CHAPTER 196

CHAPTER 196
The convergence point looked different upon our coming back.

When we were going in, I had been too focused on what was ahead to properly see it.

But now, climbing out of the underground with Jock and Kelin behind me with everything that had happened sitting heavy in my chest, I saw it for what it actually was.

Nature is beautiful and creative and for some reason, I felt stronger in my purpose.

Two completely different seas running side by side, touching but remaining themselves.

This is what I have to fight for, to preserve it in its most perfect state.

My Mother's Earth.

The water rippled on the other side and I turned to see my Rowan.

In a way, he wasn't looking so much like Calvin anymore but himself. His spirit won over and as he healed, his features were adapting.

I wiped away the guilt I felt and walked towards him.

He reached me fast, his eyes misty and he pulled me into a fierce hug.

Gosh, I shouldn't feel this good right after burying her but I couldn't resist.

I grabbed onto his shirt with both fists and held on.

We were shaking.

I could feel it all through him, the relief that I came back to him like I'd promised even though the odds were stacked against us.

Even though I came out battered and broken, his relief poured into me.

"You came back," he said into my hair, squeezing me tighter. His voice came out wrecked. "You actually came back."

"I told you I would," I managed, “I always keep my promises baby.”

"Fuck, you're a combination of magic and sheer stubbornness. You literally brought me back from the dead, how could I have doubted you'd do this too?"

“But she died,” I choked.

“No! Nala?”

“I didn't even get the chance to connect with her. I called her out and led her to her death.”

“Oh, baby you can't put that weight on your weary shoulders, not after all you've gone through. You did this to save a friend who was horrible to you. You did so much to resurrect me. You saved Ixion and through this mission, the goddess Nellie. You're healing the earth. You saved Vireya too. All you do is help everyone around you despite impossible odds so I tell you, you can't carry this on your shoulder, I won't allow you. You hear me?”

I cleaned my face and nodded.

Then as if prompted, he pulled back to look at me properly.

"Shit! You're hurt. You're bleeding, baby, your face—"

"I'm okay."

"You're not okay, you're covered in blood—"

"Rowan." I put my hands over his. "I'm okay. I promise. All of these will heal soon once I recharge. It's the heart I thought I didn't have anymore that I don't know how to repair.”

“There's no pressure on you to do that. We'll get your body back in stronger shape and then slowly, I'll stitch every part of your broken heart.”

I looked into his eyes and I believed every word he said.

“I love you,” I whispered, the words coming out easier than I thought.

“Fuck, you're gonna make me cry.”

“That'll be ugly as hell,” I tried a smile.

“I love you so much too. I don't deserve you but I promise to keep doing everything I can to. Thankfully, I have an eternity to get halfway through.”

"I'll be counting the days.”

He grinned for a bit before a shadow settled on his face.

"But promise me one thing, baby. Don't ever do that to me again." His arms tightened. "I know you sometimes have to. I know that's not a promise either of us can make. But just, please, don't ever—"

"I know." I pressed closer. "I know."

We stayed like that for a long time, long enough for the trembling in him to slowly ease, long enough for my own crying to run its course, long enough for the night around us to settle into quiet. His hands moved through my hair, careful around the places that were tender, and I let my eyes close.

I just breathed him in and let myself have this, this one moment of being held by the person the universe gave back to me because I couldn't let go.

He kissed my forehead tenderly.

"I've got you," he whispered. "I've got you and you're here and we're going to be okay.”

"You can't promise that," I said, and it came out half laughing and half crying because that's our inside joke now.

Making promises we're not sure how to keep.

"I'm promising anyway.”

I pulled him down into a proper kiss, tasting salt from both of us, his hands still cradling my face like I was something worth being careful with, and I kissed him so hard all the air left my lungs.

When we finally pulled apart we were both breathing hard and his eyes were wet

His smile was the most beautiful thing I'd seen in what felt like years.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hi," I said back.

Behind us, someone cleared their throat pointedly. I turned to see Reya watching us with Claire beside her.

I looked around at all of them then, this small battered group of people, my own army. Reya with Claire leaning against her, Claire pale and thin but alive and breathing. Ixion and Josh. Jock and Kelin standing close together, their grief enormous and quiet.

Almost everyone was alive.

That was something.

Nala's place will never be filled but I knew then I would fight till my impossible death to make sure I never lose any of them.

"As touching as this is," Reya said, "some of us are bleeding and exhausted and would very much like to go home."

"You're not bleeding," Ixion said from beside her.

"Emotionally I am."

I laughed.

A real one, unexpected, tearing out of me before I could stop it, and it hurt my ribs and I didn't care because it felt like something loosening, like a knot finally giving way after being pulled tight for far too long.

Then I turned to the goddess, I don't even know what her powers are, and I'm not sure she even remembers them.

She met my gaze steadily.

Centuries of enduring Hades had given her a particular kind of composure, the kind that comes not from ease but from survival, from deciding every single day to still be standing.

I respected it.

"You're going with Ixion," I said.

She nodded once.

"You stay hidden," I continued, keeping my voice even. "No public appearances. No contact with anyone outside the people in this group. Not until we're certain Hades can't reach you and that what Pelagius and Terra are doing holds permanently." I held her gaze.

"Understood," she said quietly.

I turned to Ixion.

He was already looking at me, Josh's hand in his, and his expression was serious in a way it rarely was.

"She's your responsibility," I said. "Keep her safe."

"You have my word," he said, and I believed him.

Then I turned back to Rowan.

He was already watching me, waiting, his hand outstretched.

I took it.

We climbed onto Kelin's back together. Rowan's arm came around me from behind and I leaned back into him and felt his lips against my hair.

“I can't wait to sleep for a day or five years,” I sighed.

“And you will my queen. No more missions or revenge plans or resurrection. We'll be in a constant loop of feeding and sleeping.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Finally, we were going home.