people."
"Good," Jason said. "They should apologize. They should have believed you from the start."
"But they did not," I said. "They believed Vanessa. They believed the lies. And now they feel bad about it."
"Do you forgive them?" Jason asked.
"I do not know," I said. "Part of me wants to. Part of me is still so angry. They hurt me. They made my life hell. An apology does not undo that."
"No it does not," Jason said. "But it is a start. It is them acknowledging they were wrong. That has to count for something."
"Maybe," I said.
I went into our bedroom and lay down on our bed. It felt good to be in my own bed. In my own space. But I also felt anxious. Like something bad was going to happen. Like this peace would not last.
Jason came in and lay next to me. "What are you thinking about?"
"About how I do not feel safe," I said. "Even though logically I know I am safe. Even though the threats are gone. I still feel scared all the time."
"That is trauma," Jason said. "That is your brain trying to protect you. It is normal."
"I hate feeling like this," I said. "I hate being scared in my own home. In my own life."
"I know," Jason said. "But it will get better. With time. With therapy. With just living your life and seeing that nothing bad happens. Eventually your brain will realize it is safe. That you are safe."
"When?" I asked. "When will I feel safe again?"
"I do not know," Jason said. "But I will be here with you until you do. Every single day. Making sure you know you are protected. Loved. Safe."
"Thank you," I said. "For everything. For being patient with me. For not getting frustrated that I am still scared."
"I would never get frustrated," Jason said. "You have been through hell. You are allowed to be scared. You are allowed to take time to heal."
That night I could not sleep. Every sound made me jump. Every car passing by made me think protesters were coming back. Every creak of the building made me think someone was breaking in.
"You awake?" Jason asked. He was lying next to me.
"Yeah," I said. "Cannot sleep. Keep thinking someone is going to show up. Going to attack us."
"No one is going to attack us," Jason said. "We are safe. I promise."
"You cannot promise that," I said. "You cannot know for sure."
"You are right," Jason said. "I cannot know for sure. But I can promise that if anyone tries to hurt you I will stop them. I will protect you and Emma with everything I have."
"I know you will," I said. "But what if that is not enough? What if something happens that you cannot stop?"
"Then we deal with it," Jason said. "Together. But I do not think anything is going to happen. I think the worst is behind us. I think we are finally safe."
"I hope you are right," I said.
Over the next few days I slowly started to feel more comfortable in our apartment. More at home. The fear started to fade just a little. Not gone but less intense. Less constant.
People kept apologizing. On social media. In emails. Even in person when I went to the store. Everyone wanted me to know they were sorry. That they believed me now. That they supported me.
"How does it feel?" Jason asked. "Having people apologize? Having public opinion on your side?"
"Weird," I said. "Good but weird. A month ago everyone hated me. Now everyone loves me. It is like whiplash."
"That is how public opinion works," Jason said. "People jump on bandwagons. First they believed Vanessa. Now they believe you. Tomorrow they will move on to the next story."
"I just want to be left alone," I said. "I do not want to be loved or hated. I just want to live my life in peace."
"You will get that eventually," Jason said. "Once the trials are done. Once everything is over. You will get your peace."
"Two more trials," I said. "Two more times I have to testify. Two more times I have to relive everything."
"Two more,
" Jason said. "But then it is done. Then we can move on. Start fresh."
"Start fresh," I repeated. "That sounds nice."