Chapter 45 The Guilt
Jeremy's POV
After Margaret left, I sat there. Staring at the closed door.
Mia climbed back into bed. Satisfied. Smug.
"Well, that was awkward." She said.
I didn't answer. Couldn't.
Because something felt wrong. Very wrong.
I looked at Mia. At the scene. At myself.
"What happened last night?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't remember." I ran my hand through my hair. "I remember drinking. You helping me to my room. Then... nothing."
"You were very drunk, Jeremy." Mia touched my arm. "You don't remember?"
"No. I don't remember any of this." I gestured between us. "Did we...?"
"Yes." She smiled. Soft. Gentle. "Finally. After three years. We finally... connected."
I should feel something. Relief. Satisfaction. Something.
But I felt... empty. Confused. Wrong.
I knew I wouldn't willingly be in bed with Mia just like that.
The curse. My body. It didn't respond to her. Never had.
So how...?
But I couldn't say that. Couldn't accuse her.
Because we were dating. Had been for three years.
And I'd never satisfied her before. Never given her what she deserved.
Maybe... maybe the alcohol helped. Maybe my body finally worked for her.
Even if I couldn't remember it.
"Jeremy?" Mia's voice pulled me back. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." I got out of bed. Started getting dressed. "I just... need to clear my head."
"About Margaret?"
I stopped. Looked at her.
"What about her?"
"She saw us together." Mia stood up. Wrapped the sheet around herself. "She knows now. That you're mine."
"Mia..."
"Good. Let her know." Her voice got harder. "Let her know she can't have you. That you're taken."
I didn't answer. Just finished dressing.
Because my mind was on Margaret. On her face when she saw us.
The hurt in her eyes. The betrayal.
Even though she had no right to feel betrayed. Even though we were nothing.
Just... nothing.
...
The next few days, I kept my distance from Margaret.
Didn't go to the inn. Didn't seek her out. Didn't even look for her in town.
Because I felt guilty.
Guilty about Mia. About what happened. About everything.
"You've been quiet." James said during a meeting.
"Just thinking."
"About Lady Margaret?"
"About Mia." I corrected. "About doing right by her."
"What does that mean?"
"It means..." I sighed. "She's waited three years for me. Been patient. Loyal. Supportive."
"But you don't love her."
"No. I don't." The admission hurt. "But maybe love isn't everything. Maybe duty matters more."
"Jeremy..."
"I've kept her waiting for three years, James." I stood up. Paced. "Kept her hoping. Kept her believing we had a future."
"Because you do have a future. As Alpha and Luna."
"But not as mates. Not really." I stopped. Looked at him. "I can't give her what she deserves. Can't feel for her what she feels for me."
"Then why stay with her?"
"Because telling her to go now would be selfish." My voice rose. "After everything she's done. Everything she's sacrificed. How can I just throw her away?"
"You're not throwing her away. You're being honest."
"Honest?" I laughed bitterly. "I've been lying to her for three years. Pretending. Hoping. Trying to make myself love her."
"And now?"
"Now..." I sat down heavily. "Now I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of hurting Margaret the same way I hurt Zoe." The words came out quiet. Painful.
James was silent.
"I killed Zoe." I continued. "My own mate. Because I didn't trust her. Didn't believe her. Chose duty over love."
"That was different..."
"Was it?" I looked up at him. "Or am I making the same mistake again? Choosing obligation over what my wolf is screaming at me?"
"What is your wolf saying?"
"That Margaret is mine. That she's my mate. That I'm being an idiot." I put my head in my hands. "But what if I'm wrong again? What if I hurt her? What if I destroy another mate?"
"Jeremy..."
"I can't do it again, James." My voice cracked. "I can't hurt another woman I'm supposed to love. I can't survive that guilt twice."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Stay away from her." I said firmly. "Keep my distance. Do right by Mia. Honor my commitment."
"Even though it's killing you?"
"Even though it's killing me."
...
Two weeks passed.
Two whole long, painful weeks.
I threw myself into pack work. Meetings. Training. Patrols. Anything to stay busy.
Anything to not think about Margaret.
But at night... at night I dreamed of her.
Her smile. Her laugh. Her touch.
The way she made me feel alive.
And I'd wake up. Alone. Aching. Guilty.
Mia tried to get close. Tried to recreate that night.
But my body... my body wouldn't respond. Not sober. Not conscious.
Whatever happened that night... it couldn't happen again.
And she knew it. Could feel it.
"Jeremy, please..." She'd beg. "Just try..."
"I am trying, Mia."
"Try harder!"
But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried.
Because my wolf only wanted one person.
And it wasn't Mia.
Today, I had to go into town. Pack business. Meeting with merchants.
I tried to avoid the route past the inn. Tried to stay away from areas where Margaret might be.
But Lakewood was small. And fate... fate had other plans.
I was walking past the market. Head down. Lost in thought.
Then I looked up.
And there she was.
Margaret.
Standing twenty feet away. Looking at me.
We both froze.
Our eyes met.
For the first time in two weeks.
Since that morning. Since she saw me with Mia. Since everything changed.
We just stood there.
Face to face.
Staring.