Chapter 54 CHOOSE
(Eli's POV)
Anton’s lips leave mine slowly, like he’s testing how much space I’ll panic over once it’s gone.
The water laps quietly around us, the pool lights blurring everything into silver and blue, and for a second I don’t know who I’m supposed to look at. Julian is still close, too close. I can feel his presence like heat at my side, like gravity tugging me off balance.
Anton tilts his head, eyes sharp but amused.
“How did it feel?” he asks, voice low, casual, like he’s asking about the weather.
My heart slams so hard I swear they can hear it over the water.
“It… felt good,” I say, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. I swallow. “Consuming.”
There's a long overwhelming silence…
Not the awkward kind. The dangerous kind. The kind that stretches and presses against my ribs until I start thinking it might actually crush me.
That’s when it hits me…
They aren’t asking out of curiosity.
They aren’t teasing.
They’re not playing some harmless game where I get to laugh it off and pretend I didn’t understand the question.
They’re asking me to choose.
Not who I like more in a soft, harmless way. Not who I enjoy spending time with.
They mean ownership. They mean priority. They mean who gets to keep me.
And the realization lands like cold water dumped straight down my spine.
My thoughts spiral immediately, tripping over each other, loud and messy and panicked.
I shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t feel like this.
Normal people don’t end up tangled between two men like this.
Normal people don’t want to.
Julian is my husband. Legally. Publicly. I didn’t choose him, not at first. He terrified me. He controlled me. He hurt people in front of me and called it protection. I hated him for it. I still flinch when I remember the early days, the fear, the way his power pressed down on me until I forgot what breathing felt like.
And yet…
Somewhere along the way, something shifted.
He stopped humiliating me.
He started caring in ways that were quiet and clumsy and almost desperate.
He watched my breathing like it mattered.
He learned what made me calm.
He carried me like I was something precious instead of something owned.
I didn’t notice when my fear turned into something warmer.
Anton is different.
Anton is easy in a way that makes me forget danger exists at all. He listens. He laughs. He touches like he’s asking instead of taking. He admitted to stalking me before I ever noticed him, and somehow that should have scared me more than it did.
Anton is a seemingly charming on the surface guy who openly admitted to have stalked me but there's been no harm in being close to him and I don’t want him out of the picture.
He not so slowly became the one who steadied me when Julian’s storms got too loud. The one who fed me, teased me, took pictures like he was trying to memorize me. The one who made me feel wanted without making me feel small.
And now I’m standing in a pool, between them, realizing I don’t want either of them to leave.
That there is no version of this where I’m whole if one of them disappears.
My chest tightens.
This is wrong.
This is greedy.
This is shameful.
Who does this? Who falls for two people at once? Who lets it happen without stopping themselves?
I open my mouth, close it, open it again. My voice shakes.
“I— I’m sorry.”
Julian stiffens immediately. Anton’s expression changes, something sharp flickering across his face.
“I got attached too quickly,” I blurt out, words spilling faster now, panic fueling them. “Wrongly. I didn’t mean to. I think— I think it was the attention. I think I just… liked being treated like that… all that care and pampering. And I lost myself for a second.”
No one interrupts me.
That somehow makes it worse.
“I didn’t catch it in time,” I continue, my voice breaking. “I didn’t even realize I fell because it didn’t hurt. It just… happened. And if I’d known— if I’d realized— I would’ve stopped myself. I swear.”
The water feels colder now. Or maybe that’s just me shaking.
“It was only a couple of days,” I say desperately. “You can stop now. I don’t— I don’t really deserve all of this.”
The silence stretches.
It eats at me.
My throat burns. My eyes sting. I hate that I’m crying again. I hate that I always cry when things get too big.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I can’t choose because I like both of you. I know it's insane and shameful but I didn't catch myself falling. I didn't even realize I fell face first because it wasn't a painful one.”
That does it.
Julian moves first. His arms come around me suddenly, strong and sure, pulling me into his chest like he’s afraid I’ll vanish if he doesn’t hold on tight enough.
“Hey,” he murmurs, firm but gentle. “Stop. Don’t cry.”
Anton steps in a heartbeat later, his presence warm at my back, his hand steady between my shoulders.
“There’s nothing shameful about feelings,” Anton says quietly. “Especially desire.”
Julian exhales, his grip loosening just enough that I can breathe.
“I didn’t mean to pressure you,” he adds. “You don’t owe us answers.”
The three of us stand there, tangled together, until my breathing evens out and the tears finally stop.
Julian lifts me out of the pool without a word. Anton hands him a towel, careful, like the moment matters. Julian dries me himself, methodical, protective…
“I’m cold,” I murmur.
“Then let’s go inside,” Julian says immediately.
He turns, but I don’t let him.
Something inside me twists, needy and reckless and aware that whatever this is might end soon. That I might never feel this pampered again; this wanted.
I wrap my arms around his waist.
“I need warmth,” I whisper. “A different kind.”
Julian pause.
Slowly, he looks down at me, searching my face like he’s trying to decide whether this is real or something he’s afraid to believe.
“How far are you willing to go?” he asks quietly.
“Far enough,” I say, my voice barely there.
His hand slides lower, firm and possessive, a light tap against my hip.
“This far?”
“Yes,” I breathe.
And the way both of them look at me then…
I know.
I’m already too far gone to turn back.