Chapter 21 -Avianna-
\-Avianna-
I wake slowly to the sound of the fire. For one blissfully empty moment, I don’t remember anything at all. I only feel warmth wrapped around me and the heavy pull of exhaustion still clinging to my body. Then the memory slams into me and I almost stop breathing… My eyes open immediately.
The room is dark except for the fire burning low beside the bed, orange light flickering softly across the stone walls. And there, sitting beside it in one of the chairs, is Caylix.
Relief hits first, then humiliation crashes directly over it. Because now that I’m awake enough to think clearly, I remember far too much. I remember tearing at my clothes like I was losing my mind, clutching at him, pressing my naked body against him, begging for his touch like it was the only thing keeping me alive.
Gods.
My stomach twists violently. Of course he ran away afterward, why wouldn’t he? I stay perfectly still beneath the blankets, watching him across the room. He looks exhausted, elbows resting against his knees as he stares into the fire, shadows shifting across the sharp lines of his face.
I don’t blame him for keeping his distance. I’m mortified he had to see me while I completely lost every ounce of dignity I had ever possessed. My chest tightens and I feel like I can barely breathe. I was practically climbing into his lap. The shame burns hotter and I squeeze my eyes shut.
Gods, what if he cannot even look at me the same way anymore?
The thought slices so deep it nearly kills me. Caylix has always been there, even when we fought, even when he was angry with me, even when I was angry at him.
The tether has always felt safe and constant. The idea of him pulling away from me now feels unbearable in a way I cannot even fully explain. And somehow, even worse than the humiliation, is how desperately I suddenly need reassurance from him.
I need him to tell me he does not regret touching me, to tell me I did not ruin this. Which is mortifying in entirely new ways. Wonderful. Perhaps I should simply throw myself directly into the fire and spare myself the rest of this humiliation.
The tether immediately hums with unmistakable amusement. My eyes narrow toward the chair.
Traitor.
“I can feel you spiraling, Avi,” Caylix says softly into the darkness.
The warmth in his voice nearly undoes me. He turns then, dragging the chair to the bed. The scrape of wood against stone sounds unbearably loud in the quiet room. He sits facing me fully now instead of the fire, which somehow makes everything worse. I immediately pull the blankets tighter around myself and hide half my face behind them.
“Avi.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Caylix goes completely still. “Avi…look at me”
“I mean it.” My voice breaks slightly. “I made an absolute disaster of myself.”
“Avi.”
“I was all over you.”
The words come out muffled behind the blankets as my face burns hotter. He is watching me with an intensity that immediately steals the air from my lungs but I cannot bring myself to meet his gaze.
“I thought you left because you couldn’t stand being near me anymore,” I admit softly.
His expression shifts instantly. “Avi, just look at me, please.”
“You left the room,” I whisper miserably. “Right after.”
His jaw tightens. “Because I needed distance.”
The words hit harder than they should and my stomach drops immediately. The tether flickers sharply with frustration before he leans forward slightly in the chair.
“Not for the reason you think.”
I freeze. His eyes stay locked on mine.
“I stepped away because the hex intensified in me every time I touched you. And I needed to handle my side of it. I couldn’t stay near you and do that, Avi, I wouldn’t ever risk hurting you.”
Heat crawls instantly beneath my skin again at the memory. Not the violent inferno from earlier, but something else now, hotter in a different way. His brows furrow slightly like he feels it too.
“We do not know exactly what kind of hex this is yet,” he says quietly. “Your father believes it may be targeted.”
“The tether,” I whisper.
“Yes, but we do not know for certain.” His voice lowers slightly. “If it is a true lust hex, it may react like that to any man you are around.”
A horrible feeling sits low in my stomach.
“And if it is targeted?”
His jaw tightens faintly. “Then it was built specifically around your connection to me.”
The room suddenly feels unbearably small. Every shift he makes drags my attention toward him like the tether itself is pulling at me. Even sitting down, he’s all restrained strength and dangerous stillness. Heat radiates from him in slow waves, close enough now that I can feel it against my skin. Gods, he is devastatingly handsome like this. Dark hair falling carelessly across his forehead, shadows carving his face into something fierce and beautiful all at once, his eyes fixed on me with an intensity that makes my heartbeat lose rhythm entirely. And through the tether, I know he feels every second of my reaction too.
My thighs press together instinctively before I can stop myself. Caylix’s eyes close briefly. Mortification slams back into me immediately.
“Avi,” he says roughly.
“I didn’t mean to do that.”
“I know.”
“So it didn’t disappear,” I whisper.
“No.”
I stare at him across the firelight, suddenly feeling far too exposed, even beneath the blankets.
“Caylix…I…just…” I stop trying to force the feelings into words. “I feel…”
Raw. Exposed. Like every wall inside me broke apart tonight and I don’t know how to put myself back together.
I let my thoughts carry to him since I cannot seem to put it in real words.
“I need to know you are not going to pull away from me after this,” I whisper. “If you did, I could not bear it.”
“You think I would pull away from you after tonight?” His voice lowers, rougher now. “After you trusted me with that?”
Fierce and protective emotion presses through the tether.
Avi, listen to me,” he leans closer to the bed, eyes locked completely onto mine. “There is nothing you could ever do that would make me turn away from you.”
The tether hums between us carrying every emotion neither of us knows how to comprehend.
Then quieter I whisper, “Will you hold me tonight?”
Something shifts in his expression.
“Just Caylix and Avi. Not the princess and her guard,” I add softly.
For a moment, he doesn’t answer. Then he reaches down and pulls off his boots one at a time, setting them quietly beside the bed. The mattress dips as he finally lays beside me. I move before I can overthink it, turning into him and resting my head carefully against his chest. His arms wrap around me immediately and I find myself finally letting go of the weight of today as a single tear slips silently down my face and disappears against his shirt.