Chapter 156 LOST LOVE

Chapter 156 LOST LOVE
The front door clicked shut. Anton walked in, holding a copy of the DNA report and the divorce case file in one hand.

“Julian?” He called out, but got no answer. His eyes swept across the living room; there's a shattered vase, broken glass glittering across the marble floor. There's also drops of blood trailing up the stairs.

Anton's instinct flared up as he thought Eli could be in danger.

“Eli,” Anton called out as he ran upstairs. The blood trail led to their bedroom.

“Eli!” He pushed the bedroom door open. His eyes followed the blood trail and landed on Julian.

Julian stood motionless before the floor-to-ceiling windows. His back faced the room, his stance the opposite of his usual straight posture. One hand hung limply by his side, the other still held two watch boxes.

Blood dripped from his shoulder down to his wrist and onto the polished floor.

“Julian.”

Slowly, Julian turned. His face was frighteningly blank; no anger or anything, just... empty.

His lips parted. “Eli left me.”

The words were so quiet Anton almost didn't hear them.

Anton frowned. “What happened? Did you hit him? I told you he didn't kiss Damien, the bastard drugged Eli. What is wrong with you?!”

“I did worse than a hit.” Julian looked down at the matching watches in his hand. His fingers trembled. “He bought these.”

Anton noticed the blood stained handwritten note.

Julian laughed. But it wasn't a laugh, it sounded like something inside him had cracked.

“He... he bought us matching watches.” He swallowed. “And I…” his breathing became uneven. “I told him…” his voice failed.

Anton stepped closer. “What did you tell him?”

Julian closed his eyes. “He came to the office with these, he came to apologize, but when he walked in Lovia was leaning against me and— and he thought we were doing something but we weren't— you know me, I'd never. But Eli misunderstood.”

Anton sighed. “And you couldn't explain clearly. Did you yell at him?”

“Worse. He packed up and told me he's leaving, and I— I told him I own him. I told him he can't leave because I own him.”

There's a brief silence as Anton couldn't figure out what to say.

Julian continued, “I wanted to tell him…” his throat tightened. “...that I loved him.” Another shaky breath. “I've wanted to tell him for days.” His shoulders began to shake. “I even rehearsed it.”

Anton stared at him.

Julian gave another broken laugh. “I actually rehearsed it, because I wanted it to sound as sincere as I'm feeling it. I thought… when we ate dinner, I'd tell him. When we went to bed, I'd tell him again and again and again." His voice became quieter. “I've wanted to tell him since that night he let me— but every single time… I couldn't.”

Anton said softly, “Julian, you—”

“I don't know how.” Julian finally looked at Anton. There were tears in his eyes now, and he wasn't trying to hide it. “I don't know how to love like that. It's pathetic and annoying how I speak well in my mind but can't do same when I'm looking at him. I'm possessive, always trying to own. I should have listened to him when he tried to tell me he didn't kiss Damien, I should have put his feelings first and my anger last, but all I was thinking about is how he's gotten too close to Damien and might not want me anymore. I swear I didn't want to grab his neck and choke him, I wanted to grab his neck and kiss him. I wanted to kiss him hard and beg him to only desire my lips.”

Anton watched without a word as Julian spoke every word like it's a punishment for every time he held back instead of telling what his heart felt.

“I could have said something else at that moment, but seeing him with that suitcase— my head…” he pressed a hand against his temple. “...it's just… I couldn't think. I wasn't hearing him anymore. I just… I just wanted him to stay. So instead of saying… ‘please don't leave me.’ I said… ‘you belong to me.’” His voice broke completely, and another tear rolled down his face.

“And he looked at me… like I was exactly the monster everyone says I am. He raised a gun at me, Anton, my Eli shot me. He's lost every ounce feelings for me. He shot me.”

Anton slowly reached for him.

Julian stepped away. “No. Don't. I deserve this.” He looked at the watches again. “He bought us gifts. He came to apologize even after I choked him and raised my voice at him. He wrote… that he's proud of me, that I'm the best.”

Julian covered his eyes. “He's my dearest, my baby, my wife…” another laugh. This one dissolved into a sob. “If only I ever successfully made me feel that way. All I ever did was hurt him. Even today, I cornered him, I threatened him, I reminded him of every horrible thing I've ever done.”

He lowered his hand. “I tricked him into marrying me, I chained him to my life, I made my men drag him across the hallway while he protested, I locked him inside my house, I paraded him around half naked just to humiliate Henry. I wanted Henry to watch. I wanted him to suffer a little of what his father made me suffer, I kept telling myself… It's revenge. It's what I always wanted, and he deserves it because of his father.”

Julian's voice became barely audible.

“But somewhere along the way… I stopped seeing Henry in Eli. I was wrong, he looks nothing like his father. And that's when I realized how stupid it was to make him suffer for his father's sin, making him miserable never brought me the joy I thought I'd get.

Anton remained silent.

Julian's breathing became ragged. “I wanted to use Eli to bait Henry because I thought if Henry comes… I'll kill him. I'll end it, and it'll all be worth it.” He laughed bitterly. “Then I realized, if Henry comes, the first person he'll hurt is Eli. He doesn't care, he shot his son. Eli could have died and it'd have been my fault.”

Julian squeezed his eyes shut. “And I…” his voice disappeared.

When he spoke again, it was almost a whisper.

“I hated myself.”

He toyed with the boxes in his hand. “I hated every version of me that ever laid uncaring hands on him. I hated the man who made him cry, I hated the man who made him afraid.” He looked toward the open door. “I kept thinking… If I just protect him long enough… if I just fix everything… Then one day, I'll deserve him.” His face crumpled. “But today… he looked me in the eyes, and pulled the trigger. He shot me… and he left me.”

His legs finally gave out.

Anton caught him before he hit the floor.

Julian clutched Anton's shirt with both hands. For the first time since Anton had known him… the man who never cried...

Wept.

“I can't go after him.” Anton's eyes widened. “I can't.” Julian shook his head violently. “If I see him… If he tells me to let him go… I… I don't trust myself. I'll lock him up again. I'll force him to stay. I'll become exactly what he's afraid I am.”

He buried his face against Anton's shoulder.

“So I can't chase him. I can't.”

Another sob escaped him.

“But…” his fingers tightened desperately around Anton's shirt, “what if he never comes back?”

The room fell silent except for Julian's broken, uneven crying.

For the first time, Anton had no words. Because there was nothing left to fix with logic. What could he say to a man mourning the love he had finally found… at the exact moment he believed he had destroyed it forever.